Page 75 of Honest With You

“Ava, honey. I’m not mad at you. I don’t want you to think I am. I’ve made a lot of mistakes when it comes to you, and being mad at you for something you had no control over is not going to be one of them.” This time, he flashes me a small smile. “I know you, honey. Even if you don’t think that I do. I know you would have taken every precaution but sometimes these things happen. All I can do now is support you.”

My breathing stutters and everything feels like it’s slowing down as I take in every single word he just said to me. It’s the most my father has ever said to me since my mom died.

Another tap comes from my door, interrupting our moment and he takes a long look at me before tipping his head toward the door.

My stomach dips and my heart free falls. Instantly, I know who it is.

“I couldn’t keep him away, honey. He was willing to wait downstairs, even if it took all weekend.”

Jesse…

“Why don’t you speak to him before we have Tito Evan take him home?” My dad says, gesturing to my belly. “It might be helpful to talk things through.”

I nod, biting the inside of my cheek as my fingers flex on my comforter. My father pauses by the door, his hand on the knob.

“Be brave. Just like your mama.” He gives me one final look over his shoulder before opening the door and Jesse enters, his head hung low.

It may have been a few seconds or maybe minutes, but it feels like an eternity when he finally looks up at me. His eyes shine, wetness coating his cheeks as his eyes do a dance between mine.

He’s on me in the next breath, sweeping me up in his arms and hugging me close.

His lips skim my earlobe when he whispers, “I’m so sorry, Ava.”

I still, my breaths coming out harsh at the mere contact.

“I-ah-I need… space.” I stutter, shivering as his breath against my skin leaves goosebumps in its wake. I push against his chest until he sucks in a deep breath, putting some space between us. I sink to my knees on my comforter, my fingers digging into my skin to keep from reaching out.

“Are you okay?” He pushes his words out in an exhale, his fingers immediately finding his hair as he runs them through it almost frantically. His eyes dip to my stomach.

I clutch it almost defensively, feeling my face heat with anger. “Is that a real question? Of course I’m not, Jesse.”

He drops to his knees at the end of my bed, offering me his palms. His eyes flash with a bevy of emotions.

Frustration.

Desperation.

Determination.

“Baby…”

“No!” I shake my head furiously. “Don’t call me that. I’m not your anything.”

Dropping his head, I watch as his fingers dig into my comforter turning his knuckles white. “Ava.. I need you to listen–”

I’m not in the right headspace for this. I thought I was. I thought I could, but being around him feels like a vise grip to my throat. I’m struggling to breathe.

“I can’t- I don’t think I can do this. Not tonight, Jesse. I haven’t slept in days and all I want to do is sleep. I feel like absolute shit. Everything hurts–” My words stilt, as I choke back sobs. I bury my face in my hands, folding myself onto the bed.

Suddenly it feels like it’s all hitting me at once.

Jesse’s betrayal.

My pregnancy.

Dad’s presence.

Mom’s absence.

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