Page 90 of The Map of Nova and Dev

“Because we weren’t in the same place. It didn’t make sense to hold onto something that wasn’t going anywhere.”

“What do you mean you weren’t in the same place? Physically? Emotionally? What?”

I rip off my dress shirt and get to my feet, maneuvering around her. “Palmer, can you drop it?Please.”

“I can’t. There’s more than just a road trip, Devin. I’m not stupid. And I don’t understand why you let me back in, if you’re not over her. I’m tired of not understanding what the hell has gone on between you two. I haven’t pried because you give me the same courtesy when I don’t want to talk about my past, but this is affecting us, everything we’ve talked about building. I deserve the truth. What happened in the time between us breaking up and getting back together?”

Facing the small closet, I rub the back of my neck. There hasn’t been a point in bringing up my recent history with Nova. Her relationships are her business, not a part of us. But Palmer’s right. Louisiana added a whole new level of complicated to the Devin and Nova saga. No matter how I try to spin it. And with her showing up here at the same time as me, it does affect what Palmer and I are trying to preserve.

“Last year, Nova was about to marry a real toxic prick.” I unhook a hanger and drape my shirt over. “And I couldn’t stand by and watch. No one else in her life was doing anything about it, so I stepped in.”

Palmer says nothing, waiting, her stare drilling into my back. While this happened when we weren’t together, shame nags at me, leaving me unable to look her in the eye.

“I convinced her to call off the wedding, and we spent a few days in New Orleans. That’s it. The end. We texted for a few months, and then it was over.”

“That’s it?”

I shrug. I don’t know what else to say. “That’s the truth.”

Okay, and I asked her to move to Florida with me, and she told me no, but I’ll break my dominant arm before I tell Palmer that.

“She left her fiancé for you, and you’re going to tell me, that’s it? How the hell have you kept this from me? What else happened in New Orleans? Did you sleep with her?”

“In New Orleans?” My head turns, forehead pinched. “No. It wasn’t about that. She needed an out, and I gave her one.”

Inch by gradual inch, her shoulders slump. “Why did you have to clarify in New Orleans? Have you slept with Nova before?”

I didn’t…Dammit. I didn’t mean for that to slip. This confession will hurt more than the rest. Will this be her tipping point?

I face Palmer fully. “Once. In Oregon. When everything came to a head with,” I clear my throat, “Tara.”

First hurt and a touch of betrayal, then understanding mingles, her eyes glossing with tears.

“I’m sorry I never told you.”

“The thing is…” She breaks eye contact, her head swiveling to the side. “I like Nova, and I don’t know why. And I kind of hate that. There’s just this real deal aura about her. So, I get why you’d be charmed by her. She’s beautiful, smart, and ambitious. What’s not to like?”

“Palmer, stop.” I step closer, reaching out. “You’re all of those things and more. This isn’t a comparison game. I’m here with you.”

“But she’s obviously still so in love with you. I can’t figure out why she let you go.”

I rear back. “Hold on. She’s not in love with me. Nova and I have never even been in a relationship. We’ve never even spent more than two weeks together at a time.”

“You didn’t have to.” She releases a mirthless laugh. “You have been there for each other during the most significant parts of your lives. Trauma has a way of bonding people. I mean, look at us.”

“Where are you going with this, Palmer?”

“Why are we even together, Devin? Have I become a charity case? Nothing more than a comfort, a crutch? Someone who understands what it feels like to have someone violate you, so you keep me around?”

“Of course not. That’s not fair.”

“Isn’t it though?” She blinks away the moisture collecting, running her hand beneath her nose. “We’re drawn to each other because there’s a certain level of trust we hold with one another, but I don’t think we love each other, Devin.”

“Stop right there. You know I love you.”

“But we’re notinlove. You want her in a way you’ve never wanted me. I’ll accept responsibility for my part in this, Dev. I think I can finally admit the truth, can you?”

thirty-five | devin

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