Page 37 of When You Dance
“I have to look harder for a job. I was prepared to go toe to toe with you about working at the club, but after tonight, I don’t even want to be there. I’m scared to go back. I don’t know who to trust. What if it happens again? What if Desire… Dalonna gets someone else to do something crazy? I can’t believe I didn’t recognize her ass. I’ve worked with her for nearly nine years, and I didn’t recognize her.”
“She wears a lot of makeup. She proly look like shit up under all that.”
She giggled. “She wasn’t that cute as a kid. I believe she was jealous of me. I have smooth skin and long natural hair because of my heritage. She had all the other kids at school hating me. The only thing they could talk about were my teeth. That was why my mama got them fixed.”
“Well, remember I told you I could help you? My boy Jungle’s sister works for a record label in Atlanta. She could possibly get you in music videos. Her best friend owns a dance studio right here in H-Town. Maybe you can be an instructor or something. Just depends on what you want, baby.”
Her eyes brightened as I stroked her cheek again. I continued. “I can take care of you. You can move in with me and everything.”
“Mel, are you sure that you’re capable of being in a relationship?”
“I’m not sure, but I know I care for you a lot. I think I told you this before, but I don’t want anyone but you. I know you don’t wanna go back to that club. I got’chu. I make good money. You of all people should know.”
She giggled then suddenly started crying. I went to my knees and pulled her to me. “Baby, what’s wrong?”
“I just… tonight has been a lot. My dad created a mess that I’ve come to hate him for.”
I lowered my head as I thought about Dexter Dent, Senior. Her words were extremely familiar. I’d voiced those same words when I was in my late teenage years and early twenties. I couldn’t understand how he could leave us the way he did like we meant nothing to him. It wasn’t until I matured a bit that I could somewhat see things from his perspective. If something happened to my mama, I wouldn’t be any good to anyone for a while.
“Don’t hate him, Sandrene. It will only cause you more stress. My dad completely abandoned his family for a crack pipe when I was eleven or twelve. He’d left emotionally long before he left physically. So I know what it means to have hatred in your heart for the man that should have looked out for you… protected you at all costs. That’s why I look up to my brother. He was the man of the house.”
She gently stroked my cheek as I continued. “It wasn’t until I was an adult that I tried to understand. He lived with me for a while before he relapsed on drugs and died. I honestly think he wanted to die. Seeing my mother so happy without him took him low. She’d already met Pop, and she liked him a lot. My dad couldn’t deal with how much damage he’d caused and how he lost his family. I was able to forgive him though. At some point, you’ll have to do the same with your dad.”
“I’m so sorry about your dad. I can’t even think about forgiving my dad after what happened tonight. This is all his fault. He fucked everything up,” she said as she started to cry again.
“I know, baby. Let me wash you so we can go to bed.”
She nodded as she sat up in the tub. “I saw Jeremiah wink at Desire. I should have known some bullshit was finna go down. He was extra quiet when he walked me out tonight. When we got to the car and he pinned me against it, my heart sank to my feet. Desire had told Jeff that Tip wanted him at the front tonight. He felt so guilty about just taking Desire’s word for that.”
She cried more as I helped her to a standing position so I could wash her beautiful body. “Jamel… he fingered me.”
When I looked up at her as I went to my knees, her eyes were closed. That was probably a good thing. She couldn’t see the anger and rage in my eyes. It was a good thing that he was in jail. If he bonded out, he was gon’ have to really watch his back. I didn’t get involved in street shit, but I’d call Seneca or Ali to have him fucked up. I would even call Jungle for a favor if I had to, since he considered us family.
“I hate that he did that. Had he not taken my mask off, there’s no telling how far he would have gotten before they came outside and broke up his assault. What if he would have raped me?”
“The important thing is that he didn’t. Look at me.”
She opened her eyes and stared down at me as I washed her legs. “Had he done that, you would have seen a side of me that even I haven’t seen in years. Don’t worry your mind over shit that didn’t happen, okay? You have enough on your plate with what actually happened.” After pausing for a moment to let the water out, I continued. “Do you want me to handle him?”
She shook her head. “No. Let the police handle it. If I didn’t want to know them before, I surely don’t want to know them now. I just want to go to bed and lay in your arms.”
“You told that officer I was your boyfriend?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because you are the only person that I could think of that I trusted. You were the first person I thought about calling. You’re the only person I want close to me. I refused to get out of my car until you got there. I’m still not totally sure about it, but I still want to be with you. My desire to know you better is strong. I need you, Jamel.”
I gave her the towel to wash between her legs. Triggering her was the last thing I wanted to do. When she finished, I stood and rinsed the soap from her body with the sprayer. “I need you too, Sandrene. You’re the woman for me, and I knew it the first time I saw you in the club.”
She gave me a tight smile as I turned the water off then helped her from the tub. After I patted her dry, she said, “I think I want to be a pole dance instructor. You think she would allow that in her studio?”
“I’m not sure, but there’s only one way to find out. If not, you can always start your own. I got you on that. Whatever you need from me to help you do that, you got it.”
I led her to the bedroom and grabbed the cocoa butter scented lotion from my nightstand to rub her down. As smooth as her skin always was, I knew I couldn’t let her go to bed without moisturizing it. It took everything in me to be calm while she talked and cried. I really wanted to get at that nigga, but I would respect her wishes for now. He needed to eventually pay the piper. I’d seen people suffer for less.
In the meantime, I would continue to be everything she needed me to be. Although she didn’t give me an answer about moving in with me, I knew she was thinking about it. Being home alone wouldn’t be good for her right now. She was afraid that they knew where she lived.Damn, I wish she would have come to Beaumont with me.We would have enjoyed the wedding together, and she could have met my family. I was thankful this situation wasn’t worse just as she was, but I couldn’t be so forgiving. Hopefully, I could make it through the week without calling Seneca to take care of his ass.
