Page 101 of Vengeance & Sin

Nobody can know. That’s the plan; that's always been the plan.

But the longer I’m here, the harder it is to stick to that plan, and the harder they make it for me to want to.

* * *

Monday morning meansthe first day of classes, and while I know I should be nervous, I’m not really, though I’m also not quite excited either. Honestly, I don’t know how to describe what I’m feeling.

I wake up, shower, and get ready. My shower takes a few minutes longer than usual as I take the time to pull off the waterproof taping that Kratos wrapped my tattoos in and wash them. When I get out, I dry them off, making sure to be careful, I’ve never had a tattoo before, but I make sure I follow all the steps Kratos told me for aftercare. Once I’m done, I take a minute to admire them in the mirror.

I love them.

I decided to just go with dark blue skinny jeans and my knee-high combat boots paired with a burgundy cami and my black halter hoodie. I do my hair in soft curls that fall just above my waist and skip makeup. Clair bought me a bunch of it, but I don’t know how to apply most of it and decide it isn’t worth my time to experiment with today. However, I do grab one of the chapstick tubes she got me. It smells so damn good and makes my lips so soft that I’ve been carrying it everywhere.

I check my reflection in the floor-length mirror that hangs on my closet door before I decide I’m happy enough with the whole outfit. I admire my hair and new piercing, the stones in my nose catch the light and sparkle, and I can’t help but smile at this new version of me. I can’t remember ever feeling more like myself than I do right now.

Before I can stop it, my brain ventures into thoughts of being back in the rings, of blonde hair and obedience, and I can’t repress the shudder that works through my body at just the thought. I know it’s a huge possibility that in just a few months, I’ll be there again, and while I know it will be out of necessity, the thought of giving this version of myself up, even if just temporarily, makes my chest feel tight.

I take a deep breath and file that thought away for later. It’s not something I need to worry about right now, and it won’t help, so there's no reason to dwell on it.

I grab my backpack and head down to the kitchen where Spencer and Roderick sit having coffee, ready to go. I pour myself a cup and sit next to Roderick opposite of Spencer before I realize they’re deep in conversation about something to do with Vengeance, I don’t catch what they're discussing, but that doesn’t matter.

Just a few days ago, me walking into the room, would have had their conversation grinding to a halt, no matter what they were discussing. Last week they were talking about their classes. I had heard them in the hall before I walked into the kitchen, but the moment they saw me, they stopped talking as if their conversation was about a sensitive topic, it wasn’t, but I didn’t say anything. Instead, I grabbed my coffee and took it back to my room. The moment I was in the hall again, I heard them start talking. I brushed it off and decided it didn't bother me. I’m a stranger, and they owe me nothing.

Now on the opposite side of that, I can’t help but feel ridiculously gitty that they seem to have accepted me being here. Before I even get a second to sort myself and this stupid feeling out, Zander walks into the kitchen, looking like he would rather be dead than awake. Though he’s fully dressed, so at least there’s that. I wonder how long it took to get him up and who got stuck doing it.

It’s no secret Zander hates mornings.

“What did your coffee do to have you smiling at it like that, Doll?” He asks the moment he sees me. No good morning or even the slightest acknowledgment to the guys sitting beside me.

Shit.

I didn’t even realize I was smiling.

“Nothing!” I say a bit too quickly, and I can’t help but cringe as I realize he’ll never believe that. I can feel all three of them looking at me now, and I try not to shift nervously in my seat under the weight of their eyes.

This is ridiculous.

He walks over to the coffee pot and pours his cup before giving me a wicked smirk that lets me know he doesn’t believe me.

“Sure.” He draws out the word sarcastically but doesn’t push any more than that before he turns to the guys and asks if they're ready to go.

I take a moment to breathe while they give him shit about how they were waiting on him.

I need to get my shit together. I’ve worked for years to keep myself apart from everyone around me, to be what others needed, what they wanted, to just blend in. I can’t let a few weeks with some guys destroy that careful mask just because they’re nice to me and look at me like a person.

“Jade?” Roderick calls my name, and I look up, pulled from my mental scolding, only to see that I missed something while I was zoned out. All of them now stand at the kitchen entrance, looking back at me with varying levels of concern and suspicion.

I’ll give you one guess who’s suspicious.

“Sorry, I zoned out.” I tell them with a weak smile that I don’t feel, and the frown of concern on Roderick's face deepens. I stand from the stool and chug down the rest of my coffee, leaning over to put my mug in the sink before scooping up my backpack and heading after them.

“It’s gonna be great, you'll see.” Zander tells me as I catch back up to them, mistaking my warring feeling as anxiety over the first day of school; I don’t correct him. It's much better than the alternative, which is admitting that I’m smiling like a fool because of them when I know better. We head out the door and pile into Roderick’s SUV together.

* * *

The driveto campus was much shorter than I had expected. I didn’t realize just how close their house was, but it would make sense to live close if they didn’t want to live on campus.

We get a close spot in the lot even though it appears to be filled with cars as far as the eye can see. I wonder if it’s lucky that we got this spot or if this is just another perk of them being, well them. I don’t bother to ask. Instead, I get out and follow after them as they head across campus to the main building.

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