Page 31 of Honest With You

“Do you want to tell me why we’re really here playing games, eating junk food in the middle of the night, on the top of a cliff with no one around?”

She bites into herensaymada, sugar coating her top lip as her mouth curls into another small playful smile.

I clear my throat, unsure how to bring it up. It’s something I really want her to understand. The only problem is there are a lot of things about this issue that I’m not ready to divulge yet.

“I wanted to apologize, Ava.”

Her hands pause their work. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for though.”

I ignore that.

I do.

“Can I explain?”

She grabs a wipe from the pack next to the backpack, taking her time cleaning her fingers from the sugary pastry before her eyes lock with mine and she nods. She knows exactly what I’m talking about.

“If you feel like you have to. If you want to.”

Using my thumb, I wipe the sugar off her lips. “I need to.”

“Okay.” It’s a whisper. A confirmation to continue.

“Last year, I dated this girl. She was a model, an influencer type, so she was pretty famous around school. I guess you could say, she was their celebrity. She was constantly doing brand deals, promoting shit, attending all these events and everyone wanted to be around her to kind of soak up that lifestyle, you know? By default, it made me–”

“Popular?”

I nod, because as embarrassing and cringeworthy as it is, it was the truth.

“Yeah. Since then, I’ve just been under this microscope. I think some of the kids at school are just waiting to see what I’ll do next. They’re nosy as hell.”

Looking down at her hand, she contemplates this. Her whole demeanor changes, as evidenced by her stiff shoulders and her teeth currently gnawing on her lush bottom lip.

Hesitantly she raises her eyes to meet mine. I can see the uncertainty and the confusion in them.

“I don’t know why you’re telling me this right now, Jesse.”

Yes, you do.

“Because I know some people are talking shit right now, Ava, and you seem to think their opinions have merit. Honestly, I feel like you’re using it as an excuse.”

Her eyebrows shoot up, a flash of something passing through her face, but it’s gone before I can decipher it. I sit up, stuffing all the cards between us back in the bag and grab her hands.

“Ava. What’s going on?”

Something shifts in Ava. Her whole demeanor changes as she gets a faraway look in her eyes, like she’s revisiting a memory or hiding back in that cave she retreats to whenever things get too intense. I’ve seen her do it when we were kids. She hid her pain from her brother and constantly put her sister first. She would pretend everything was okay, that she wasn’t hurting but she would cry her eyes out to me when it was just the two of us.

“Ava, please.”

Ava exhales a shaky breath. “Jesse, I thought we were getting to know each other as friends.”

“Wearefriends, Ava. Friends share things with each other. Hell, I just told you something no one but Tyler knows.”

Ava inhales deeply, holding her breath in her shoulders for a split second before she shakes her shoulders, like she’s expelling the nerves away. She brushes the stray hair from her face, a slight tremble in her hand. Her eyes turn into molten caramel as they meet mine. There’s a slight sheen in them, like she’s holding herself together by a thread.

I reach for her hands again and thankfully, she lets me clasp hers in mine.

“Do you know who my father is, Jesse?”

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