Page 13 of Into the Light

“Again with the protective bullshit? I’m allowed to talk to boys, you know.”

I opened the door and held it open for her to walk in first. She climbed the stairs with a huff and I pretended it wasn’t adorable.

“That guy’s an asshole.”

“He’s not that bad. And he was being perfectly nice tonight.”

“There’s a reason you broke up, though, right?”

At the top of the stairs, Ellie turned right, opened her apartment door, and held it for me this time.

“Well, it was complicated.” She shut the door behind me and walked to the fridge to grab a couple beers. “That whole thing with Lucas and the Coastal League. It made me uncomfortable and it was easier to just break things off.”

And I didn’t complain about that at the time. Last spring, before Theo and Sara got together, Derek introduced Sara to his friend Lucas, who turned out to be a fucking maniac. Ellie dumped Derek not long after, which put me at ease. She was way too good for Derek and I still didn’t trust him after the shit his friend pulled. But now that they were talking again, my hackles were up.

“I think you did the right thing the first time and should ignore that guy.”

“What does it even matter to you? I can’t be single forever and if you haven’t noticed, the dating pool here is pretty shallow.”

“What are you talking about, there’s lots of guys around.” She handed me a Sam Adams and made a point to roll her eyes so far back, I’m surprised she didn’t strain them. It was bullshit, and we both knew it. There were a good number of guys around town but most of them were married, or too old, or too young. And the only ones left weren’t good enough for her. Period. But that was just my own assessment.

“Why do you need to date anyway? Nothing wrong with the single life.”

“You would sure know.”

“Ha.” I grabbed a slice of pizza and took a swig of the beer.

“No, of course there’s not. I like being by myself just fine. But… I don’t know. I guess I want more.” She sat down next to me on the couch and I tried to not think about how her thigh was only inches away from mine. “Don’t you ever feel that way?”

I didn’t know how to answer that. Of course I wanted more. But I only wanted it with Ellie and I couldn’t just admit that to her.

I shrugged. “I guess. But it’s not really in the cards for me.”

“Why not?”

Another shrug. Man, I was a killer conversationalist. “I don’t know. Just not meant to be.”

Ellie put her pizza down and turned to face me, her knee sliding against my thigh.

“Well, what if the right woman came along? Wouldn’t you want to see where it could go?”

I had to be careful. There was a very loud part of my mind that wanted her to be talking about herself. That she was the right woman. And all the little flirtations throughout the years meant something to her.

But the other part of my head, the one I had to force myself to listen to, was screaming at me that she wasn’t. That she was just talking. And even if she was talking about her and I, it wouldn’t matter. Because I was no good for her. Plus, she was Sam’s little sister. I was here to look out for her, not be her man.

“I mean, it doesn’t really matter. I can’t go down that road.”

“Why not?”

She leaned in closer. Almost imperceptibly. But vanilla flooded my senses and I breathed a little deeper. It took everything I had in me to say the next sentence.

“I’m no good for anyone.”

Her sharp intake of breath and raised eyebrows showed her hand. “Why would you say that?”

My turn to shrug. “It’s true, Ellie.”

“No, Raf, I know you. There’s so much good in you. Do you really not see that?”

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