Page 10 of The Archer Brothers

“‘Where?’”

“‘Oh, you know, Ry. I’m going to go protect our country, but don’t worry though. I’ll be back.’”

“The next day, I went to the base and filled out some paperwork. The secretary said I was lucky because most of the single men leave everything to their moms and that he must really love me. I told her I didn’t want the money just him. The one thing I wouldn’t get was his death benefit; that was strictly next of kin, and until we were married that wasn’t me.

“I didn’t even want the life insurance, but I wasn’t going to tell him that. Anyway, we had a week until he left, and I was a mess, but not in front of him. I’d break down in the bathroom or in between classes. It was weird because I didn’t see him every day, but knowing he was an hour away made things a little easier for me. Knowing that I’d see him on the weekends was like my reward for doing well in school.

“So with a deadline looming, I was a wreck. All I could think about is what if he doesn’t come home or what if he comes home and doesn’t want me anymore? So many thoughts were running through my mind, but I couldn’t share them with him. I couldn’t put him under that stress. I needed him to leave with a clear head and with the knowledge that I loved him more than anything.

“I hid a lot of my fears from him for years. I just couldn’t bring myself to tell him what I was feeling. I think, sometimes, he thought I knew how to deal with deployment because of my dad, but that was different.”

“What happened the day he left?”

“It was a beautiful day, and I woke up in his arms. He could’ve gotten into trouble, but he didn’t care. It wasn’t the weekend so no visitors were allowed in the barracks, but he was all for breaking the rules that night.”

“‘It’s time for me to go.’”

“‘I know.’”

“His kisses were gentle, not rushed. He was memorizing the way we fit. I started crying against my will. I couldn’t hold my tears back. I didn’t want him to go. I was used to having him on my weekends and now he was going to be gone for who knows how long… a year or longer. I was just so afraid that we wouldn’t be the same when he came back.”

“‘I love you, Ry. I love you so damn much nothing’s going to change that. I’m going to come home to you and get you to walk down the aisle to marry my sorry ass.’”

“‘I love you too, Evan. Please come home to me.’”

“‘I promise.’”

“He promised every time he left, and I believed him.” I wipe away a tear, keeping my eyes on the ground. “I felt fear when he was gone. In the blink of an eye everything changed. Nothing prepares you for them leaving even though you know it’s coming. Phones calls don’t stop until they’re on the plane and you’re left standing there wondering what the hell just happened. Some wives cry hysterically and others – the ones that have done this many times – shed a few tears, round up their children and head back to their homes to start a new routine.

“The wives had each other. I didn’t have anyone. I was going back to school to finish out my year. Evan would miss my summer vacation. We wouldn’t be taking weekend camping trips or going to the beach. I didn’t have Nate, either. He was off doing his own specialized training and that meant I was alone.”

“Did Evan call often?”

I shake my head. “The phone calls were sporadic and sometimes I’d miss them because of class or I’d be asleep from studying. With each missed call, I’d cry for days. I just wanted to hear his voice and hear that he was okay. A voicemail wasn’t enough for me. When we could connect, the calls where short and sometimes hard to hear. I tried not to get angry, but I couldn’t help it. The littlest things were so important and we weren’t getting those.

“I resorted to writing him letters and sending goodie boxes. I’d go to my parents’ on the weekends and make him cookies and buy him necessities. I’d send a box every two weeks, but letters more often. Sometimes the letters were just the wordsI love youand sometimes it was the essay I had to write for my class. I’d write to him like he was sitting on my bed while I was studying. I sent him pictures of the oddest things, like a random leaf on the ground that fell while I was writing him or something like that. I’d just write so he had words.

“And when letters came in, I didn’t want to read them for fear my tears would wash away his words just like the day he gave me his phone number. I needed to hold onto whatever I could until he came home.”

“Would you say Evan was possessive of you?”

I laugh. “Yes and no. If you think about it, what teenage boy isn’t possessive of what’s theirs? But he wasn’t violent about it. He did assert himself, but others knew we were together.”

“What about other women who were interested in Evan?”

“I had to beat them off with a stick. It was bad. They were everywhere and Nate said it was worse because he had a girlfriend.”

“Evan was popular?”

“Both the twins were, but like I said they were different. Evan was outgoing, the life of the party, and his mother called him a skirt chaser. Nate was more academic and just an overall good guy.”

“How did you feel when you were with Evan?”

“Secure,” I say confidently. Remembering those early days with Evan has helped me keep his memory alive. “Loved. Cherished. I could go on and on.” I stop for a minute and look at the therapist. “I know you’re probably thinking because his mom called him a skirt chaser that he was a cheater or a womanizer, but he wasn’t. Never did I think he was unfaithful to me. He told his dad that once he saw me, no one else existed for him.”

“Don’t you think he was too young to make that declaration?”

I shake my head and look her square in the eyes. “My parents started dating when they were in the seventh grade. They never dated anyone else and entered the service together and are still happily married. I believe you can find your soul mate at any age; it’s the circumstance that brings you together.”

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