Page 42 of Beautifully Wild

It’s not a simple act of letting it go because I’m furious I had no say in this. He had all the control over how we said goodbye. I hate how he ended us and didn’t give me a chance to show him we could try a long-distancefriendship. Because the idea of never seeing him again cuts through to my fucking soul.

In perfect timing, Bree returns with four coffees. “Girls, we should go check out,” she says as she passes us all a disposable cup. I down it in one shot and wish it contained something harder.

“I have to shower first and get his scent off me,” I snap.

Bree nods like she’s a bloody dashboard doll, her head bobbing continuously.

Under the shower, I let my frustration go. I cry uncontrollably, the water washing away tears of heartbreak. I trusted him to let me go gently, not leave me alone with a fucking note to end us. It’s not as bad as the breakup with Ethan, yet it hurts more. I expected more because he acted like a gentleman and not a twit like my ex.

We weren’t together-together.

Still, I trusted him to do it right this time since he left me the same way in Rio. My chest heaves with hurt, a stab wound to my heart, and for the first time, I wished I had never met him.

On the drive to the airport, I barely speak.

We board the plane, and I’m seated beside Bree.

I lock away my hand luggage, and before sitting, I lean over the seat and look Yasmine in the eye. “Can you find out from Michael where he works?”

Yasmine nods. “I’ll do my best, babe.”

She’s not to blame, and yet I can’t help the anger and disappointment inside me believing she could’ve probed Michael more since she didn’t seem surprised that Samuel up and left me this morning. Is she hiding something? I know Yasmine is good for her word, and if she promised Michael, then there’s no way I’ll get her to reveal anything without his consent.

I let out a sigh.

It’s her relationship with Michael I envy and how she trusts him despite our friendship spanning a decade. I glance out the window and, at the moment, acknowledge I’m the same as her. I trusted Samuel just as quickly as she did Michael, only Michael has proven himself not to be a douchebag like Samuel.

Halfway through the flight, Bree digs into her pouch and holds a crumpled piece of paper folded in an attempt to smooth out creases. “I went to his room. The door was unlocked, and I found this on the floor.”

My heart skips a beat, realizing what she’s giving me. I look down at the piece of paper.

“I can’t.” I shake my head. “Not here. Can you hold onto it until I’m ready?”

“Sure.” Bree tucks the letter under the top to the pouch holding her passport.

“Did you read it?” I whisper.

Bree’s eyes hold mine. “Only the first few lines to make sure I had the right piece of paper.” She squeezes my hand, then lets it go.

I look out the window at the clouds. We have begun our descent, and beneath the clouds are vast stretches of green. The tight ball of anger in my chest softens. Rivers are like snakes, winding and dividing the land. I’m filled with an inner calling.

I can’t help thinking Samuel is down there.

Somewhere.

The question is, am I capable of letting him go?

23

Eden

Ciudad Guayana, Bolivar, Venezuela

GuayanaCityisn’tlikeany other place we’ve visited. It’s a river city with modern architecture and pretty patterned lawns.

We checked in to a Euro Hotel. While the receptionist organized our rooms, I browsed through the rack of brochures on display. It turns out we’re in the heart of the city and close to Llovizna Falls. The truth is, regardless of what this city has to offer, I want to stay in my room, be alone, and hide under the covers. I need time to process why I fell hard and fast after months of locking away my heart.

“I hear there’s a nightclub downstairs.” Yasmine smiles, and I’m aware it’s her way of trying to pull me out of a dark place. I smile back at her, and yet it holds no joy. Out of habit, I grab a handful of brochures before following her and the others, who are chatting excitedly about how to spend our two days and one night here.

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