Sometimes I tried to see Sonny as Minnie did. Just as her dad. A human man who struggled with whatever burdens he carried. Burdens he shouldered alone. I wasn’t even sure if Molly knew why Janis had left, or what had truly happened. She never said anything to me if she did. I never asked. Molly could be tightlipped on certain topics. I knew that was one of them.
Out of respect for Sonny? Because I’d seen it there before. Respect for him.
Why? Why would a woman like Molly respect a man like him? She was a tough old broad who took no shit from anyone, especially men she found lacking when it came to family obligations.
I tried to think back, to remember who Sonny was before Janis left. But all I could remember was the same quiet man, but one who worked a lot and took care of his responsibilities.
Maybe that was why I didn’t hate him, or resent him, as much as Ava did. I’d made sense out of the situation, and to do that, I had to put myself in Janis’s position.
He’s abusive. He has problems with drinking and gambling. He’s an awful husband.
If that was the truth, why would she leave her children behind? Knowing all of that about him?
My perception was different from Ava’s, though. I had come close to being that—a mother—and maybe it changed things.
A mother.My heart twisted painfully in my chest while I squeezed the chocolate wrapper in my hand, knowing there wasn’t enough sweetness in the world to heal the bitter pain that still gripped me.
“Hey,” a soft voice led me out of the memories. “I didn’t mean to—” Shawna motioned to my face “—shake up your snow globe.”
I wondered what she saw when she looked at me, but I shook my head again and smiled. “You didn’t. I’m just coming down from the sugar high.”
“I would never eat it again if that’s the look I would have on my face after. It’s like you had high hopes for good sex, and then…one-pump chump.”
I laughed, not knowing how to respond to that. It was kind of eerie how she was able to read me so easily. It only reinforced my belief. We might have all been designed like snowflakes, but human suffering was universal.
“I’m serious,” she said, dropping her cigarette and twisting her shoe over it. “Sometimes I have really shitty timing. You looked really peaceful with your candy bar, but you made me curious, so I decided to check you out.”
“And?” I said, standing, straightening the uniform.
“I’m glad I did, even if I didn’t mean to disrupt…things. And next time, I’ll bring something sweet instead of this.” She moved her shoe, revealing the smooshed remains of what was her cigarette. She nodded toward it.
“I’ll bring two next time,” I said.
Her eyes met mine. “Yeah?”
I nodded and smiled. “Yeah.”
She smiled, too, and then we both jumped when the door to the back of the building flung open. Mo stood in the doorway, the light from inside breaking around him.
“You!” he said, narrowing his eyes, trying to see. “What are you doing?”
“I was on a break,” I said.
“Who told you you can have one of those?”
“I have low blood sugar. It was either that or I pass out.”
Shawna grinned.
He shook his head. “Women,” he said, like the word itself put him out. His eyes narrowed on the figure next to me. “Shawna? Or Lorna?”
Shawna didn’t look at me, but I sensed it when she tensed up.
Why? And who’s Lorna?
“What do you want, Mo?” she called out.
“Ah, hell,” he said, like he was confused, but he got over it quickly. “Take her home.” He nodded toward me, but then he hurriedly looked behind him. “Now. And go out the back.” Then he slammed the door shut and disappeared behind the windows, slipping in with the staff.