Page 115 of Vengeance & Sin

This time she catches me looking at her, and her smile widens just a bit as she nods her head to the beat.

It’s harder this time to pull my attention back to the road, so we don’t crash.

After the short drive and a few more songs, we pull up on campus, and I turn the radio down. She reaches into the back to grab her backpack from where she stored it before we left for the market.

As she reaches around to grab it, her stomach brushes against my arm, which rests on the center console. She’s wearing a tank top and jeans with the boots Zander gave her that she appears to love. Her shirt’s ridden up to expose some of her lower stomach from how she's twisted. That part of her stomach just so happens to rest on my arm at the moment.

Everywhere she touches me is warm, but the places where our skin touches feel like it's on fire. I’m not one for physical contact, just for the sake of it. I don’t like to be vulnerable or close to people, and touching is a sign of both, which can be used as a weakness. I’ve had many girls throw themselves at me, and while I’m no virgin, I’m known to turn women away. I’m the one who approaches women in who I’m interested. I don’t like girls who throw themselves at me. More often than not, they have a hidden motive.

In the beginning, I thought the same of Jade, but after knowing her even for this short time, I know that couldn’t be further from the truth. Spencer might not trust her, and while I agreed before, I realize that somewhere along the line, that’s changed.

I do trust Jade.

The realization catches me off guard, but what startles me even more, is that now, as Jade moves away with her bag, I realize not only did I not mind the contact or want to push her away, I think I might miss it.

Fuck. This is crazy. I’m going crazy.

She didn’t do it on purpose and probably didn’t even realize it happened, but I did, and now my brain is stuck on it.

“Thank you.” I hear Jade say. I look up from my arm that I just realized I was staring at like an idiot for who knows how long and find Jade looking up at me with a soft smile.

I give her a nod because I’m unsure what to say or if I can even form words at the moment. I feel like my brain is fucking melting with the realization that not only do I trust Jade.

I crave her.

Not even in a way that would be acceptable.

No, I don’t just want her in a way I can blame on biology and basic human attraction.

I crave her presence, our time in the kitchen cooking, the trips to the market, and her working out in the gym with me while we are entirely in our own worlds but sharing a space. I want her to smile, even when it’s not at me, to watch as she learns and discovers everything life could have been and can be now.

I want her safe.

As I look at her staring back at me, with that smile that reaches her eyes, that used to be hidden behind so much pain and sadness, I realize one thing is one hundred percent clear.

I’m so fucked.

I also realize I need to talk to Zander and Kratos.

She turns and reaches for the door handle. I have to fight everything in me not to call out to have her stay, but I don't have a good reason to stop her. So instead, I just watch her, clenching my jaw hard to keep my mouth shut.

She doesn’t push the door open, turning back to look at me.

Her eyes are so expressive that, for a moment, it catches me off guard. I don’t have long to get lost in emotions swirling there before she’s talking, and I have to focus on her words instead of what her eyes are trying to tell me.

“I read a quote about music the other day that said music speaks for the heart when we can’t find the words.” She pauses, looking down at the bag on her lap before she takes a deep breath and looks back up at me again. “And I don’t know if that's always true, but it is for me, and I think that might be why I enjoy music so much. After so many years being who others wanted or needed, I’ve found parts of myself for the first time, and music lets me feel it, even when I don’t want to.” She looks like she’s about to cry.

Why does that make me want to reach for her?

I don’t, but fuck, I want to.

She shakes her head, and in doing so, some of her sadness seems to disappear. Once again replaced with a small smile, but I can still see it in her eyes.

“Anyways, I just wanted to thank you for sharing your music with me.” She says in a rush, and before I can get my thoughts in order enough to respond, she’s gone. She closes the door behind her as she jogs down the path towards the library, throwing a wave back at me before disappearing around the corner and out of sight.

* * *

I spendthe drive back to the house going over damn near everything in my mind. From the moment we found her to when she showed up at my parent's house and everything in between. I’ve run through it twice now, and still, I can’t pinpoint when she went from suspicious to a part of us. I know it happened, obviously, but it didn’t happen overnight. Slowly but surely, she wormed her way in, and I don’t think I ever had a hope of stopping it, not from a lack of trying.

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