Page 78 of Honest With You

“You really are happy about this, aren’t you?”

I nod my head slowly, unsure how to explain the slight giddiness and flutters in my belly that I feel at the thought of a kid that’s half me and half Ava. Things are a little rocky between us right now but I know my girl. I know her heart like I know mine.

I know I fucked up, but I’m going to fix it. We’re going to get through it. For the first time in my life, I feel like I actually have a purpose. Other than when I’m holding my guitar in my hand, I’ve never experienced a feeling quite like this.

Then, a thought occurs to me and I feel like an idiot for not addressing this with her sooner.

“Ava.” I turn her to face me and her gaze shutters when she realizes how close we are. “How are you feeling about all this?” I urge her to sit on the loveseat by the vanity and she complies, but she turns her gaze up to me warily, arching a brow.

“To be honest, at first I was scared. But last night while I was talking to Stephen, I realized that I can do this. I have an advantage.”

“What’s that?”

Sighing, she folds her hands in her lap. “I’m not out of touch with my reality. I understand I was born with privilege. Privilege I can use when it comes to parenthood. I have support and I can give my kid practically anything they may want.”

“Ourkid,” I interject.

Her head flies up and I sputter a laugh. “Our kid is definitely not hurting for money and will be set for life.”

She shifts in her seat as if unsettled.

“Wha-what is it?” I hear the hesitancy in my voice. I swear, the sudden shifts in our conversations lately have me whiplashed.

She clears her throat, chewing her bottom lip.

“What’s it going to look like once school is over, Jesse? Over the last few weeks, I also realized something.”

“What?”

“Every time someone brings up the topic of college or graduation you get squeamish or change the subject.” She doesn’t miss the slight grimace the words college and graduation cause, knowing everything after May will be uncertain. “You plan to follow your cousin to NYU, don’t you?”

I nod.

Her eyebrows lift before she smooths out her expression and stands. “I see.”

I can practically see the walls she starts building between us as she puts the pieces together in her head. I know I only have myself to blame for putting all that doubt in her head.

“Ava.”

She starts for her bed, then swings around back to me. “What, Jesse?”

“Why do you keep walking away before letting me even explain?”

She huffs, her impatience with me evident. “What do you expect? Was I supposed to find out once you were packing?”

I growl in frustration. “No, damn it. I was going to tell you. There was no way I was going to go to school 3,000 miles away from you.”

She shakes her head at that, clearly confused at my statement. “So what? You make the decision for both of us and that’s that?”

“I go where you go.”

She drops her head, her arms going around her middle. I see her inhale deep, shutting her eyes for a moment before she brings those gorgeous browns my way.

“It doesn’t really matter now, does it Jesse?” She mumbles half to herself, half to me.

“Why the fuck not?”

“Because it’s not like I can go anywhere with the baby.”

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