Page 28 of When You Dance
“I can, but I won’t. Random niggas with their hands on me makes my skin crawl. I’d rather not.”
He opened the door, and when I walked through it, he said, “Have a good night.”
“You too.”
He stayed outside to wait for others to arrive. The moment I entered the locker room, I saw Desire near my locker talking shit about me. “She think she better than everybody. She ain’t shit. Throw that bitch out there and make her give lap dances, and I bet she’ll nut up.”
When everyone else noticed me, they turned away from her and busied themselves with something. She turned and saw me then chuckled. “Y’all scared of her?”
“I don’t think I’m better than anyone except a gossiping, no talent ass bitch like you.Youthink I’m better than you though, that’s why you have my name in your mouth. I don’t give lap dances, because I don’t like random muthafuckas’ hands on me.”
She frowned hard and was making her way to me until her homegirl pulled her back. I dropped my bag to the bench, ready to beat her ass. At this point, I didn’t give a shit about fucking up my makeup or hair. I’d taken the braids out and was rocking my naturally curly hair that I wore in a messy bun tonight. It would be really easy for me to quit if I was gonna have to deal with her ass every night.
I didn’t even care about my mask… not when it came to my name. I refused to let her drag my name in my presence without consequence. After mean mugging her for about five minutes, I started getting ready for my set. This shit was going to get old fast if Tip didn’t do something about it. I put a mint in my mouth and watched as they all made their way out of the room. There was no way I would knowingly turn my back to any of those bitches.
Whenever someone was doing better, instead of applauding that person and taking notes on how they did it, they were immediately ready to hate on them. That mentality was stupid as hell to me. I would much rather applaud that person and try to learn from them so I could get my bag than try to pull them down. People were weird, and now I understood why I kept to myself in the first place.
As I came out of my clothes and put on my light pink lingerie, I heard my phone vibrate in the locker. I grabbed it to see a message from Jamel. My heart sank a bit as I opened it.Why am I doing this to myself?I was punishing myself by not having him close, but I would also be punishing myself later if he tried to change me or give me an ultimatum.
Hey, baby. I hope you have a good night at the club.
I closed my eyes for a moment and brought my phone to my chest. He had my heart, and I didn’t know how he’d gotten it so fast. I was always withdrawn and had a damn barrier around it. I didn’t allow people in easily, but he’d gotten in so quickly, and I barely knew him. For months, he watched and drooled over me. Usually, fans came often to see me, but not damn near every weekend. Gathering the nerve, I responded.Hey, Jamel. Thank you.
Locking my belongings up, I rested my forehead against the locker. I was miserable without him. After tonight, I would have to talk to him. Taking a deep breath, I stood up straight and held my head high, making my way to the stairwell. Once Silk did my introduction, I made my way to the stage to leave it in flames as I always did.
* * *
When I woke up,I made my bed, brushed my teeth, washed my face, then went and cooked breakfast. Last night proved to be my worst night, mentally, in a while. Knowing that I had to do it all over again tonight only made me wish I would have stuck to the weekends and just used my money in my savings. I couldn’t take care of and run a house like this. I needed something with stability.
However, I supposed nothing had stability these days. They could fire you for anything in the state of Texas, didn’t even have to have a reason, actually. Once I’d reheated my cuscus, which was simply steamed semolina that was sweet to the taste, and the cachupas I made Tuesday, I fried an egg to put on top of it. Cachupas was simply a stew made of corn, beans, sweet potato, cassava, and any type of meat. I used fish. It also contained morcela, which was blood sausage.
Cachupas and cuscus were traditional Cape Verdean dishes that my mama cooked often. This breakfast was traditional as well. I was grateful she’d passed down pieces of my culture that I could always have with me and maybe one day pass down to my children if I ever had any.
Once I was done with breakfast and had cleaned the kitchen, I sat on the couch with my phone in hand, nervous about contacting Jamel. I knew he was at work and possibly couldn’t talk, but he would at least know I called. Before I could place the call, I noticed his text.
Good morning, Sandrene. I hope you have a great day, baby.
I closed my eyes for a second. He’d been consistently reaching out to me, showing me his interest. He was everything I seemed to want in a man… despite his disdain for me continuing to strip if I were his. Whether I was ready to be his or not, I knew I already was. I wanted to believe that he knew it as well.
The doorbell rang, pulling me from my thoughts. I glanced at my attire, and for once, I didn’t even care that I only wore a sports bra and some tight volleyball style shorts. I went to the door and checked the peephole to see a man standing there with a bouquet of flowers. Jamel was spoiling me. I opened the door, and the delivery guy looked to nearly drool on himself. “Umm… are you Sandrene Jallow?”
“Yes.”
“These are for you. I just need you to sign for them.”
I smiled at the bouquet of daylilies then took them and set them on the table near the door. Going back to him, I signed his electronic device with the stylus he gave me then wished him a good day. Before I could close the door, I saw him silently scan my body before he walked off. I smiled slightly, then locked the door.
The flowers had to have been sprayed with a fragrance because they smelled so good. Practically running to my phone, I clicked on Jamel’s number. He answered immediately. “Sandrene,” he said like he’d been given a breath of fresh air after being in toxins all day.
“Hi, Jamel.”
“Damn, girl. Hold on right quick.”
I could hear him talking to someone else then some noise. After a minute or so, he said, “You still there?”
“Yeah.”
“How have you been?”
