Page 84 of Vengeance & Sin

Movement from the corner of my eye catches my attention, and I look to see what it is.

Zander stands off to the side, a respectful distance away while we talk but still close enough for me to know he’s there if I should need him. My eyes catch with his, and I can see the sadness in his eyes as he looks at me.

I’m not sure when I became an open book with him, but somewhere along the way, he started to understand me, and I have no doubt that he can see just how hard this is on me. He gives me a small smile, and I can’t help but return it because seeing him is exactly what I need right now, exactly what will help me stand by my choice.

Mrs. Thompson follows my line of sight until she spots Zander just a little bit behind her, and when she turns to face me, I can see that she’s accepted my words this time, no matter how much she might not want to.

Mr. Thompson walks up to me and gently asks if he can take Charlotte, I quickly kiss her head before he scoops her up and takes a step back. I stand to stretch out my limbs. No matter how light and small she might be, sitting in one place for too long is still hard.

Without warning, Mrs. Thompson walks forward and wraps me in a tight hug. I panic and go stiff for a moment, but I recover quickly enough and give her a gentle hug back.

“If you ever need us, we will be here. We don’t have to adopt you to care for you, Jade but know that we do.” She says low enough that only I can hear her.

She releases me and takes a step back to stand with her husband, where he stands holding Charlotte. She nods, and then he does as well before they head out together.

I watch them go, and though I’m sad to have Charlotte gone, I also feel like a broken part of me is knitted back together now that I know she will be taken care of. It’s bittersweet to lose someone close to you, even if it’s for their own good.

“Let's go home.” Zander tells me, and I’m not sure when he walked up to me, but I don’t care. I’m just happy he’s here with me.

I give him a nod, and we walk together toward the hall we came in. Roderick and Spencer stand just outside of it, waiting for us, and when we get close, they head to the door without a word.

We make it to the car before I feel like I’m going to lose it. I haven’t really let myself cry in a long time, but I can feel it coming. I just need to hold it in long enough to get in my room, and I’ll be okay. I focus on my breathing, hoping that pulling my focus away from this will help, and while it keeps me from crumbling, it doesn’t calm me completely.

“Jade.” Someone says, and I look up at Zander, but he’s not looking at me. Instead, his focus is on Spencer, who sits in the passenger seat, and I realize that he must have been the one to call me.

I don’t say anything, but I’m sure he can feel my eyes on him as I wait to see what he wants.

“Why didn’t you let them adopt you?” He asks, and for once, there's none of his usual cruelness as he addresses me.

I look down at my hands clasped in my lap before looking out the window. We aren’t far from the house now. In just a few minutes, we should be at the gate.

“I don’t know...” I say with no explanation, knowing that’s not what he wanted. It’s also a lie. Zander looks at me out of the corner of his eye, letting me know he knows that too, but he isn’t going to push it right now.

Spencer has no problem pushing, though. He turns around in his seat to face me, and Roderick eyes him for a second. “Spence.” he says, with a warning in his tone. But Spencer ignores him, instead turning his focus on me completely.

“Bullshit.” He says, and while his words are firm, he once again isn’t being cruel. I look up at him, and the moment our gazes connect, I find myself missing the way he usually looks at me because anything is better than how he looks at me now, better than the pity I can see in his eyes.

It pisses me off, and my emotions flow over before I can get a handle on it.

“You're right. It is bullshit!” I scream, and he looks shocked at my reaction but doesn’t say anything, so I keep going. “You want to know what else is bullshit? My life! I’m dangerous, Spencer! And not just because I can kill you in more ways than you can count. No, I'm dangerous because people still want me. I made myself the most sought-after to keep them safe, and now that we're all out, that same thing will keep a target on my back for years, if not the rest of my life.” Now that I’ve started, I can’t stop. My vision blurs as I look at him, and as I blink, I can feel the tears as they track down my face, but I keep going.

“I would have loved to be there for Charlotte, to be her sister, to have a family.” My voice cracks as a sob works its way out of me. I don’t even try and push it down, instead letting them all get a look at the broken girl whose only goal is to fix everyone else.

“But that’s not a life I’ll ever have. I gave that up when I chose them instead of myself. I can’t have those things because to go to their home puts a target on their back, and I would rather die than have them be in danger.” I frantically wipe at my eyes, but the tears don't stop. I know they won't now that I’ve started. I feel the car stop, and something in my brain realizes we are at the gate but still, I can’t focus on anything other than Spencer in front of me.

“I didn’t let them adopt me because they are better off without me, just like every other person, because I came from hell and the ride there turned me into a monster.” My voice is cold and unfeeling, but I can’t help but laugh as I realize just how fitting Spencer's nickname is for me.

“I’m a demon, Spencer. You said so yourself. And darkness like mine reaches far and wide until it consumes all the light around it. So I made the right call instead of the easy one because it’s not about me.” I finally take a deep breath and feel some of my anger slip away, quickly replaced by the sadness that’s still running rampant inside me.

“It never has been.” I say quietly as I look away from him and down at my hands again. I know they hear me, but I’m done talking. Zander reaches out to me, but I don’t move to him for comfort. My broken pieces are too close to the surface right now, and if he holds me, I fear it will only open up my scars more, and I might never find a way to put myself back together again.

I hear the garage door close behind us, and I see that we are back at the house, the cars in park, as we all continue to sit in the uncomfortable silence I created.

Before I can think any more about it, I fling the door open and get out, not bothering to close it behind me as I run inside and head towards my room. Someone calls my name, but I don’t slow down, and my brain isn’t working well enough to pick out the voice. Footsteps sound behind me, but that just pushes me faster. I fly through my door before I slam it shut and flip the lock, undressing as I head to my bathroom. I close and lock that door, too, before I turn on the shower and get in, not even bothering with adjusting the temperature or the rest of my clothes.

I sit in there for so long that the water runs cold. It was hot when I got in, so hot that it made me hiss when it made contact, but still, I sat there as I let my tears fall until I couldn’t tell if the wetness was from my eyes or the shower. My teeth chatter, but I still make no move to get out, and before I know it, my eyes are closing as exhaustion sets in after letting myself feel so many emotions. Finally, I sink down to lay on the floor, cold, shivering, and alone, and just let myself feel them all as the darkness finally settles over me.

It’s not hard to pick a lock. I’ve been doing it since I was a kid, and at this point, it’s just second nature.

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