Page 63 of The Archer Brothers

“I’m angry that Ryley has been put in this situation, that someone had the gall to fuck with my family, and for what? That’s what I want to know, where the hell have these guys been and why? Why tell us they’re dead and then bring them home? What did we do to deserve this?”

“It’s been crazy for all of you, from what Lois has said. People don’t believe what they’re being told.”

“Everything is so fucked.”

Carter must agree because he nods. He stands, and I follow. It’s late and the kids need to go to bed. EJ will want to stay in Grace’s room, and I’d usually be okay with that, but tonight I want him with me. I know I’ll have no choice but to share him with both Evan and Ryley after tonight so right now, I can’t help but be selfish.

When we get back in the house, Lois is curled up on the couch with a book in her hands. She smiles at Carter, who kisses her, and I turn away because the last thing they need is an audience. The love they share for each other is what I like to think Ryley and I have. It’s easy and unassuming.

“EJ is upstairs and ready for bed.”

“Thanks Lois… for everything,” I say, as I head upstairs. When I get to Grace’s room, the kids are curled up together, sound asleep. I watch the rise and fall of EJ’s chest. He’s living in a peaceful world without any idea of what’s going on around him. I have to protect him from what lies ahead and I’m confident that despite everything, Evan will do the same because the last thing he wants is to see his son hurt.

I hate to wake him, but I need to hold him tonight. He’s my glue. His love repairs what ails me. I need him in my life and giving him up isn’t an option. If Evan takes him away from me, I don’t know what I’m going to do.

Scooping him up, I bring him into what’s going to be my room for the foreseeable future. The sparsely decorated room already holds our bags, waiting to be unpacked. That will have to wait until tomorrow. Tonight, I’m going to lie in a bed that’s not mine, holding my son and dreaming of how our lives were a month ago so that I can have a little semblance of what happy is again.

LAST NIGHT, WHEN RYLEY was standing next to me, I thought for sure we were over before we were given the chance to really start again. Still, her asking me to find a place to stay while she works out what she needs to do didn’t hurt me as much as it shocked me. I didn’t want to ask about Nate because it wouldn’t matter how I phrased the question, it would have sounded childish and that’s the last thing I want to be. But she knew it was on my mind and volunteered the information. Nate is going to go stay with Carter for a while and that made me as happy as I can be considering the situation.

As much as I don’t want to give her the space she’s asking for, I know I have to. I can’t ask her to be something she’s not ready to be, and if that means she needs time for her and EJ to figure out where they belong then so be it. She knows how I feel and I have no doubt she knows how Nate feels as well.

After I left Magoo’s, I sucked it up and went back to River’s place. It was either that or the barracks and going back to base really doesn’t appeal to me right now. River was waiting for me, which led me to believe that Ryley had called Frannie. Not only was I angry that she asked me not to come back to the house until everything could be sorted, but I became even more pissed that she shared this with my boss’s wife. Honestly, it’s something I should’ve expected. I just wasn’t mentally prepared to hear the words come out of her mouth.

Sitting down in my favorite, yet most uncomfortable chair, Doc Howard sits opposite me while Ryley is to my left. Today is a therapy day and it couldn’t have come at a better time. Last night I asked Ryley if she would come with me. I figured we could use today to discuss our newfound living situations and hopefully the good doc can provide some guidance. I thought Ryley would tell me she doesn’t need help anymore, but she said she’d come for me. I really want her to be here forus, but we still have a lot to figure out.

“Good morning,” Doc Howard says. Everything about her is like a bad routine – from the way she sits to the way she folds her hands. It’s been about a week since I’ve seen her last, but expected with all the changes going on in my life she would change as well. As I sit here and look at her I realize I’m not being fair to her. I can’t let my lack of sunny disposition affect my treatment.

Shehasn’t done me wrong yet.

“Morning, Doc,” I say as I look at her then quickly to Ryley, who just smiles. I know Ryley doesn’t like coming here, but it’s a necessity. Not only do I need her here for emotional support, she fills in some of the holes. Lately, I’ve felt like it would have almost been better if I had lost my memory. I imagine thinking someone ruined my life on purpose is a far worse feeling than knowing I can’t remember.

“Where do you want to start today, Evan?”

I take my eyes off Ryley and bring my focus in front of me. Inhaling deeply, I steel myself for the gasp I’m about to hear, but there’s no use avoiding the thing that needs to be said. “Nate came home and Ryley kicked us both out.”

The gasp is barely audible, but I hear it. Out of the corner of my eye I watch as Ryley clutches the armrest. She’s angry and I get that. Could I have said it better? Probably, but I’m not going sugarcoat my feelings because she’s sitting next to me. She should know that.

“Well that’s definitely a change from last week. Let’s talk about Nate first. Have you sat down and spoken with him, Evan?”

“No,” I answer adamantly.

Doc Howard leans forward with her hands clasped in front of her. Her expression alone tells me that she doesn’t approve.

Ryley clears her throat and sits a bit taller in the chair. “Nate only returned yesterday. In Evan’s defense, they haven’t had much of a chance to sit down.”

“Don’t need to.”

“Evan,” Ryley scolds.

“What? Unless he’s going to tell me why he left me in the jungle so he could take over my life, we have nothing to discuss.”

“You’re being childish.”

I want to throw my hands up in the air, kick my chair across the room and show Ryley just how childish I can be. Instead, I wrap my hands tightly around the armrests and squeeze them until the pressure builds and the pain starts to lessen.

“Ryley, why don’t you tell me what happened yesterday?” Doc Howard asks in her calm, motherly voice.

She takes a deep breath and recounts our day at the beach. “Everything was perfect and that should’ve been my first clue that something was wrong. Evan was carrying EJ and I didn’t even realize the door was already unlocked when I went to open it. The moment I saw Nate my heart sank and not because I didn’t want Nate to be home, but because my time with Evan was going to change. For the past few weeks we’ve been together every day, as a family, and now that’s going to be non-existent.

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