Page 20 of Into the Light

He nodded as we made eye contact, and I knew he was also holding back tears. Because as much as we loved this town and our extended family here, we really only had each other for so long. Seeing him embrace love and find his match was one of the best things I’d ever experienced. Because it wasn’t just getting to watch my brother fall in love. It was also expanding our family—giving us a future that was so much brighter than our painful past. And that was a precious gift.

When I looked next to him to see Raf and Theo, my heart swelled even more. They all looked so handsome in their tuxedos. Theo’s devilish grin was firmly in place, his hands in his pockets and eyes surveying the crowd. Rafael’s hair was perfectly groomed, his face freshly shaved. And those muscles of his sure filled out the tux.

I could tell he was looking at me, but I purposely avoided eye contact with Raf as I continued down the aisle. I smiled at the guests watching me and did my best to be a good Maid of Honor. But every part of me kept pulling me back to him. When I reached the front, I winked at Sam and turned to stand next to Sara.

The music changed and everyone stood. A moment later, Alex appeared at the back of the aisle like an angel. Her white gown’s skirt matched ours with its flowy fabric. But the bodice was beaded lace that sparkled in the spotlight that was now on her. She’d decided to walk alone, as she hadn’t known her father until recently, and even now, their relationship was complicated. But it worked out for the best.

She looked heaven-sent as she glided toward us, a bouquet of dusty pink roses and purple dahlias in her hands. I glanced over to Sam, who now definitely had tears in his eyes. His face contorted in the sweetest way, as Theo and Raf patted him on the back.

Alex continued down the aisle, all grace and beauty, beaming at Sam. And when she got to the front and handed her bouquet to me, my brother couldn’t help himself and sneaked a kiss from her. Everyone laughed, and the minister made a joke, but I wasn’t listening because it was at that moment that I accidentally made eye contact with Raf.

There was something in his expression, some unknowing emotion I didn’t dare to guess, that made me shiver. His eyes flitted down my body and up again, and for a moment, held mine. But then he looked away, and I shook off his spell, turning my attention back to the happy couple.

Or at least, I tried. But I couldn’t stop thinking about the man just ten feet away from me. The man who I’d wanted for years, who made it very clear, he wanted nothing from me except friendship. But I had male friends and none of them looked at me the way he did. As I stood there, my blood started to boil with anger at his mixed signals. But now was not the time. So once again, I put my foot down regarding Raf. Tonight was too important to spend it confused about a man and his contradictions.

I forced my eyes over to the minister and listened to the ceremony. Beautiful words for a beautiful couple. But focusing was harder than I wanted it to be. Every time my thoughts strayed, I mentally slapped my wrist. Pretty soon it was over and time for Sam to kiss the bride. I’d held up pretty well. But as they turned to walk back up the aisle, I realized I now needed to walk with Raf. He stepped toward me, the intense look still firm on his face, and held out his arm for me to take.

I almost didn’t take it. But everyone was still watching, so I slipped my hand on his elbow and tried to keep my distance. Apparently he had other ideas.

He pulled me closer to his side, so that our bodies touched. A zap of energy shot down my spine at the feel of his hard muscled leg against mine. And then he leaned down and whispered in my ear, so softly, but with his signature deep timbre.

“We need to talk.”

* * *

Whatever Raf wanted to talk about, he didn’t get the chance. We were whisked outside to take photos during the sunset by a very high strung photographer.

Standing on the back deck of the hotel overlooking the water, we posed, groups at a time. The water glistened with the light from the falling sun. The salt air was cool, but the breeze from the bay was surprisingly warm, and felt like a stroke of luck made just for the wedding. Seagulls squawked in the distance but it was relatively quiet and as I looked around at my loved ones, all joyous and dressed to the nines, I tried to commit this moment to memory. To always look back on this night and remember how happy we all were.

Sam and Alex had already taken photos before the wedding, a newer “first look” tradition that was supposed to cut down on post-wedding photos. But it didn’t feel like that was accomplished.

The photographer arranged and rearranged us over and over again. Sam and me. Alex and me. Alex and Sam and me. All of us. Then just the girls. Then just the boys. Then all of us again. I never realized how exhausting taking wedding photos was. And throughout all of it, every time Raf leaned down to my ear and opened his mouth, he got scolded for ruining the shot. It would have been funny if I hadn’t been so nervous about what he wanted to say.

“Okay, men, I’d like you to slide behind the women. Yep, back and just a hair to the left. And wrap your arms around their waists.”

Oh hell. What is this, prom? Raf’s hands seared my skin through the fabric of my dress. We’d never really been this close before, at least not for more than a quick hug. And now, the salt and pine and man-scent that was all Raf wafted up to my nose as he positioned his body flush with my back. I tried to focus. I really did. But all I could think about was the fact that Raf’s dick was resting at the top of my butt.

Do not wiggle. Repeat. Do NOT wiggle.

Trying like hell to remain as still as possible, I posed for the camera, hoping my face didn’t look strained. I could just imagine having to stare at a photo on the wall of Sam and Alex’s house every time I went over. Oh yeah, I look constipated because Raf was up my ass. Or at least, Iwishedhe was. But all too soon, I felt the heat of him leave me and a breeze cooled down my entire back side. He’d stepped away, and too soon. The photographer looked annoyed, but at that moment, Jessie interrupted and with a shrill voice practiced in getting people’s attention, announced that we were to head inside to get ready for the introductions.

When I turned to chance a look at Raf, all I saw was him turning away from me and walking toward the door.

nine

RAFAEL

After taking photos,which was torture in its own right, we gathered in a small private room off the ballroom for drinks. The band would announce us soon and we’d have to walk out in front of all the guests which was the last thing I wanted to do. But Ellie would be on my arm, so it was worth it.

A waiter came in carrying a silver tray of champagne flutes. I grabbed two and walked over to Ellie, who was still doing her best to ignore me. She stood by the window, looking out at the Harbor. I approached behind her, forcing myself to look away from her and to the view instead.

The water was dark, but the lights of the hotel sparkled off it. The moon was low in the sky, not quite full, but bright enough to illuminate the trees to the north.

If I could let myself be a romantic person, I would take her hand and lead her out to the patio to stand there together, under that moon. I would tell her how beautiful she looked tonight. How beautiful she always looked. And then I’d take her cheek in my hand, slide my other hand to her waist. And I’d lean in and claim her lips.

It would be perfect, because Ellie was perfect. But that’s exactly why I couldn’t do any of it. She was far too good for me. So instead, I nudged her shoulder with mine. I could sense her head turning toward me, and held out the champagne, my eyes still on the water because if I dared to look at her right now, my willpower would go straight out this very window.

She took the glass from my hand and bumped my shoulder back in response. I couldn’t help the smile that formed on my lips. We just stood there, sipping the bubbly and watching the lights sparkle on the water. Like we were in a damn movie or something. Or maybe it was just my mind playing tricks on me. Maybe none of this was as poetic as I made it out to be. But that was how it always was when I thought of Ellie. Poetic. And god help me, I never wanted it to change.

---