Page 59 of The Archer Brothers

“Ry, I can’t tell you what to do. Hell, I don’t even know what the answer is. Our lives have been rocked by tragedy and we’ve survived so I’m pretty sure we can survive this. Whether it be together or apart, we do it together. But before you make a decision, know how much I love you. Know how much I love EJ.”

I take a deep breath and pull her back into my arms. It may be the last time I get to hold her, although I plan to do everything in my power to ensure that’s not the case. “You and EJ, you’re my world. I don’t want to lose you. Ican’tlose you. You make me tick. You’re my better half. You give me something to look forward to at the end of the night. You’ve been my rock for as long as I can remember. We’re about to get married and expand our family... none of that has to change. I’ve known for years that you love Evan, and I’ve respected that.”

“It’s different, Nate.”

I know that, but I don’t tell her. I hold her because for all I know she’s going to tell me to pack my shit and leave. That’s not what I want and it’s not what she needs. Being alone with her thoughts is a dangerous thing for her.

“Someone did this to us, Nate. Why would they do this?”

“I don’t know but I promise you I’m going to find out.”

It’s in this moment that I vow to find out how this happened. I don’t know how, but I’m going to. Someone has to pay for what they’ve done to my family. Someone has to answer for what they’ve put Ryley through. Imagining the agony of seeing Evan alive after everything she went through; I can’t even begin to describe how angry it makes me knowing I wasn’t home to help her. Losing my brother was unthinkable, but I have never seen someone break the way she has. When my father died, my mother cried but was stoic. Ryley crumbled. She lost her world and wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out, but she couldn’t. Being pregnant saved her life as far as I’m concerned.

“I don’t want Livvie here,” I blurt out, losing my filter. My sister hasn’t been Ryley’s cheerleader these past few years and the fact that she’s here is rubbing me the wrong way.

“She’s your sister,” Ryley says so quietly that had there been any noise, I wouldn’t have heard her. I pull her a little closer and kiss the top of her head, leaving my nose and mouth pressed there.

“I know,” I say after pulling away. “But her intentions aren’t to help you with EJ, she’s here because she wants to be with Evan. If that’s what she wants, she can go stay at Carter’s.”

I know my timing probably sucks but I want to lay down some ground rules about Livvie being here. I don’t like it and don’t believe that Livvie is here for anyone but Evan. I know she won’t do anything to hurt EJ, but that doesn’t mean she won’t be a brat to Ryley as she always has been.

“Your mom kicked her out.”

Sighing, my head taps lightly against the cabinet. When Evan died, my mother shut off. I thought when she found out about EJ things would change, but sometimes I think his birth just made things worse for her. Livvie was always closer to Evan than she was to me, which never bothered me until she all but alienated Ryley. Most of that was due to my mother, and the fact that Ryley and I started dating.

“My mom…” I cut myself off before I can even begin to defend her.

“Thinks I’m a whore.”

Her words sting because Ryley is anything but. I turn slightly so I can look into her eyes. “You’re not a whore. Why would you even say that?”

Her eyes fill up with tears again and my heart plummets, expecting the words “I cheated” to come out of her mouth even though I don’t want to believe she could do that to me. I know how Evan feels about her, though, and if he didn’t know she’d thought he was dead, he’d have expected her to wait for him.

“I kissed him, Nate. I did it more than once and I wanted more. I’m sorry, but I did it and I hate myself.”

Kissing I can live with even though I shouldn’t have to. Sex is another story. Regardless of where Evan has been, we knew him as dead. After we buried him we all worked to move on and provide for EJ. None of it was easy.

“Ry –”

“No, please listen. When I see him, I’m taken back to what we had and what we’ve missed out on. It’s hard to not want to be with him, but it’s also hard not to want to be with you as well. I’m confused, hurt, and angry and I feel incredibly lost right now. I’m a nightmare when all I wanted to be was a fairytale.

“Life isn’t a fairytale, Ry.” I cup her cheek and she covers my hand with hers. Her smile is soft and hits me right in my heart.

“My life has felt like a fairytale, for the most part, since I met you and Evan. You both have made me feel like I’m a princess in your own ways.”

I pull her close and press my lips to hers. The soft feel of her lips give me hope. Even though she’s in my arms, I feel distant, like this is an out of body experience. Hell, maybe I’m hallucinating. I’m still in the desert waiting to shoot my rifle and when I come home she’s waiting for me with open arms and none of this is happening. But just as I told her that life isn’t a fairytale, it’s not a dream either.

It’s reality, and reality is ugly.

“Everything’s going to be okay,” I say, pulling her into my arms. When she sags against me I know deep down that she and I are going to be together. I don’t know how but we’ll make it work, taking a vow that we have planned to stay with each other, for better or for worse, and apply it now. Ryley has to know that I’m in this for the long haul no matter what.

Before I can reassure her that I’m not going anywhere the front door opens, but Ryley doesn’t move. Knowing that it could be Evan and she’s still in my arms comforts me. It’s hard not to think about what lies ahead. The road before us isn’t forking, it’s damn well splitting with too many options. Sadly, not a single option is favorable for all parties involved. Life is going to get messy, and I hate messy. I need order.

High pitched squeals and the thundering of little feet brings a smile to my face. I’ve missed my boy, and hate that I have to leave him again, but my duty is to my country. I know that each time I’m gone I’m protecting his future.

EJ comes around the corner, his smile spreading from ear to ear as he barrels toward us. Ryley catches him and maneuvers him between us. I have my family. We may be slightly unconventional, but we work. We love each other. Livvie clears her throat, making eye contact with me. I don’t even have to ask what she’s thinking; I can see displeasure written all over her face. The brother part of me should get up and talk to her, but holding my family in my arms is far more important.

I don’t know how long we sit on the kitchen floor holding each other, an hour maybe two. I’m not counting. I’d love to find a way to keep us here and shut out the outside world forever or for us to run off into the sunset and forget everyone around us. But truth be told, life just isn’t that easy - it’s unorganized, dysfunctional and crazy.

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