Page 47 of Vengeance & Sin

Wella went through the piles and made each thing into an outfit that he said would match my “spunky attitude” his words, not mine, but man, was he good. I may not have known my style yet, but he nailed it, and I ended up liking more than I thought I would.

When I finally put my dress back on and walked back out of the fitting area, I was caught off guard by just how much I had liked. The like pile was far bigger than the dislike one. Again, I felt the panic set in as I tried to think about how much money this would cost, I wasn’t great with money, but this had to be a lot. This was easily triple what I had bought at the mall with the guys, maybe even more than triple, and I knew it had cost a couple of hundred dollars then.

“Are you ready, Jade?” Clair calls over to me from where she and Wella stand at the front of the shop. I hadn’t even noticed them as I took in the clothes. I look up from the clothes and find Clair looking back at me as if waiting, so I give her a nod before I head to them, pushing my worry aside.

“Thank you so much for all your help Wella. I really appreciate it.” I tell him as I reach them.

“Oh dear, no need to thank me, fashion is what I live for.” He says as he opens his arms wide as a gesture to the store, and I mean, I guess that’s true. “Besides, you are like a breath of fresh air.” He says as he leans over and boops me on the nose. The gesture is so strange that I don’t know what to say back, and instead stand there with my mouth slightly open as I stare back at him.

He just chuckles before he hugs Clair as they say their goodbyes and I follow Clair in a daze as she heads out of the store.

Who the fuck boops people's noses?

“I’ll get this stuff dropped off first thing tomorrow Clair Bear,” He shouts back to us just before we hit the door. “And don’t forget to bring her back often so we can keep her up to date. I can’t wait to see her in the outfits I have swimming in my brain.” He shoots us a wink before he disappears, and Clair walks out the door with a smile on her face.

What the fuck just happened?

The drive back to Clair’s house is pretty quiet, she has the radio on low, but I can just catch the beat of something I think Zander said was modern pop music. The beat is catchy, even though I can’t hear any of the words clearly enough to understand. I contemplate turning it up but decide against it because it’s comfortable as is.

The scenery becomes familiar, and I know we can’t be far from the house now. But, as we get closer, the day plays back in my head, and my chest gets tight.

I look over at Clair as she slightly bobs her head to the beat of the music while watching out the windshield as she drives, and the feeling becomes more intense.

My vision blurs, and I blink rapidly to clear my eyes of the tears gathering as I try to understand what is happening.

As if she can feel me looking at her, she glances over at me with a small smile that quickly drops from her lips as she sees the emotion clear on my face.

I feel a tear leak down my face and quickly swipe it away, hoping she didn’t see it.

“Oh dear, what’s wrong?” She asks in a calm voice that I’m sure is supposed to soothe me but, for some reason, only makes me want to cry more. Another tear rolls down my face, and I turn away from her to look down at my lap as I also wipe that one away, stupid emotions.

“I don’t know.” I tell her as I take a deep breath and try to understand where this is coming from. I fist my hands in my lap and close my eyes, trying to push the emotions aside as I focus on taking calming breaths. Her hand wraps around mine and gives a slight squeeze as if to say she's here, but when she starts to pull away, I grip her hand with mine to keep it there.

Gratitude.

That’s what I felt when she reached out to me just now, and with that, I realize that’s what has my emotions going haywire.

I look up at her as I still hold her hand and push past the growing lump in my throat that tries to keep me from voicing my emotions. After years of pushing them down and pretending, I don’t feel things, this goes against everything I know, but something inside of me says this is necessary.

“Thank you!” I say just a little too loudly before I take another deep breath and try again. “Thank you for today. For taking me out and spending not only time but money on me. But more than that, thank you for taking me in.” I lose my train of thought but she doesn’t interrupt like she can tell there's more I want to say. Instead, she just continues to hold my hand as she focuses on the road in front of us.

It takes a few minutes, but when I see the gates to her property come into view, I open my mouth to try again. “Thank you for taking me in when nobody else would have, for giving me a chance to be more than my past. Thank you for caring for the girls and helping them where I can’t, for welcoming me into your house and looking at me like I’m a person.” With every word I say, the tears fall faster and faster until I’m a blubbering mess.

When was the last time I cried?

I can’t remember.

But I’m crying now as we sit parked in front of the gates, as I thank the only person to ever give me so much and asked nothing in return, this stranger who decided I was worth something.

My tears roll down my face and fall into my lap, some land on our clasped hands where they lay on my thigh, but neither of us makes a move to wipe them away.

I don’t know how long we sit like that but eventually, my tears stop, and she squeezes my hand to get my attention.

I look back up at her, and I’m shocked to see tears in her eyes as well.

“I know life hasn’t been fair to you, Jade, and I can’t do anything about that. But I promise if you need me, I’ll be here, dear.” She tells me as she reaches up and wipes my tear-streaked face, the gesture so motherly that I almost break into tears again. “I always wanted a daughter, and maybe this is what was meant to happen. Maybe I never had more kids because I was meant to care for you, Zander, Spencer, and Roderick.” She shrugs, and I nod because that sounds great to me. Who wouldn’t want to have Clair looking out for them? But that also makes me wonder why Zander and Spencer need her.

“Thank you.” I tell her again because I don’t have any other words to express my feelings, but she squeezes my hand again before she releases it. She leans out the window to punch in the code, and I feel she understood just fine, even if I failed to voice it all properly.

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