Page 169 of Her Beast

He gave an affronted laugh.

“I love you and want to spend my life with you. And it ismylife to throw away if I want to.” She leaned in and pressed a butterfly kiss to his slack lips.

When she sat back, the humor that had been sparkling in her eyes had turned serious. “Let me see you.”

“No.”

“I saw when you took off your mask earlier.”

“That was different—you were far away, not inches from me.”

“What are you so afraid of? That I’ll run screaming in horror, or that Iwon’trun?” Her eyes widened. “That’s it, isn’t it? You don’twantme to love you and stay with you. You’re afraid, aren’t you?”

She’s got you there, Mal.

Malcolm ground his molars so hard it made his jaw ache.Now is not the time, Sukey.

“Malcolm?”

His eye snapped back to the woman who was actually alive and in the room with him. “I’ll never be able to give you the life you want, Julia.”

“What life is that?”

He sighed.

“No, I want to know what life you think I want?”

“A Season, for one—I’ve heard you say it.”

“Malcolm, that was something I wanted because I hoped I’d find my prince—that I’d find love.” She smiled ruefully. “I’ve already found both—what in the world would I do with a Seasonnow?”

“You’re only twenty, Julia—”

“I’ll be twenty-one in three months.”

“Fine, you’re almost twenty-one. I’ll be forty-four on my next birthday.”

“Nadine is eighteen years younger than my father.”

He laughed bitterly. “And just look how well that marriage turned out.”

Julia gave an exasperated sigh. “My point is that our age difference isn’t that unusual. Lily’s husband is forty-six and they are deliriously happy.” She frowned. “Is that your only reason for resisting me—my age?” She began to lower her arms. “Or is it because you don’t love me and—”

“No.” Malcolm seized her arms to keep them around him. “No, that’s not it.”

Her smile was luminous. “Youdolove me?”

Oh, just say it!Say it and set me free, Mal. Say it and forgive yourself.

Julia slid her hand around his neck and pulled him toward her. Her kisses were different than before, more insistent and needy.

His tattered control snapped and he wrapped his arms around her, crushing her mouth with his.

Don’t throw this away. Forgive yourself, Mal.Sukey’s voice was softer, fainter, and Malcolm suddenly knew—with a stab of sadness—that was the last he’d hear from her, no matter what decision he made today. From now on, he’d be able to blame nobody but himself.

Malcolm crushed Julia to his chest so tightly it was difficult for him to breathe—no doubt even worse for her—and did something he’d not done in decades: he prayed.

Please make this the right decision.

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