Page 43 of Vengeance & Sin

I turn from side to side to see more angles. As I do, a bright, almost white-blonde spot catches my eyes over my left shoulder. I run my hands down my part and pull my hair forward over both shoulders. Sure enough, one thin strip of hair is still blonde at the base of my head, just behind my left ear. It’s wound and knotted up like some of Mel’s hair.

My eyes meet with hers over my shoulder in the mirror, and she must see the question in my eyes. She comes over to stand next to me, still looking at me in the mirror.

“Clair didn’t tell me everything, but everyone in this city who means anything knows the guys and knows their parents and what they do. So everyone will know where you came from even if nobody ever speaks a word of it.” Sadness swirls in her eyes before she looks down, grabbing some of her hair and twisting it around her finger.

“When I first came here with my cousin years back, I was running from some shit. It wasn’t anything like what you're dealing with, but it was my own trauma.” Even with her looking down, I can see the tears gathering in her eyes. I have the strange urge to comfort her like I do the girls, but I keep myself still. I don’t know, Mel, not really, and I don’t want to overstep.

She takes a deep breath and pushes the tears back before they can fall, and looks back up at me.

“The first thing I changed about myself was my hair. It was so liberating, but my cousin had given me peekaboo dreadlocks before we ran, and I kept those. They made me feel close to her, but they also reminded me of where we came from and what we had been through. I’ve added more over the years, but those ones are special. They remind me that it could always be worse and keep me here.” She turns to face me instead of the mirror for the first time since coming over here. Her eyes still look sad, but she has a smile on her face that lets me know that sadness isn’t all she feels anymore.

My life is a fucking mess on the best of days. Mel and Clair honestly don’t even know half of it. If they did, they would probably never look at me the same.

I look down at the tiny dreadlock I still hold between my fingers, and I get it.

We are the sum of our parts, and while I may hate most of my past, it made me who I am. It kept the girls safe and helped me be a better version of myself.

I grip the dreadlock in my hand before looking back up at Mel. I give her a nod before my own smile pulls at my lips to match hers.

She’s right. We survive.

Mel showed me how to use the curling iron and helped me figure out how to braid my hair before we left. I have been doing the girls' hair for years, but all the practice in the world couldn’t help me put those same braids on my head until she walked me through it.

Clair bought a bunch of things she deems “necessary” to have access to, and she wouldn’t hear a word of my protests. Eventually, I give up even trying to stop her after Mel ends up all but crying, laughing at our bickering, and telling us we have the mother-daughter roll-down pat.

Clair had us hop back in the car and drove us over to a little restaurant calledThai not to love it. I can’t help but chuckle at the name as we approach the building.

Clair looks over her shoulder at me with a smile as we head to a table without waiting for staff to seat us.

“The name is cute, isn’t it?” She asks, and I nod as I slide into the booth opposite her while looking around. The room has an old but beautiful aesthetic. There are hanging paper lanterns that line the ceiling in different colors and shapes. Beautiful sculptures in gold are all around in various shapes and sizes, while everything on the table and booths is dark shades of green with gold. I’ve never seen anything like it before, and I can’t help but look around repeatedly, trying to absorb it all.

“When the boys were younger, Zander and Spencer spent a lot of time with us. Zander loved all things noodles, and Spencer loved spicy food.” She tells me, and I stop my need to see all the shiny new things to pay attention to what she has to say.

Zander has been pretty open with me, but for the most part, Roderick and Spencer are still a mystery, and anything that I can learn about them might just help me learn to deal with them.

“We were going shopping once, and Zander lost his mind at the name as we passed by. Spencer and Roderick even had a hard time keeping a straight face about it, so we agreed we would go in and see how it was.” The look in her eyes is pure love and joy as she recalls this memory with them. I feel my lips pull up in a small smile at the thought of them all as kids, even as I feel the sadness that always comes when I look back on my past. How different would my life be if I had someone who cared for me as Clair cares for them? Someone who loved me even half as much as she does them?

I shake off my sadness and keep my smile in place so as not to deter her from continuing her story. My sadness doesn’t need to be shared with others.

“I think it was the first time they all were able to get something and love it, we had many places we ate out at, but nothing ever went as smooth as this place did.”

Movement from the corner of my eye catches my attention, and I look up to see a younger man approaching the table with a few different plates and bowls in his hands. He can’t be more than fifteen tops, but he carries all the dishes in a way that lets me know he’s used to this.

He gets to our table and smiles at Clair as he sets everything down, and she smiles back.

“Arie, so nice to see you! Please tell your mother I said hello.”

“Of course, Mrs. Spade. It’s great to see you.” He looks at me with a small smile before looking back to Clair. “No boys today?” He asks, reaching up to rub the back of his neck now that his hands are empty.

He doesn’t look back at me, but his posture is stiff, and he doesn’t remove his hand from his neck.

“No. You know the boys are far too busy for me most days.” Clair says with a small laugh that lets me know she’s just joking. But, after how admittedly they listened to her plans for shopping this morning, I’m sure they would make time for Clair if she asked them to, and I’m pretty sure she knows it too.

“Besides, I had to show Jade around and make sure she’s comfortable in the city.” She gestures to me, but still, Arie refuses to turn and face me. “And I can’t do that without showing her where to get the best food around now, can I?” She shoots him a wink, and he lets out a soft chuckle that sounds forced, though I don’t say anything.

“Jade, this is Arie; he works here with his family. His mother and father have been running this place for years, and since we have spent so much time here over the years, we have grown a great friendship.” She sweeps her hands over the table and all the food as if to show me, and it only now dawns on me that we never ordered. I guess she’s not joking if they know their order like this, they must love the food.

It’s the first time I’ve looked at the food since it was set on the table, and while nothing looks anything like the food I have ever had, it all smells delicious, and I can’t help but take a deep breath of the intoxicating aromas.

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