Page 23 of Into the Light

I figured I’d stay in bed and lean into the whole “sick” thing, so I didn’t move. But then Sara appeared in my bedroom doorway carrying a bag of food and I burst into tears.

She set the bag down and ran to me, sitting on the edge of the bed and pulling me into a hug.

“You’re not sick, are you?”

“No,” I cried. She held me and I let the tears fall. A few minutes later, I sniffled the last of the tears and she handed me tissues from the box on my nightstand. I blew my nose while she got up, and when she came back, she handed me a warm cloth to wipe my face.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t know. It’s stupid.”

“It’s certainly not if it’s making you cry and stay in bed for three days.”

I sighed.

“Come on,” she said, pulling me to the kitchen. “I brought soup in case you really were sick, and baked goods and ice cream in case you weren’t.”

“That’s perfect.”

* * *

An hour later, filled to the brim with Sara’s cookies and lemon squares, I was ready to talk about it. I had worried that admitting my feelings out loud would somehow mess with the group dynamic. But it was only Sara here, and I knew I could trust her to keep it quiet. So I took a deep breath and blurted it out.

“I’m in love with Raf.”

“Well, of course you are.”

“What?”

“Sorry, should I have acted surprised?”

“Ugh. How long have you known? Doeseveryoneknow?”

“I doubt it, no one else has the gift.”

Sara was pretty woowoo, but her instincts and insights were almost always spot-on. I didn’t know if I believed in magic or psychic ability, but I believed in Sara.

“Well, I told him I didn’t want anything to do with him anymore.”

“Oh wow. I thought you were going to say you confessed your feelings for each other.”

“No way, I’m tired of—wait a minute. For each other? Raf doesn’t have feelings for me.”

“Oh, yes he does. He just can’t admit it for some reason.” She shook her head and grabbed another cookie. “That boy has a backstory. He just keeps it locked up.”

“We’re close. I’ve thought maybe he wanted me before. But every time he does something that makes me think that, he turns around and does something else to ruin it. He’s so hot and cold and I’m so sick of it.” Now that I was talking, I couldn’t stop, and Sara seemed to sense it, so she put her cookie down and listened.

“I’ve tried to keep him at a distance, but then he reappears. And it’s almost like he does the same. But I can’t take feeling like I’m wanted one moment, and then rejected the next. I don’t know how to handle it.

“He was angry I brought Derek as my date to the wedding, and I don’t know, it just set me off. Like how is that any of his business to care about when he’s had a million chances to be with me but chooses not to? Am I just supposed to wait around?”

I didn’t expect an answer, but I was out of breath and tired of the whole thing. I stuffed another cookie into my mouth.

“I completely understand where you’re coming from. It’s not fair to you at all. It’s not fair to either of you. But I fear it’s more complicated than that.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve sensed he’s wanted you for years. Why do you think he never dates anyone? Why do you think he always wants to take you home and be around you? But something is holding him back.”

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