Page 36 of The Archer Brothers

My eyes turn sharply to Dr. Howard. She sits there calmly, knowing that I won’t do anything to upset Ryley. If Nate were here that’d be a different story. I can guarantee you that I will not attend any session if he’s in the room.

“Look, I get that we have to talk about him, but maybe today isn’t the best day. These past few days with Ryley and EJ have been a blessing, and I’m not interested in having a shitty attitude the rest of the day because we had to discuss the one thing keeping us from being together.”

“You’re already angry,” Ryley mumbles.

I turn toward her. “Of course I’m angry, Ry. I want to be with you. It’s damn near the only thing I think about when we’re on watch. Being next to you, hell being in the same vicinity as you, only increases my desire. I’m trying to respect that ring on your finger, and it’s killing me, especially when I want to throw you over my shoulder and carry you up toourroom. So yeah, I’m angry.”

I turn away from her and bend at my waist, holding my head in my hands. With my eyes closed, I’m breathing in and out, calming myself down. Her hand touches the small of my back and heat radiates through my shirt and onto my skin. Does she feel the same way? Or have I suddenly become expendable?

“I’d like to talk about the time Evan came home from basic training.” Ryley’s voice is soft, but determined. I remember the day perfectly. I rest on my elbows, but can’t bring myself to look at her. I want to hear this story, so I’m going to sit here and listen.

“Go ahead, Ryley.”

“It was homecoming, and I wasn’t going to the dance. Lois had tried to get me to go with her and Carter. He was coming home for the weekend, but I didn’t want to be a third wheel. She kept pestering me and made sure I was included in all her shopping festivities. I remember telling Evan that I thought she was being a little annoying and that I was very okay with staying home. He told me to go and have fun.”

“And did you?”

This time I glance at Ryley and smile. She nods. “I did, but under protest. The night of the dance I decided that I didn’t want to go and that it was going to be too much since I had gone with Evan the previous year.” She shrugs and looks at me, her eyes twinkling with the memory of what awaited her. “I didn’t want to go to a school dance without him.

“It didn’t matter though because Lois all but dressed me, did my hair and dragged me to the dance. When we got there, the music was playing, and I started to scope out a spot along the wall to sit. As I started walking in that direction, the lights went out and two spotlights came on. One was focused on me and the other a little ways away. Lois whispered that I need to follow the light, so I did.”

“I was waiting for her,” I pipe up. “I had come home the night before and wanted to surprise her. Our moms and Lois helped me plan everything. I wouldn’t have been able to do it without them.”

Ryley smiles as I reach for her hand and lean back in the chair. “We talked for an hour or more each night,” she says.

“It’s unheard of, spending that much time on the phone while at basic, isn’t it? Did you think that was odd?”

She shrugs. “I was relishing in the moment, I guess. I found out later that he had graduated a week earlier, but wanted to surprise me.”

“What happened next?” Doc asks.

“The spotlight guided Ryley to me and once she reached where I was standing she jumped into my arms.”

“He was so handsome, decked out in his dress blues. I didn’t let go of him that night and broke my curfew. Rules be damned when Evan came home to see me.”

Doc Howard hands Ryley a tissue, and I watch as both of them dab their eyes.

“That was very romantic, Evan.”

I shrug. “Ryley made it easy for me to be romantic. I had never done a grand gesture like that with anyone before, but with her it’s something I thought about doing all the time.”

I lean over and place my lips just below her ear. Ryley leans into me, allowing me to hold her against me. When she does things like this, it makes me wonder just how committed she is to Nate or if he was simply someone to fill the void that I left behind. I could ask her, but putting her on the spot won’t earn me any valuable points and right now I need a stockpile of them if I’m going to win her back.

“I love you, babe,” I whisper before righting myself in my chair. Our hands, once again, linked for good measure.

I WANT TO SAYtoday’s session was a breakthrough, but I’d be lying. When we arrived I was hopeful. Walking into a room that I dreaded last time felt different, almost refreshing. It was as if I wore sunglasses last time. I had a sense of calm and understanding this time.

Today, I wanted to be there with Evan. I thought we’d be able to make some headway, but wounds were torn open, both his, mine and ours. It’s a process; I think we both know that. I was foolish to think that one additional session was going tofixus. I had hope. I thought that I’d feel somewhat better. I don’t. I know I’m hurting Evan each day that I wear this ring. I’ll be hurting him more if I make the decision to keep wearing it. I’m hurting Nate, even though he’s not here, by thinking about a life with Evan, dreaming about the life we should’ve had.

Maybe I should go away. That might be best for everyone involved. EJ and I could find happiness elsewhere in some other state. He’s young enough to adapt… my thought about EJ adapting stops my thought process. If I’m so willing to leave and have him adjust, why can’t I force the issue with Evan being his father?

Because I’m a chicken shit, that’s why.

Evan drives, winding us through the streets leading back to our house. The sun is bright and bearing down on my face as I lean partially out the window. The air conditioner is blowing, but I want the wind in my face. I’m sure it’s irritating Evan, but right now I don’t care. I feel like a kid again and it feels amazing.

“Do you remember that one time –”

“That you went to band camp?”

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