Page 80 of Honest With You

“Is anyone else there?”

She laughs lightly, twisting the camera around so I can see the inside of the apartment she shares with her best friends. In the background, I spot her boyfriend Brad on the computer, who waves at me, and a couple in the kitchen who I recognize as her longtime friends Kim and Kyle.

I heave a sigh of relief. I’ve known them for half of my life so I know whatever they may hear stays with them.

Liz points the camera back towards her, settling on the couch.

“Is that him? The dad?”

“Yeah…” I whisper, peeking down at the golden-haired boy on my shoulder.

“He’s handsome. Does he treat you well?”

I hesitate. It doesn’t feel right, bad-mouthing my baby’s dad. Even though he hurt me, for the most part he always treated me with respect and love. I just wish our memories weren’t tainted with lies. But like I told Jesse, I’m working on trying to get past everything.

We’re having a baby and I still love him. The least I could do is give it another shot.

I nod but Liz catches my slight hesitation and quirks an eyebrow.

“He did something, didn’t he?” I can see Brad curling up next to her, wrapping an arm around her. With a remote, he turns the tv on, as if to drown the sound of us talking and she shoots him a grateful smile. He kisses her temple and I can’t help the sigh that escapes me when I witness the deep love between my cousin and her childhood best friend. I think about Jesse.Though he’s made mistakes, I’m willing to work through my insecurities and doubts if it means I can have a love like Liz and Brad.

Again I nod, because I don’t want to risk waking Jesse up.

“Do you love him?”

“Yes, I do,” I whisper shakily. I’ve never admitted that to anyone but Jesse, and if the look of understanding that flashes in Liz’ face is any indication, it matters. My feelings matter.

“Then forgive him. Even if it’s not right now. Go to therapy if you need to, but if you think he’s worth it, keep working on it.” Her smile turns reflective as she turns to look at Brad. “We both know how short and fragile life is. Don’t waste it being scared of getting hurt. Love is always worth it.”

Istare at the ultrasound sitting on my bedside table while I pack a bag to take to Ava’s.

Uncle Luke had sat us both down and asked us what we wanted to do.

Since her doctor was pretty adamant about making sure Ava slept and ate right, we collectively agreed to have me stay a few days a week to keep Ava on a routine.

My dad’s still pissed at me and hasn’t spoken a word to me in a few weeks, while my mom has warmed up to the idea of being a grandmother. She’s even visited Ava a few times when I’m at school to check on her. Given the fragile nature of her pregnancy, Ava also decided she would finish out the rest of the school year at home.

Ava has given me another chance, one I’m scared I’ll fuck up. Everything with her pregnancy, finals and the crap with my dad has kept me so busy, I haven’t had a chance to breathe, let alone think of ways to get back to the way we were before I messed up. She’s been really quiet lately, mostly staying in bed when she’s not studying or eating. It’s got me worried about her mental health so I planned a date to a drive-in movie tonight, to get her away from the house while still remaining inconspicuous. We haven’t told many people about her pregnancy.

Besides our respective families, only Matt, Ryder and Vanessa know. I haven’t even had the chance to tell Tyler yet. Stephen said it would be best to wait for her to get past the critical first trimester before telling anyone, and since Ava is only at 10 weeks, we’re still keeping this quiet for now.

I grab the sonogram, tucking it in my song book for safekeeping, then zip up my suitcase. I’m checking the messages on my phone when my mom waltzes in my room, plopping down beside me on the bed.

“Hey, bud.” She taps the suitcase, looking around the room. “Got everything you need?”

I nod absentmindedly, because a text from Margaret’s mom just came in and since she’s never texted me before. Warning bells ring in my head but it doesn’t stop me from opening the new thread.

Mag’s Mom: Call me when you get this. Urgent.

What now?

Mom notices and grabs the phone from me. Her expression slowly changes into one of pure disdain as she shakes her head, handing the phone back to me.

“We need to handle this, Jesse.” She taps the screen. “Call her now. Put it on speaker. Whatever her mom has to say to you, she can say in front of your mom.”

Ifollow Ava to the bathroom and gently grab her wrist to face me.

"Stop pushing me away, Ava."

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