Page 15 of Lost in You

“We’ve had two hours to talk.” I look behind me and shake my head. “You want to talk now that we’re five minutes from home?”

She doesn’t answer me, just keeps driving until she reaches the old abandoned high school. The one our parents graduated from years ago before our new state-of-the-art school was built on the hill overlooking the town.

Dylan shuts off her car and rests against the headrest. Her eyes are closed, but her lips are moving. I can’t tell if she’s talking to herself or singing whatever song is playing in her head. Either way, she’s not talking to me.

I open the door and get out. She says something, but I slam the door and start walking. I’ll walk home from here. Anything to get away from whatever she has going on in her head. When I hear her door open I walk a bit faster.

“Where are you going?” she yells. The gravel behind me crunches. She’s coming after me. We’ve never fought before and I’m honestly not sure how to handle her when she’s quiet like this.

“Home, Dylan.” I say, turning around to face her. She stops short, putting her hands on her hips. She doesn’t look at me, but past me, toward the road.

“I just… I’m just trying to process everything. It’s…you ran off with Hadley Carter last night. I sat up waiting for you and you never made it to the room. At first I thought you got lost so I went back up and her friend, Alex, said you guys were still talking. Who talks all night long?”

“I guess we do.” I shrug and stuff my hands into my pockets. I feel my phone resting there. I’m almost desperate to pull it out and see if she’s texted me again. I told her more secrets in one night than I’ve told Dylan and I’ve known her for years. But with Hadley things just feel differently, like I’m supposed to know her.

When she asked for my number I didn’t tell her it was a prepaid phone. I told myself that I’ll pick up an extra shift or mow some more lawns to keep my phone stocked with minutes. I’ll do whatever I can to talk to her, even if it’s just once a week.

“That’s the thing. When you walked in, her hair was a mess. It looked like... you and her…” Dylan looks away, maybe she’s embarrassed. “Did you do something with her?”

My gaze had been on Dylan until now. I look away, not sure how I want to answer that question. It’s really none of her business. I definitely don’t ask her what she does with guys so why should I tell her about me and Hadley? Hell, I can’t even believe most of it happened. But I definitely know I kissed her first. I made that move and she didn’t turn me down or away. She accepted it and wanted more.

“You’re avoiding my question.”

“No, I’m not sure what you want me to say.”

Dylan steps closer, her hands balled into fists. I know I’m missing something. It wouldn’t be the first time she’s called me dense or dumb. All boys are dumb, she says. Her eyes are searching for a sign, anything to tell her what she wants to know. The only problem is that I don’t know girls. I don’t understand the facial expression or the dramatic sighs they let out every other minute. It’s not like I can ask my dad; he just pushes a book in front of me and tells me the answer is in there… somewhere.

“I didn’t realize you even knew who she was.”

“I didn’t, Dylan. I was about to leave the party when she stopped me. We went outside and started talking. It was better than sitting there by myself all night long.”

“You talked all night long?”

“Mostly, I don’t know.” I hate being questioned. My hand finds the back of my hair as I walk away from Dylan. People wonder why I choose to stay home. Simply put, solitude in my bedroom, surrounded by the dingy white walls is better than being analyzed under a microscope because I spoke to a girl all night long.

“How do you not know?”

I shake my head, wishing she’d let this go. I don’t want to talk about what Hadley and I did out on the balcony. I’d rather remember the way I held her in my arms or how she slept on my shoulder. How we didn’t need blankets. How kept each other warm. I don’t want to cheapen my memories of being brave enough to kiss her. My first kiss and I experienced it with a beautiful woman who wanted me to kiss her, repeatedly.

“Are you not going to answer me?”

“I don’t know, D. I don’t want to talk about what happened.”

“Why not?” she asks, moving closer to me. “You’re my best friend. We tell each other everything.”

No, she tells me everything. I sit and listen and nod when it’s appropriate. I’ve never had anything to tell her and I’m not sure I want to start now. Besides, what if Hadley doesn’t want anyone to know what we did.

“You tell me everything. I’ve never had anything to tell.”

“So nothing happened between you and Hadley Carter?”

I shake my head.

“You spent all night with her, on a balcony where none of us could see what was going on andnothinghappened?”

I shake my head. This time I bite my tongue to keep from speaking out. I hate lying, but protecting Hadley seems more important right now.

Dylan sighs as she looks away. She turns away and starts walking back to her car. I think she’s upset. I guess she has a right to be. I did end up ditching her at the party in favor of Hadley. I just wanted to be with her, she made me feel… special. For the first time, I felt wanted.

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