Page 53 of Honest With You

An hour later and freshly showered, I slip under the covers beside Ava.

She had insisted, as soon as we were given our room assignments during the tour, that she needed me with her to be able to sleep. Stephen must have sensed so much desperation and fear laced in her tone that he didn’t even argue against it. But he did shoot me a withering glare.

I turn to her with my hand tucked under my cheek.

“Talk to me.”

“I’m sorry, Jesse,” she whispers. The light streaming in from the nightlight by her door offers just enough lighting that I can trace her features with my eyes. I can still see her every emotion etched on her face, feel it in the way she breathes and moves. In the past few months, I’ve cataloged every single thing about her, committing it to memory. I’m so attuned to her, I can tell she’s shutting herself from her pain. She’s staring at the ceiling, her eyes blank and void of emotion now that she’s exhausted herself. There’s a slight tremble on her chin but other than that, she calmed herself down like she’s programmed herself to do since her mom died.

But no more. That ends tonight. I won’t allow her to stifle her emotions in order for everyone else to feel comfortable. Her instinct to cater to everyone but herself is not healthy. Her mental health and wellbeing is just as important as everything else and the most important to me.

“Hey…” I turn her over until she’s laying on my arm and I trace her jaw. “You have zero reason to apologize right now.” I tilt her chin up so I can look her in the eyes when I tell her this. “I’m the one who should apologize for not getting to you sooner.”

I huff a breath, my finger tracing the marks on her jaw, throat and shoulder.

“I feel like I created such a mess. I let my emotions get the best of me and didn’t think it through. I should have waited for you, or at least taken Vanessa out of there and called the police or something. I wasn’t thinking–like, what if he had done more than just grabbed my boob.. like what if he–'' Her voice starts rising in octaves, her anxiety cutting through the concrete wall she builds when everything gets to be too much.

I don’t bother hearing the rest of that sentence. Instead, I try to take her mind off it, the only way I know how.

I thread a hand through her hair, sliding it into those gorgeous locks as I crash my mouth down on hers. We both groan at the contact, her legs intertwining with mine as her hands smooth their way up my chest to my neck before they wander to my hair, until she’s threading her fingers through that too, urging me closer.

“Do you have any idea how proud I am of you, sweet girl?” I whisper against her lips.

She fully faces me, resting her palm on my chest above my heart. Wrapping my free arm around her waist, I pull her into me until every part of our bodies touch. We’re nipping and tugging, and it’s the hottest makeout session I’ve ever had. We’re only coming apart to take gulps of air before coming back together again. Instead of words, we’re using our mouths to tell each other everything we can’t voice out loud.

Words like, I think I love this girl. I think—-

Her right hand travels to the nape of my neck and she pulls back, whispering, “Iwantyou.”

Before I can process what she meant by that, I’m suddenly pulled down, her lips trailing my jaw. “I’m ready, Jesse.”

I catch her lips, unable to keep myself from getting another taste.

“Ava…” Her name comes out as a breathy whisper, igniting the fire she stoked with those three words.

She seems to take that as a green light because I’m suddenly pushed on my back, her dark hair flowing as she moves to straddle me. The mere sight of her on top of me will be forever etched into my memory. If I could, I would commission to have this moment drawn, for posterity. To hold on to. To cherish.

I muffle a groan at the contact, biting my knuckle before my hands automatically go to her thighs, my grip on her soft skin tighter than my hold on restraint that’s barely a thread thin.

“Ava, you’re killing me. I’m barely holding strong here, sweet girl.”

She leans back in hesitation but it puts the most sensitive parts of our bodies even closer together. I shut my eyes hoping that without the visual, it would be easier to resist her, even though that’s the last thing I want. I feel every inch of her pressed against every inch of me. The contact is damn near excruciating, a kind of blinding pleasure created by the brief feel of her against me. I grit my teeth, trying to ignore the need that’s nearly overcome me.

“Do you–do you not want me?”

My eyes fly open just in time to see her squirm in embarrassment, attempting to get off. I hold her hips in place and flip us over, so I’m on top. I pin my hips to hers so she can feel just how much I want her.

“Does itfeellike I don’t want you, Ava?”

I release a breath I didn’t even realize I was holding and smooth her hair out of her eyes. Resting my elbows on the bed, I look down at her and smile at how damn beautiful she is. She’s flushed with desire but I see how tired her eyes are. The marks from earlier are still raw and red on her skin and I know her mind is going a mile a minute right now.

I want her, but not like this. I would never take advantage of her vulnerability.

I want her, always. So the timing of it doesn’t matter, but it would never be when she’s still reeling from an attack not just on her but her friend too.

Dropping a kiss on her lips, I press my forehead against hers, my breathing ragged and my voice rough with need. I doubt I can contain myself for much longer. Especially not when the object of my deepest desires wants me just as much as I want her.

“You have no idea how much I want you.” I kiss her on the cheek, trailing my lips up her jaw and pausing to breathe her scent before placing another kiss on the sensitive part behind her ear. “Only you, Ava.”

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