Page 23 of Unexpected Kisses

“Love you, too. I’ll let you get back to that sexy husband of yours. Talk soon. Mwah!”

“Mwah. Talk soon. Take it easy.”

“I will.” I press the red button, drop my phone to the cushion beside me, and stare at the doorway to the second bedroom. Maybe one day, sooner than I thought, I’ll have a little baby asleep in the gorgeous crib Emma passed on to me. I sigh at the thought. My phone buzzes.

Mel:I’m waiting

Mel:How did it go?

Me:It went really well. Everything was smooth and easy

Mel:He didn’t mind that he had to use a condom *devil face*

Me:Not at all. He was great about everything. Even walked me to my car

Mel:Awww, he’s so sweet. I’ve got everything crossed that you’re pregnant

Me:Me too

Mel:Chat later, just got paged x

Me:Okay x

I drop my eyes to my stomach and run my hand over the area. Wishing and hoping.

* * *

I almost bounce out of bed as soon as my alarm sounds. It’s my Saturday to spend time with the babies in the neonatal intensive care unit where Mel works. Every second Saturday I get my fill of cuddling tiny babies, thanks to Mel. She’s always known how much I love babies, so when she got the position there, she encouraged me to do the volunteer training to become a baby cuddler.

I move through my morning routine, ensuring I tie all of my hair out of the way and choose an outfit to help me stay cool while I’m there because the room is kept warm for the babies. Traffic is light this early and I make it to the hospital with time to spare. I grab the caps I crocheted over the last two weeks, toss the straps of my purse over my shoulder, and make my way inside the enormous building.

After I wash my hands thoroughly all the way up to my elbows, I put on the hospital gown provided over my clothes and secure it, then enter the NICU. The warmth of the room and the sound of machines buzzing and beeping greet me like an old friend, and I inhale the weird, but now familiar scent of antiseptic mixed with baby powder. I scan the room gauging how many babies are here this week. I look forward to my time here cuddling the babies when their families can’t. As sad as it is that babies are born needing this additional care, I know they get the best possible attention here. I smile as my eyes land on Mel, and I head in her direction. I’m grateful she encouraged me to join this program, because as good as the cuddling program is for the babies, I get just as much out of it, if not more. In those moments when I’m sitting and cuddling a tiny baby, I’m quiet. My mind is quiet and so is my body. I’m calm and centered as I solely focus on the precious bundle in my arms while I give any comfort I can to the tiny human who needs a little extra love and warmth to flourish.

“Hey, Sare. How are you feeling?”

“Hey. I’m great and ready to get my cuddle on,” I say enthusiastically.

She chuckles and leads me over to an incubator. “I’m glad to hear it. We have baby Robert. He has neonatal opioid withdrawal syndrome. His mom’s struggling at the moment with her own issues, so she can’t spend as much time with him as she’d like.”

My eyes sting as my heart cracks right down the middle. “Oh no. Poor baby.” Mel nods. She reaches in and carefully collects him along with all of his tubes and wires, nodding toward the chair off to the side. I take a seat and get comfortable for my cuddle session. She places Robert in my arms gently and his weight is barely negligible. “Oh my gosh, he’s tiny.”

She nods. “Yeah, it’s common for these babies. You’ll notice he’s a little yellow too. He desperately needs this contact.”

I tuck him in close to my body and get lost in studying his little face. His fair eyebrows, which are almost invisible because they’re so pale, to his long eyelashes, and his little cheeks. When I finally glance up, Mel’s busy dealing with a baby on the other side of the room.

Another nurse comes over, checking his chart and then her watch, ensuring he’s comfortable and everything is still connected properly. The nurses are always incredibly vigilant. They must go home from their shift beyond exhausted, I know Mel does. This job takes such an incredible amount of concentration. I don’t know how they do it and not get attached to each baby who spends time here.

I rock the chair back and forth slightly, rubbing his back gently with steady strokes, keeping him tucked in close to make sure he gets the maximum possible benefit from me. I chuckle as tiny creases form between his brows, his little eyes moving from side to side beneath closed lids. “What are you dreaming about, Robert?” I murmur.

At the end of my time, I reluctantly hand Robert back to Mel and she places him carefully back inside the incubator. “Thanks for coming today, Sare. And thanks for the new caps. They’re so cute.”

“Aww, it’s always my pleasure. I love coming here, you know that.”

“I know.” She smiles at me.

I glance down at Robert—such a sweet baby—and wonder what his future holds.

I gently rub my finger over his soft downy hair, wishing him well with my whispered words. Then Mel closes the small window to help keep his environment stable, while my heart cracks as I say goodbye.

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