Page 13 of Lost in You

Hadley will return the stage and find herself a man that is capable of and deserving of being seen with her. I know I shouldn’t be thinking like this, but I can’t help it. What if… what ifIwas Hadley’s boyfriend? Images of us standing side by side while she gets her photos taken flood my mind. They call her name and she looks only at me while flashes of white light go off repeatedly.

Her image quickly changes to dust as realization slaps me in the face. I can never be that guy on her arm. She’d be embarrassed by me. She needs someone who can complement her in every way and that is just something I can’t do.

Tonight is a fantasy. Something everyone dreams about, but only few can enjoy. No one will ever believe me. Not that I have anyone to tell. Dylan probably knows, but she won’t say anything. Or maybe she will. For all I know she could be jealous that I’ve spent all this time outside with Hadley while she’s been stuck inside. It didn’t escape my attention that only the server came out here. No other fans or her best friend.

I rest my head upon her and breathe in her scent. I don’t know what perfume she’s wearing and I can’t describe what I smell. I’ve never been this close to a girl to learn all the things I should know about them. Seventeen years old and I’ve never been kissed. You’d think that is something a girl would say, but sadly that is my life. Having Hadley in my arms is surreal. I close my eyes and think about what it would be like to do this every night.

Chapter 8

Hadley

Ihave never felt so warm before in my life. The early summer heat is flickering down on my arms and back. I open my eyes carefully so the sun doesn’t blind me. I’m met with a white shirt as it stares back at me. My eyes trail up, squinting as the sun becomes brighter. I slowly emerge from his cocoon. He looks peaceful and content.

I would’ve never imagined him as the man he portrayed himself to be last night, especially when he took off his shirt and used it as a blanket to keep me warm. No one has ever done something like that for me. And he did it after only knowing me for a few hours.

Looking at Ryan, I’ve come to the conclusion that I need him in my life. I definitely want to spend time with him because last night was not enough. I’m not sure how to make that happen, but I will. Ian is going to flip. The age difference alone is enough to cause issues, but I don’t care. Ian is going to have to accept that Ryan is my friend… for now.

I shift closer hoping to remember what his body feels like against mine. He sleeps so softly as if he doesn’t have a care in the world, but I know that’s not true. He has dreams, even if it’s just to move to a city, they are still dreams he should follow. My hand inches higher up his back and I wonder at what point in the past few hours did my hand move under his shirt and if he minded. I know that I don’t. Feeling his soft skin and the outline of his shoulders against my fingertips drives my thoughts to places they shouldn’t go. He whimpers softly and I remove my hand, not wanting to wake him. I’m enjoying the calmness that he’s sharing with me.

My hand doesn’t stay still for long as I find his hair. It’s a bit shaggy, the in-style right now with teens. He at least has that going for him, aside from the fact that he’s gorgeous and makes my heart flutter every other second. My fingers push through his mane, massaging his scalp. He adjusts, leaning somewhat into my hand. I feel his body relax as he tries to move closer to me. His hand grips my hip tightly. I realize that this is turning him on. I know I should stop, but I can’t. Knowing I can do this to him, for him, encourages me.

Has anyone ever done this for him? It’s a question plaguing my mind, but also one I don’t want to know the answer to. I know he said he hasn’t had a girlfriend, but what about a fling or a hook-up? I want to be the one who fulfills every fantasy that he has. Ryan buries his head into the crook of my neck, his nose skimming along until he’s rested by my ear. If I had any reservation about him, it’s gone. I thought he’d wake up and wonder where he is, but he knows. I have to fight the urge to take over, to guide him. I know nothing can happen. I have to remind myself over and over again. It has to become my mantra.

“Can I try something?” he whispers, clearly awake and aware of what I’ve been doing. I nod, unable to find my voice. I don’t know what he’s going to try, but I’m eager and afraid all at once to find out.

His lips touch just below my ear in the softest of kisses. He does it again and this time his fingers spread over my back, holding me to him. I know I should stop him. My mind is yelling for me to put on the brakes, but my heart is screaming for me to turn just slightly so that when his lips touch me again they will be pressed against mine in what’s surely going to be the most sinful kiss I’ll ever experience.

I do as my heart commands, turning slightly. When his lips touch mine, he pulls back. His eyes are questioning me. I offer only the smallest of smiles and nod, hoping he understands that he can continue. That I want – no, I need – him to continue. I won’t be able to make the first move, but I can’t resist him if he does.

Ryan’s kiss is soft and hesitant. He’s unsure of himself. As much as I want to take over, I don’t. I want to learn with him as he explores. He’s shaking, his nerves trying to get the best him. He kisses me once, twice, before pulling back. His eyes shine in the early morning sun as he stares at me. No words, but I can see the emotion written across his face. My fingers leave his hair and trail down his face, along the scruff of his cheek.

“Was that okay?” he asks shyly.

“Yeah, it was.”

“Can I kiss you again?”

Ryan doesn’t wait for me to answer, not that he needed to, my eyes and body are telling him yes even though my head is screaming no, but the moment his lips touch mine again my brain shuts up. I could get lost in him with these delicate caresses. He’s not intrusive or needy, nor is he slamming his tongue into my mouth and demanding attention.

His large hand cups my face, holding it to his as his lips work over mine. I need to feel more, but I don’t dare break him of his trance. A throat clears behind me. He drops his hand suddenly and moves as far away as he can get from me. The chaise is still holding him close enough that I can feel his body heat, although I can tell that he’d rather be across the room from me than get caught kissing and I don’t blame him, but for other reasons. I’m sad and extremely disappointed that we were interrupted.

I turn and find Alex standing just far enough way. I sit up and adjust the top of my dress and pat down my hair. I don’t even want to know what I look like right now.

“Good morning.” My voice is hoarse and tired from singing last night. My usual home remedy of hot honey tea did not happen, but I wouldn't change anything that happened in its place.

“Thought you’d like to know that breakfast is here and that Dylan is looking for you, Ryan.”

I sneak a glance at Ryan. He’s a statue. I need to talk to him, tell him that I want to see him again, tonight, tomorrow and all the time in between.

“We’ll be in soon.”

I wait until Alex is behind closed doors. Once the door is shut, Ryan is off the chaise. He picks up his shirt and puts it on hastily. His fingers fumble with the buttons. I can’t stand watching him like this. I stand up and wrap my hands around his. He stills, his head hanging low. I so want to look into his beautiful eyes, but he’s not looking at me.

I push each button into their respective slots; stalling the closer I get to his chest.

“Ryan, please look at me,” I all but beg.

His head rises slightly. There is torment in his eyes. I rise up and kiss him softly. His hand finds purchase on my hip and pulls me closer. My hands, flat on his chest, move to his neck and then the back of his hair. He pulls away first, releasing his hold on me, much to my dismay.

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