Page 15 of The Fragile One

Aiden

Shit,shit,shit. I can’t believe I kissed her. Why on earth did I go and make such a stupid mistake? I’m left standing in the kitchen to take care of the mess we made, and later I’m going to have to take care of the mess I made after allowing my attraction run away with itself. I’m much more adept at cleaning a kitchen.

Fuck.

Damn, that was one hell of a kiss, though.No, do not go there right now.That’s not why I’m here. The last thing Lindsey needs in her life is the complication of being with an emotionally walled-off man. I have no business attempting to have any relationship outside of friendship with her. I choose to live my life alone, and it serves me well. There’s no chance of hurting another person because I refuse to open myself up to them. I certainly have no intention of being in a position where someone has the power to devastate me when they leave. Not again.

My reaction to the kiss hurt Lindsey. I didn’t miss the embarrassed blush on her face. But we can’t go there. For a myriad of reasons. Maybe we can chalk it up to her being a little drunk, but when she said it turned her on? Yeah, that almost had me throwing my worries out the window and taking care of the situation. Almost. Physical intimacy I can handle, but I have a feeling she would expect more. It’s the “more” that stopped me.

I begin to clean up the water and finish washing the dishes before I head to bed to try to get some sleep. My mind keeps replaying the way she felt between my arms, her ass rubbing against me when she was squirming to get away from the water. When she turned in my arms and looked up at me, laughter sparkling in her eyes, I couldn’t help myself. I had to taste her lips. They were sweet from the wine. Delicious. I devoured her mouth and moans like the selfish arsehole I’m trying not to be. I had to pull away. The situation below my belt was making itself apparent, and she isn’t ready for that. No matter how much I wish the opposite were true.

I toss and turn in bed, praying to the sleep gods that I can at least get a couple of hours. I have a meeting with Donovan in the morning to go over a few details about an upcoming campaign event with the rest of his contracted security team, since I won’t be there to oversee.

I keep mulling over the fact Jackson and Lindsey have a close relationship. I’ve never known Jackson to have a friendship with anyone of the opposite sex in all the years I’ve been working with Donovan. The man doesn’t know how. Lindsey cares for him, that much is obvious. But is he biding his time to get in her knickers? I wouldn’t put it past him. She’s in a vulnerable position and will most likely latch on to just about anyone who can give her comfort. I’m not necessarily condemning her for it, she needs to feel safe, and I understand that, but I don’t want it to be Jackson. Maybe I want it to be me, but that’s a terrible idea.Right?She’s trying to move forward, and I don’t want to feel like I’m taking advantage of her. What do I possibly have to offer her, other than what would certainly be amazing sex? Could I give her the “more” she deserves?

I wake only a few hours after shutting my eyes for the last time at four in the morning, maybe? I should be used to little to no sleep from my time in the military, but I’ve obviously gone soft because my head is foggy and I’m not sure any amount of caffeine will clear the cobwebs this morning. Of course, I’m the first one up, so I go about making the coffee.

Standing motionless in front of the coffee maker, I hear movement behind me. My body tingles with anticipation at seeing her, but I’m not ready to face her. I still haven’t figured out in my head where we stand, or where she and Jackson stand. I’m irritated and on little sleep due to the thoughts rolling around in my head all goddamn night. Talking to her about this in a calm manner would be the most rational course of action, but I’m not feeling particularly rational now.

“Morning,” she mumbles as she shuffles into the kitchen. Hearing her raspy morning voice sends a shot of lust and annoyance through my system. Why does she have to be so damn adorable in the morning? Why can’t I get these ideas out of my head about setting her on the counter and ravaging her mouth again? Why does her relationship with Jackson have to be what it is instead of her seeing him for the playboy twat he is?

“Coffee’s about ready.” My tone is gruff and not at all what she’s used to hearing from me. I can’t seem to help it, though. No caffeine and exhaustion is making the aggravation in my tone that much harder to control. Her head reels back in surprise, but she quickly composes herself.

“Listen, Aiden, about last night…” She starts to speak, but I cut her off.

“No worries, love. You were horny and drunk. I was just the guy standing in front of you.” Shit, I sound like a right arsehole this morning.

She scoffs. “Yup, exactly. Just what I was thinking.” Oh, her sarcasm is strong this morning. “Let’s just forget about it. It was a mistake.” She thinks it was a mistake? Well, obviously, but it stings to hear her confirm it.

“Yeah, I’m sure if it were, say, Jackson in front of you, the same thing would have happened. Although, I doubt he would have been enough of a gentleman to walk away from someone in a vulnerable position. That guy would have had you twisted in a pretzel at the word go,” I reply disgustedly. Fuck, I’m being a dick. I can’t seem to make my mouth stop from running off half-cocked.

Lindsey takes out a mug, slamming the cabinet door shut, then slams the cup on the counter. She whirls around, straightening her spine with anger and indignation twisting her features.

“What the hell is your problem this morning? And what do you have against Jackson and me being friends?” Her tone suggests I have no business passing judgment on their relationship. She’s right, of course, but I’m not about to tell her that right now. Not when I’m in fight mode.

I give her a disbelieving look at the idea of them being just friends. That may be how she sees their relationship, but I can almost guarantee he wants to get in her pants.

“Yes, Aiden, friends. Don’t look so shocked that a man and woman can be friends. I consider him a brother. Nothing more. If you think for a second that I would kiss you while I had feelings for someone else, then you obviously have a pretty damn low opinion of me.” She turns back around and continues to make her cup of coffee.

I’m not done though. “Jackson doesn’t have any female friends that he isn’t trying to bed. He’s incapable. If you want to be another notch on his bedpost, don’t come crying to me when he leaves you high and dry.”Jesus man, shut up.

She whirls around, staring me dead in the eye.

“Well, if the rumors are true, he doesn’t leave any woman dry.”

Oh, she’s got jokes?

“Why are you so jealous of him to begin with?” she asks, anger and confusion mixing in her tone.

Jealous? She has got to be kidding me.

“I’m not jealous of that self-important half-baked party boy. And hear me when I say this—he is a boy, not a man. Real men don’t have to carry on the way he does in order to be noticed.” Why can’t I just stop? This isn’t making anything any better, only encouraging her to defend him further, which has my hackles rising even more.

“Real men don’t have to throw jealous temper tantrums like children either, yet here we are,” she says, absolutely seething with anger.

We’re facing each other in a stand-off. This is not how I wanted our morning to go. Why couldn’t I have just kept my goddamn mouth shut?

“You know what? I don’t give a shit what you have to say, Aiden. I know I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m not some little twit who flitters around Jackson just waiting for my turn. We went through something scary and traumatic together, both of us affected a lot deeper than anyone realizes. So, if you think it’s anything more than friendship, then you can go fuck yourself.” She throws up her middle finger for good measure, grabs her coffee, and returns to her room, slamming the door behind her.

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