Page 203 of The Archer Brothers

CHAPTER4

CARA

Motherhood has never crossed my mind. I’ve never seen myself as the motherly type or someone who’s nurturing. I’m married to my job, and up until I started working on the Tacito Renato case, I never thought I’d find love. Or, in my case, love again. At one time in my life, Nate was the love of my life. I thought we had a bright future, but the world had different ideas for us. The odd thing is, I never felt heartbroken when things ended, I felt . . . okay. It was like we were expected to take the paths we did, and I think we were meant to find each other again. I’m just not sure we are meant to be parents. Well, he might be, but I’m not positive I am. I see the world differently. I know the dangers that lurk in the darkness and wonder if bringing a child into the world is the right thing to do.

I bring my knees to my chest and look at the ocean. To my left, candidates are training, or they were. Now, most of the candidates are sleeping, with their legs and feet pressed against the wall, so their boots will dry. Their trainer is running. He’s passed by me a couple of times now, from one end of the beach to the other, and when he passes by a group of civilian women, they catcall him. I wonder if he blushes or if he’s used to this? Does he ignore them? Does he ever stop and talk to them?

Someone approaches me, and I reach toward my back and clutch the handle of my gun. When they get closer, I realize it’s Tucker McCoy, and I relax.

“I thought that was you,” he says as he sits down next to me. “Where’s Nate?”

I haven’t a clue. I didn’t ask him about his plans when he left this morning. Is that bad of me? Should I know his every move? I think back to the conversation we had the night before, and he mentioned seeing Evan later. Is it later? God, my mind is a mess.

“Evan’s,” I say as confidently as possible. The last thing I need is for Tucker to say something to Nate about me not seeming myself. “Probably playing with their surveillance toys today.”

Tucker laughs. Honestly, I’d rather be there too, but somehow ended up here, at Seal beach, after driving around aimlessly. I’ve made the necessary plans to get the rest of my stuff from my Vegas rental, which is nothing more than a carload of belongings. My DC apartment will be another story, and I’m not sure of the best plan of attack there.

“They do have some pretty cool toys.”

That they do.

“Are you training?” I ask him as I motion toward the trainees. Tucker turns and nods.

“Yeah, they’re a good class. No one has rung the bell yet, which is surprising. We’ve put them through hell.”

“When is hell week?”

“This team is almost done. They have about a month left. Most of the guys are ready to deploy and want their assignments. These guys are eager.” Tucker looks back at the group sleeping not far from us. “Nate returns soon.”

“Monday,” I say. “It’s weird to think his sabbatical is over. I’m so used to having him around. Now, we’ll both wonder where each other are at.”

“I doubt he’ll deploy. I think they’re going to keep him on base where they can watch him.”

“Is that why you’re here?”

He nods. “So, I can watch them. I don’t trust anyone outside my circle. Everyone is a suspect to me.”

“Sadly, it’s the same thing for me.” I sigh and pull my legs closer. “I keep asking why. Why your team? How did Frannie know Penny was in Vermont? We’re missing something.”

Tucker moves the sand with his hand. “Evan said there was a car outside their house the night before the wedding.”

I nod. “I’m looking into it.” That’s all I’m willing to say at the moment. “Have you seen River lately?”

“Yeah, he showed up at Magoo’s the other day. That’s usually where I see him. I think Slick Rick lets him crash in the backroom or something. Penny and I have talked and said he could stay with us, but River . . . he’s paranoid. He’s not sure people aren’t following him.”

“He went through a lot. You all did, but River,” I pause and think back to the file I have in my car. “To find out your wife isn’t who you thought she was and orchestrated so much pain, it’s hard to swallow.”

“And then to kill her to protect my family. I’ve thanked him, but it’s not enough. It’s never going to be enough. He knows if it wasn’t for him—”

“You would’ve never been in this situation, and he wouldn’t have had to kill his wife.”

“Fucking shitty,” Tucker says. “Anyway, I gotta get back. Their lunch break is over, and now I’m in a mood.” He laughs as he stands.

“Don’t make them pay because you ran into me.”

“No promises.” Tucker walks away and effortlessly trudges through the sand. I can never seem to walk in it without looking like I’m falling over or sinking. I suppose it comes with being a SEAL.

I stay on the beach for another hour or so, watching BUDs training. I try to picture myself as a mother whose son is about to enlist or ship off. I don’t know how Julianne did it with her twins and her husband. Maybe that’s why she’s so closed-off. She’s seen a lot of heartache over the years and has had to live with losing her husband and son, only to have her son return. I suppose that will screw anyone up. I don’t know if I can do it. It’s bad enough knowing Nate can deploy next week if his command wants him to, and then what? I’m with Tucker. I don’t trust anyone.

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