Page 18 of Lost in You

He watches the server as he places my dinner in front of me. I look at the server briefly before gazing back at Ryan, waiting for an answer.

He clears his throat. “She died the night of the opera. We went out to dinner, to the opera and out for coffee afterward with some of her lady friends. The next morning she never woke up.”

“Oh, Ryan, I’m so sorry.” My heart breaks not only for Ryan, but for myself because I can’t comfort him. Alex rests her hand on his arm, playing the part just so I can be in the same room as him. The things she does for me.

Chapter 11

Ryan

Ispend a lot of time with Alex as Hadley has to be on stage or meeting with other people. Alex tells me that Hadley is a very private person and that although she can’t be with me tonight, she wants to be.

I wish I knew what is going on with Hadley and me – or maybe there isn’t anything going on at all. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to act around her, but everything feels natural and exciting. Kissing her tonight was something I had thought about since I left her hotel earlier this morning. I didn’t know if she’d want me to, but she did. I haven’t a clue where all these feelings are coming from, but I know it’s Hadley. She’s bringing them out of me. I just don’t know how to control them.

I watch as she works the crowd. I’ve never looked at how women dress before. My mom has the same look all the time. She never varies. Dylan wears a lot of jeans and shorts. I’ve never seen her in a dress. I guess it’s because she’s just one of the guys. Hadley, though, looks so beautiful in her pink dress. Her hair is pulled up away from her bare shoulders. When we were together earlier, I saw glitter sparkling off her skin and thought how lucky it is to be the inanimate object that gets to be a part of her for the night.

Her dress isn’t bulky like the one Dylan wore to prom last year. I remember shopping with her and having to carry it to her car. I don’t know how she moved in it, but when she tried it on, she declared ‘this is the one’ by spinning in front of the mirror.

Hadley’s dress fits her, showing me the perfect spot to place my hands when we are able to head back into her private dressing room. Never have I had the desire to kiss a girl until I kissed her this morning. I wasn’t nervous or anxious. Everything felt right and now I want more. So much more of her and her lips pressed against mine.

Alex pulls me away from where we are standing. She sets her arm inside the crook on my elbow. She makes it look as if I’m guiding her when in reality I’m following her, hesitantly. I trust her not to take me too far away from Hadley. We stop at the bar and she orders us two Cokes, handing one to me, before leading us to the terrace.

She sets her coke on the table nearby and looks at me. “We have a problem.”

I’m taken aback because I thought the night was going well. “Um… okay.”

“It’s not what you think, or maybe it is, I don’t know, but I can tell by the look on your face that you’re scared. Hell, maybe you should be.” She shakes her head and takes a deep breath. Hadley and Alex are so different. Where Hadley seems calm, Alex is on edge. “Your age is going to be a problem. Her uncle isn’t going to like any of this when he finds out.”

I look at her, not knowing what to say. I know I’m only seventeen, but surely Hadley knew this before inviting me.

“Hadley likes you, Ryan, and she has no intentions of letting your age affect a relationship between the two of you.”

Hadley and I haven’t discussed anything, let alone a relationship. I’m not stupid. I know she can do better than me. I’m just a boy from a small town who has nothing to offer her. I’m here making memories that will last me a lifetime. Ones I’ll only be able to share with myself.

“I can tell you’re confused.”

“Maybe a bit,” I reply.

Alex turns me so I’m facing her. Her hands are firm on my biceps. “She likes you a lot. If you think yesterday and tonight is how she is, you’re sadly mistaken. The only reason you’re with me now is because you’re seventeen. She needs to protect herself.”

“She’s embarrassed?” I ask.

“Hell no,” Alex says. “She’s breaking the law if she pursues you.”

I hadn’t thought about the law or how being underage affects her. All I’ve thought about is how Hadley makes me feel when I’m next to her. Not even next to her, but in the same room. It’s like I’ve never seen the sunshine before until I met her.

I stuff my hands into my pockets and step away from Alex. I don’t know how to respond and I’m still confused about something Alex said. “What did you mean by ‘how she is’?”

Alex reaches for her Coke and takes a drink, keeping the glass in her hand. “Hadley doesn’t pick up fans, ever.”

“I’m not a fan.” I blurt out.

Alex shakes her head. “Anyway, you’re someone special, even I can see the way she looks at you. Hadley likes you and I don’t think she’s going to let you go.”

A group of people approach us, silencing our conversation. Alex turns and leans against the railing, chatting animatedly with the group. She doesn’t introduce me and I’m okay with that. I’d rather not know any of these people. Alex is working, I can tell. She pulls out her phone and starts talking about Hadley’s appearances. It dawns on me that this could very well be the last time I see her. She has a life away from here, a real one. One that requires her full attention and that’s something I can’t compete with.

She’s not going to have time for a high school senior. I should’ve told her no when she asked me to attend this party with her. I should’ve left her on the balcony last night and saved myself from hearing what I’m sure she’ll be telling me later tonight.

I step away, Alex doesn’t even notice and I walk back into the party. I scan the crowd for Hadley, but don’t see her. That’s my sign. I know it is. Taking a deep breath, hands in my pockets, I resign myself to accepting that whatever this is, or was, with Hadley is just a dream. With one last look around and a silent goodbye, I head for the door.

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