Page 25 of Courting Envy
"Rava," Lucian said, his voice twisting. "Don't leave like this."
"I'm the queen, apparently, so I'll leave however I damn well like."
I ignored the pained expression on his face as I turned away and stomped over to Reon. "Come on," I said. "I'm done here."
My words were firm, but the ache in my chest was real. Why could none of this be simple?
Reon was thankfully quiet as he escorted me back to my chambers. In fact, he was often quiet, and I liked that about him. Of all the demons I'd come into contact with so far, he was the one I was most comfortable with. Kyveli was all mystery and desire, and my feelings for Lucien were so fucking complicated at this point that I wasn't sure whether I would end up loving or loathing him. Maybe both, depending on the day.
I didn't want this to be my life.
Reon gave the guards at my door a nod as we approached, and their nods in reply seemed to suggest that no one had entered my chambers since we'd left. Was it weird that I trusted these snake men? Maybe not, after all, their main job seemed to be protecting the rulers of this realm. And I was one of them.
Reon opened the door for me, but he stayed outside.
"Can you come in for a moment, please?" I asked him. I didn’t want to be alone right now. I bit my lip, trying not to cry.
He hesitated on the threshold, but then came in and closed the door behind him.
"What can I do for you, my lady?" His words were gentle.
"Rava, please. Even if it's only here in my rooms. I just want to be normal." My shoulders dropped and I felt tears well in my eyes. Reon moved then, wrapping his arms around my body in a delicious embrace. Oh, gods, how I needed this hug. I let the tears come, let them flow freely down my face as I squeezed Reon tight. His tail coiled around me, holding my legs as well. A full body embrace. I wanted him to just devour me so that the pain would go away and I wouldn't have to think about anything.
He felt so good.
"Rava," he said, and my name on his lips made me look up, made me reach up to try and pull him down. But he was like stone, unbendable. "Rava," he said again, softer this time, his eyes tinged with something I didn't understand.
"What is it?" I asked, a new pain in my chest. "Don't you want me?"
"I can't," he said. "You are the queen and I am a guard, and Lucien is my lord."
I bit my lip, trying not to let the sting of his rejection make this day even worse. I tried to pull away, to run, but he kept me there.
"It's not like that," Reon said. He seemed to deflate a little, curl into himself, though his tail was still coiled around me. "I don't... I'm not like most men. I like you, a lot. I think you're wonderful, and I love being around you, but I don't... I don't have those feelings. I don't want sex. With anyone."
Understanding dawned. "You're asexual!" I declared. "Or, at least, that's what they'd say back on earth. And that's fine. I get it," I assured him. "I didn't even think about that, and I'm so pleased you told me, Reon. Thank you for sharing that." I pressed my head against his chest and squeezed him tight again, wanting to make sure he knew that it didn't matter to me that he didn't want me that way. He cared about me, and that was enough. In fact, it was almost a relief. He was a beautiful snake man, but this took some of the pressure off.
"Asexual? That is a strange word, but if the meaning fits, then I guess I am."
"Are there others like you here?" I asked. "Is there any stigma about sexuality?"
A rumbling laugh vibrated from his chest. "No. You have sex with who you want, or you don't, and that is fine."
His answer warmed me. It seemed that unlike on earth, there was no stigma about loving who you loved, in whatever way you loved them. Strange to think I could find that in Hell.
"Can I ask you another question?" I drew back from him a bit, and his tail uncoiled, letting me go.
"Of course, my lady." He dipped his head, and I wished for one minute that he wouldn’t do that with me.
"Rava," I insisted.
"Rava."
I hoped that he wouldn’t take offence, but I was so new here and he was the safest person to ask these questions to.
"What are you? What kind of demon?"
"I am Naga, as are many of the guardians of the castle. We are the chosen protectors of the realm.”
