Page 76 of Before I Let Go

Those years, the leanest of our marriage, were somehow also some of the best.

It’s ironic that he remembers me sacrificing my soda and I remembered it being him. I wonder if that’s true of everything and the truth hides somewhere between what we each remember? Reshaping our memories to be what we thought they should. Did I make it better than it was? Did I ever make it worse?

I take him in, the sharp planes of his face juxtaposed with the fullness of his mouth. His austerity contrasted with his tenderness for the people who mean the most to him. He’s an enigma who makes perfect sense to me.

Or at least he used to.

“It was a good night,” I say, my throat burning as I try to break our stare. It’s like we’re in the middle of that tiny apartment again, shivering, huddled under blankets and eating cheap food from the grocery store in the light of candles. Perfectly content. A fist squeezes my heart until it oozes nostalgia and regret.

“I better go,” he says, finally looking away, stepping away.

“Yeah, see you tomorrow,” I say, my smile hanging on by a thread.

He opens the door and climbs in, starts the Rover, and leaves. I stand in the driveway long after he’s gone, shivering in the cold.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Josiah

Wait. Don’t ring the bell yet.”

I glance at Vashti over the box of covered dishes balanced in my arms, my finger poised at Yasmen’s doorbell.

“I’m nervous,” she says, squeezing her eyes shut. “I know it’s silly, but I can’t help it. It feels like I’m meeting your family.”

Otis, waiting on the porch with us, looks from Vashti to me and lies down, resting his head on his paws like he’s settling in while I calm her nerves.

“There’s nothing to be nervous about.” I shift my box and give her a reassuring smile. “It’s just the kids and Yas, and I think a few people from Grits who didn’t have anywhere to go for dinner.”

“And your mother-in-law.”

“Former mother-in-law,” I correct, though Carole Miller never feels like a former anything. She treated me like a son from jump, and that didn’t end with the divorce. The fact that she and Byrd loved each other so much only solidified the bond between our families. “You’ll love Carole and she’ll love you.”

“It’s really great of Yasmen to invite me. Not many women would be so kind and accepting to their ex’s new girl.”

“That’s Yas for you.” I tilt my chin to her own smaller box of dishes. “Besides, you definitely come bearing plenty of gifts with all this food.”

“I made sure not to cook anything from Carole’s list.”

“You’re one of the best chefs in the city, so thanks for being cool about Carole’s demands.”

“Oh, I get it. Just because I went to culinary school doesn’t mean I can take over her kitchen. My mother’s the same way. Old-school, which I respect.”

“I think you’ll get along just fine.” I lift my brows and inch my index finger closer to the bell. “You ready?”

She takes a deep breath and nods. “Ready.”

The door flies open as soon as I press the bell.

“Dad!” Kassim says, practically bouncing. “There’s so much food.”

“Not for long if you have anything to do with it. Help Vashti with these dishes, Seem,” I say, as Otis bounds past us into the foyer like a liberated prisoner. “Otis!”

He stops, obedience in his swift response, but impatience in the twitching ears and swishing tail. I know he’s going straight to the kitchen to look for Yasmen, and Carole does not tolerate dogs in her domain.

“Stay in here.” I nod toward his bed in the corner of the living room. He huffs disdainfully, but assumes the position, curling up near the fireplace.

Kassim relieves Vashti of a few dishes, and we head toward the kitchen. I expect mass chaos, but I should have known better. Between Carole’s prowess as a cook and Yasmen’s hostessing supremacy, the kitchen is sparkling clean and filled with mouthwatering aromas. All the dishes neatly line the countertop and the kitchen island. When I peer through to the dining room, the table is set with familiar fine china and silverware. There’s an obscene amount of food. My stomach growls, and Carole looks up from adding pecans to the sweet potato casserole.

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