Page 7 of The Archer Brothers

“Ah yeah, fate was something fantastic the next day when Nate texted and told me that she was in his class. That was my second chance, and I wasn’t going to mess it up. I didn’t know what I was doing, it was almost unchartered territory for me, but I was going to give it the ole Boy Scout try.”

“What exactly?”

I adjust in my seat, but don’t even try to hide the smile appearing on my face. “I was going to woo the girl and make her mine. I was going to work to show her that I wasn’t some dumb jock who couldn’t control his throwing arm. I was going to show Ryley that I was worth the bruise she was proudly displaying.”

“And how were you going to do that, Evan?”

“With ice cream, of course.”

THE THERAPIST SHUFFLES SOMEpapers on her desk. She knows I’m lost in thought remembering my first kiss with Evan. My first best kiss, the one kiss to leave me speechless. It was my secret and no one would know that the very dreamy Evan Archer was my first kiss. However, in my head, I was screaming it from the rooftops. Yes, that was my best secret first kiss.

I need a break, mentally at least. I stand, walk over to the window and see Lois’ car in the same place she parked it earlier. It’s somewhat calming to know that she’s on the other side of the door waiting for me. My eyes drift over to the park, and there sits Evan on the bench facing the window. He doesn’t look up, but maybe if I pound on the glass he will. I know he’s hurting. Our lives have been turned upside down and ripped apart too many times to count. He hates that he doesn’t have the answers to solve our problems. No one does. I’m not even sure why I’m here. What is she going to say or do to give me the solution I need? Everything’s a mess.

Evan looks up, and even from this distance I know he’s not smiling. I pick my hand up to wave, but immediately drop it, afraid of giving him false hope. Afraid of giving myself false hope.

“Evan,” I whisper his name as if I’m the only one in the room. I know I’m breaking his heart and he knows he’s broken mine, even if he didn’t mean to. We need life to be as simple as the movies or a board game. Spin the dial to determine your job. Spin again and move forward five spots to get married. I want to spin and spin again until every decision is made for me. I want someone or something to tell me which path I’m supposed to follow.

“What about Nate?” she asks. I also smile at the mention of Nate’s name. I rest my head against the window and watch Evan. His head is in his hands, a sure sign that he’s in deep thought. I want to go to him and hold him. I want to pretend that we’re the characters in one of my beloved books and that when we get to the last chapter, everything we are meant to be will be.

Sadly, my life is anything but a romance novel and as I stand here, watching the man I love while engaged to his brother, my thoughts filter to Nate. He doesn’t have a clue what’s going on and I can’t call him. I can’t pick up the phone and say, ‘when you come home everything’s changed.’ He thinks his brother is dead. It’s what we’ve been told for the past six years. It’s how we’ve lived.

I say his name over and over in my head. He’s been my rock for so long, and I don’t know how I’m going to break this news to him.

I shake my head not understanding her question.

“When did you become close?”

I sigh. “We’ve always been close. Nate was in most of my classes. At first, Evan was jealous because Nate and I were always studying, but eventually he got over it. I was always with Evan and if I wasn’t, Nate was around. Life seemed to work out that way. Being with them made me happy.”

“And now?”

I turn away from the window. “And now things are complicated. Nate is on a mission, and I don’t know when he’ll be back. Sometimes he’s gone for a day, other times it’s a month. If I have a problem, he’s the one who guides me. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here, and it’s only going to get worse when Nate comes home. I’m not naïve enough to think you’re giving me the answers when I walk out of here, and it’s not like I canGooglemy question and have an array of answers guiding me.”

I run my hand through my hair, pulling at my ponytail. I lean against the wall, still able to see Evan. He used to smile so brightly, but now it’s dull and faded. The light has gone from him, from us, all because of some miscommunication. Things didn’t have to be like this.

“Do you love him?”

I smile when she asks this. “I do, with everything that I am. He’s been my rock, my foundation. He’s my best friend. He’s my lover. Without him, I’m a hollow shell of who I used to be. He rebuilt me from ground up. We didn’t intend to fall in love. Well, I didn’t at least, but being in love with Nate is easy. He’s been my best friend for so long that my feelings just grew. He was a constant support in my life and as much as I didn’t want to ruin our friendship, the blurred line had already been crossed in my heart. Falling for Nate was as easy as falling for Evan in some ways.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s been in love with me since we met, but he never said anything because of Evan. I found out a year after Evan… I heard Nate and Carter arguing. The conversation wasn’t meant for my ears and for weeks I didn’t speak to Nate, but I couldn’t continue not seeing him. I needed him.”

“And who’s Carter?”

“He’s Nate’s best friend and Lois’ husband.”

The therapist nods and scribbles on her pad. It makes me wonder what she’s writing or thinking. Her questions are one-liners and she’s yet to offer me any guidance.

“What was Nate like in high school?”

“Smart, funny and athletic. He always had girls chasing after him because he was going ‘somewhere’. He was definitely the type that you bring home to your mom. I didn’t like most of the girls he went out with and used to make their little sister torment his dates. I know it was childish, but no one ever seemed good enough for him.

“The twins – that’s what I called them when they were together – both played football. Evan was the running back and Nate was the quarterback, which explains how I ended up with a black eye from Evan throwing the ball. Their coach called them a deadly combination because they each knew what the other was thinking. In the winter they moved on to basketball and in the spring, baseball. They were three-sport varsity athletes and I didn’t miss a single game that year. For the away games I would ride with their mom, and we’d stand there and cheer our hearts out for our boys.

“Anyway, Nate was every good girl’s dream. He was voted most likely to succeed in high school.”

“And did he?” she asks.

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