Page 29 of A Manny for Christmas

‘Shit, Mol.’ He reaches over and squeezes my hand, and I’m ashamed at how much I like the warmth. The sense that we’re in this together, even if thattogethertakes a very different form from our previous relationship. ‘That’s so rough for all of you.’

He gives my hand one last squeeze before releasing it, and I feel strangely bereft.

‘Do you want to tell me exactly how the morning went, or is it too painful to relive?’

He laughs. ‘Maybe it’s good for me to share. It might give me nightmares, otherwise.’

He launches into a tale of farcical proportions, beginning with his Lego moment in Toby’s room, which makes me physically flinch. His morning really does sound like a slapstick comedy. As he talks, Remi produces both his boozy coffee and an enormous bacon bap with a flourish, sliding a cheeky cappuccino over to me, and I watch something akin to pleasure wash over Max’s gorgeous features as he takes his first sip of his medicine.

By the time he gets to the part where he’s resisted flipping the bird at that Karen on parking duty and bundled Daisy into Miss Rawlin’s arms, I’m feeling guilty as hell for inflicting the school run of doom on him like that.

‘Is this the part where you tell me to go fuck myself and run for the hills?’ I ask, bracing myself for his answer.

He looks up at me through his eyelashes, both hands around the bap. His face is lowered towards the food in anticipation of what I know from experience will hit the spot perfectly.

‘I wouldn’t do that to you, Mol.’

‘Seriously. I know it’s a nightmare. It’s such a big ask, and all you’re doing is getting a stupid bed out of it.’

He’s chewing, so I wait for his answer, but he grins at me through his mouthful. I watch his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows, and there’s something so male about it that my inner thighs clench together.

‘Bloody hell, that’s good. Throw a few more shepherd’s pies my way, and I can keep the kiddie stuff going.’

‘Seriously?’

‘Seriously. Come to think of it, the shepherd’s pie’s quite appropriate, though this morning was more like herding fucking cats than sheep.’

This is the problem. This has always been the problem. He’s a thoroughly decent guy. A great guy, actually, whose desires for his life just didn’t match up with mine, no matter how hard we tried.

In the doomed Venn diagram of our relationship, the only thing our dream futures had in common was each other.

And it wasn’t enough.

Not for one of us to compromise on something as massive as having children.

‘I’ll make it worth your while,’ I tell him now.

He raises an eyebrow sexily. ‘Will you, now?’

‘Stop it.’ The innuendo has me unnecessarily flustered. ‘I’ll cook all your favourite things. Still a fan of bread and butter pudding?’

‘If it’syourbread and butter pudding, I’d do even worse things than look after your children.’

I nod, smiling. ‘Done. And I promise, I’ll speak to the kids tonight. We have to find a way to make this vaguely bearable for you.’

‘That would be very much appreciated. Definitely not keen for a re-run of that shit-show.’ He rakes his hand through his hair. Why such a simple act is so obscenely hot, I cannot tell you. Clearly something’s wrong in my hard-wiring. Or the man is just sex on legs, and no one’s immune. From the way Remi’s been hovering, it may be the latter.

‘For what it’s worth,’ he continues, ‘Toby was a fucking rockstar. He was able to answer every question I had, including how to brush his sister’s hair. I just hated how anxious he was about being late. Poor little guy.’

‘I know.’ I twist the hem of my top around my hands. ‘I hate it too. It’s such an unhealthy atmosphere for him in the mornings, and I’m usually too wound up to be there the way he needs it.’

He drums his fingertips on the table, thinking. ‘There must be something. If I can play the clown a bit, maybe lighten up the mood, do you think that world work? It might distract Daisy enough for her to play ball and relax Toby.’

‘Distraction is the number one parenting weapon,’ I tell him. ‘That and hard bribery. Forget trying to find an intrinsic motivation. Just work out what they want and use it as leverage. Shamelessly.’

‘Hard bribery and distraction.’ He nods, presses his lips together. ‘I can definitely work with that. They’ll be putty in my hands.’

‘If you can get them to school in one piece and vaguely on time, I’ll be putty in your hands, too.’ It’s meant as a quip, but until I hear the words out loud, I don’t realise howphysicalthey sound.

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