Page 25 of Regressive

My hands shake, making the paper tremble. I look up at her and she nods. “Since my Ordering, I’ve been intimate with other men than Rex. A man of his stature has particular needs and wants. I was instructed to receive training from Rex’s friends, preparing me for my future mate’s unconventional needs and desires.”

As I say the words, I’m sure that Margaret already knows this. She’s been mentoring me for a while and is wise and Anex’s closest confidant. But still, admitting it out loud, feels wrong and shameful.

“Did you enjoy this intimacy?” she asks.

“Sometimes,” I confess. “They’re difficult men. Not always nice. Demanding but…”

“But what?”

“But they know women and their bodies. They know what Rex wants in a mate and that is always my priority.”

Margaret squeezes my hand and takes the paper from me. “You’re a strong woman, Imogene.”

“I don’t feel strong.” God, that’s the most honest thing I’ve said in days. “I feel weak and lost and confused. I’m overrun with emotions and desires. It’s like I’m a slave to my body, to these feelings I’ve never experienced before.”

“You are doing the work of Serendee,” Margaret says, “following The Way. If Anex wants you to explore your sexuality with other men, then what you’re doing must be right.”

Because Anex is never wrong.

I take a deep breath. “Was that enough? Collateral?”

“More than enough,” she says, leaning across the candle and tucking my hair behind my ear. “You’ve unloaded your burden, and I’m here to carry the weight. Are you sure there’s nothing else?”

Loads, I almost say, but I just shake my head.

“And you don’t think I’m a bad person for what I just told you?”

“Imogene, you’re a beautiful, sexy woman. I know you were taught modesty and faithfulness to the man you were Ordered with, but not everyone is meant to follow the same path. You’re part of the Chosen, mated with a powerful man, and that means different demands will be placed on you. We’ve talked about this before.”

I know her relationship with Anex is different. He has many spiritual wives, but he’s also special. I’m not special. I was chosen because Rex needed something from me, something I didn’t fully understand until he asked me to contact my mother.

“Thank you for sharing this burden,” I say, feeling the slightest weight off my shoulders. “Rex is torn between two worlds, and I’m determined to be the anchor that ties him to Serendee. I’ll do anything for him.”

I realize as soon as I say it that, the words are not only true, but they’re the kind that get a person in trouble. I search Margaret’s expression, but I don’t see anything that implies she noticed. The unease doesn’t subside as my mentor chants a mantra of healing and then extinguishes the candle. The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end as I pass Rex’s childhood bedroom and descend the stairs.

It’s not until I’m outside that I take a breath.

Iwilldo anything for this man, which is startling and concerning. My duty as a member of Serendee isn’t to devote myself to my mate.

It’s to devote myself to our leader, his father.

14

Elon

She doesn’t noticeme as she walks down the steps of the bungalow and up the road. Imogene is lost in a world of her own, and I can’t help but wonder what transpires between her and the other women in the group. Knowing Anex, it’s transactional and involves secrets, lies and manipulation. Other than money, those are the currencies he trades in.

I follow her, keeping an eye on her as she walks in the dark. Her blonde braid swings across her back. Unlike the women in the secular world, she’s fearless. Those other women have a wariness about them. They’ve been conditioned to keep an eye over their shoulder, to be aware that bad men are out there. Men that hurt.

Imogene? Well, she’s been conditioned to think that bad men are good. That hurt is love and that pain means you’re following The Way.

It’s not just her poor little brain that’s fucked up. It’s her body, too. I’ve never seen a woman crave hurt so much.

As she walks down our street, my phone vibrates in my pocket. I pull it out and look at the message.

Silas: Can you grab my kit.

Elon: Yes. What’s up?

---