Page 33 of My Secret Bandit

“Before I left this morning, I kind of… roamed around. I knew I wanted you here. I got you everything you had at home. That way you wouldn’t have to worry about packing a bag or whatever.”

He groaned, slid the drawer shut and leaned against it, using his hands to rub his face. “God, Xander was right. This is weird. Crazy, actually. Maybe I’m the psycho?”

“Oh,“ I soothed, failing to hide my chuckle. “Mateo.” I pulled his hands from his face. Using my hips, I spread his legs apart so they cradled me. “Here, feel this.” I took his hand and laid it on my chest, letting him feel my quickened heartbeat. “This is what you do to me. I don’t know if my heart could be happier than it is right now.”

His expression shifted from worrisome to over the moon as he listened to my words. He let out a long, drawn out breath before pulling me in and kissing my head.

“I was worried you’d freak out. That I did too much too soon.”

“I told you. I’m not worried about timelines. Someone told me today that sometimes our hearts move faster than our heads can handle. We feel how we feel and that’s okay.”

Still leaning against the smooth marble of the bathroom counter, Mateo held me close and stroked my back until we were both content.

“Now let me get changed so we can snuggle into that huge ass bed of yours.” I winked. I pushed him out of the bathroom, leaning around the corner to grab my bag.

I changed out of my jeans and blouse and into pajamas. A soft, slinky purple shirt and pants set I bought months ago and haven’t worn because… well, they haven’t fit right until now. I stuffed the clothes I’d just taken off into my bag while returning to the bedroom. Mateo already sat in bed, his arms behind his head, propped against the headboard. His abs as tight as ever, even more exaggerated in this half crunch, his biceps bunched from the tension.

I don’t know what I did to deserve such a great view, but I’m so damn glad I did it.

He cleared his throat, throwing me out of the hypnosis his body put me under.

“Stop eyeballing me and come here.” He chuckled, beckoning me to his side. I slid into the bed and moved so my back rested against his long torso. Heat radiated off his bare skin. It provided all the warmth I needed without the use of a blanket. He let his hand roam around my side. From the shoulder he left a lazy kiss on down to my waist, then my hip and thigh back to my waist again.

I tensed as his hand strayed from its path, going under my shirt to land on my stomach. Not to draw attention to my discomfort, I moved his hand, pulling it up and laid it under my cheek.

He let out a low, disapproving grumble but didn’t move. “I liked it better there.”

“I don’t.”

“Why?”

When I didn’t answer him, he gently pulled my shoulder, urging me to face him. “Talk to me.”

I shook my head. I didn’t want to see the sadness I heard in his voice. I didn’t want to keep talking about my stupid body issues. I wanted to keep enjoying the way he made me forget them.

“Jameson,please.”

Blowing out a stream of air, I turned.

How do you tell someone that you crave their touch while also telling them certain areas might be off limits? I wanted Mateo’s touch like I wanted air, but having his hand on my stomach. Under my shirt affected me more than I thought it would. I didn’t expect to have the reaction I did. He held me before, and I was fine. Hell, just minutes ago, he had his arms wrapped around the very source of my complexities. I don’t think I could be more confusing if I tried.

“I just—I’m not comfortable in my body.”

“Why? Because people teased you when you were younger?”

“No. Well yeah, I guess that is part of it. I got used to the bullying and teasing. I figured out how to not let it bother me as much. But the issue has nothing to do with anyone else, really. It’s me. I hate my body, I always have. Not being able to fit into the mold of what people considered beautiful was hard. Itishard. Especially growing up around a family that looked the opposite of me. It ate away at me. It still does. I don’t look the way I think I should, and I don’t know if I’ll be comfortable in my skin until then.”

Mateo’s brows pinched hard. I told him about my past, growing up, being teased about my weight. This shouldn’t be news to him, but his expression read like someone who just got punched in the stomach.

“What?” I asked, growing unusually uncomfortable through the silence and desperately needing him to say something.Anything.

He shook his head against his pillow. “I’m sorry. I feel like I should’ve known better.” His palm came to rest on my cheek. “But see, the thing is, I look at you and I don’t see what you see. I see someone as beautiful outside as they are on the inside. There isn’t a single negative thing that comes to mind when I see you or when I touch you. Jameson, you are so much more than your body alone. Even if you can’t see it, everyone else around you can.”

I moved to snuggle into his arms that he tightened around me. A mixture of happy and sad tears blurred my vision. I craved his touch, and I needed these warm hugs and affirmations he provided. I felt my heart growing heavier by the sheer weight of my feelings for him. I needed him to know that I trusted him, trusted him with my body, the one area I’ve never trusted anyone to handle before.

So, I told him.

“Mateo, I trust you. These issues are my own and I’ll deal with them as I go, but you did nothing wrong. Honestly, you help me forget. You help me feel normal. When I’m with you, I feel beautiful. With time, I’ll be able to get over what’s holding me back. Just be patient with me.”

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