Page 60 of Dare To Free Us

I sighed, long and heavy. Here was another person who was only ever kind to me that I would be betraying. “It’s ok Maria I was just… um.” I trailed off not knowing how to answer because I couldn’t even remember that I was eating a sandwich.

“Making sure that baby will love peanut butter and jelly. They say a child is born liking what his mother ate while pregnant.”

“Yes, I’ve heard that.”

Taking the seat next to me Maria looked perfectly put-together as always. She never left her room without makeup or being impeccably dressed. Something from her past that she never outgrew either. “How are you sweetie?”

My mouth opened with a lie balancing on my tongue, but nothing came out. Looking into her eyes that matched Matteo’s so perfectly shot me though the heart. I couldn’t lie to her, not Maria. It seemed insane, or maybe it was because I was facing her directly, but lying to her would hurt more than deceiving my own parents.

“I… I don’t know.” The tears came fast and hard. I crumpled into her as she held out her arms.

“Shhh,” she whispered in my ear as she held me tight. “It’s ok Arianna. I understand. More than you know.” Her voice held so much honesty I didn’t question it.

“I’m falling apart,” I cried against her shoulder. All my inners felt like rickety old parts of a vehicle that were being held together by duct-tape, gorilla glue and a prayer. At any moment the whole thing could just fall to pieces on the road.

Her hands took ahold of my face turning my chin up so I could look at her. “No, you are not Arianna. You are realizing your strength. Choices make us stronger. Trials prove what kind of people we are.” The serious expression on her face made me hang on her every word.

“Never let anything make you feel guilty about the love you have for your child, Arianna.” Maria paused, as if unsure she should be saying these things or not. “Sometimes ignoring our motherly instincts can cost more than the price to follow them.”

Her face fell with what I could only describe as shame. And for the life of me I couldn’t understand why. Maria had done everything she could have for her sons. She was a good mother who did her best to combat her husbands determination to turn his heirs into clones of himself. While Dante took to his father’s ways better, Matteo hadn’t gone unaffected by her efforts.

“I don’t know what to do.” It was a confession that burned my throat and turned my stomach inside out.

Maria smiled at me in a way that made me feel like a child again. “Yes, you do Arianna.” Leaning forward she kissed my forehead. “Remember, in all things, be brave.”

A somber look suffused her face as she stood and left the room. I stared after her wondering what the hell just happened.

After forcing myself to finish my sandwich, eat a banana and drink two cups of water I walked through the house on nervous feet. On my way I spotted Steven by the front door, another guard by the patio door and knew several more would be roaming the grounds.

Making my way to the back hall that led to the garage I stopped at a door I hadn’t opened since putting the boxes inside a couple years ago. It was a simple broom closet but the house had a million of other places to put cleaning supplies, so this one I chose to put my memories in.

Opening the door I took in the stack of cardboard cubes, looking for the one I sought. It was high overhead. High enough that when I went to reach for it my fingers barely brushed the bottom. Pushing up onto my tippy-toes I stretched with all I had but it was no use.

“Can I help?”

I gasped and jumped into the closet like the bogeyman was behind me. Throwing a hand over my heart I took deep breaths. “Steven, you scared the hell out of me.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, looking truly apologetic. “What are you doing?”

“I’m just feeling a bit reminiscent. I was going to go through a box with some pictures of Becka and I from college.” It wasn’t a lie, the pictures were in that box but something else was too. “But the box is too high. I had a step stool when I put them in here.”

“Let me get it for you. This one?”

“Uh-ha,” I mumbled as I scooted out of his way.

With ease Steven reached up and pulled the box down. “It’s a bit heavy. Why don’t you let me carry it?”

“Thank you.” I turned to walk back through the house, making my way up to the master bedroom. “Just set it on the bed.”

Steven set the box down and stared at it a moment. “She’s hard not to miss.”

“What?” I asked in astonishment.

“Becka. She was something special.”

Ok, that was weird. I knew Steven and her got along but he sounded in awe of her. “Steven, did you have feelings for Becka?”

“I was her bodyguard everyday. Hard not to care for someone you spend that much time with.”

---