Page 28 of Honest With You

I twist the cap on my drink, contemplating what to say next. If I should even say anything. My whole game plan for tonight was to keep it light and fun. Stargaze and try to get to know this version of her that's reappeared in my life.

I never thought I'd be opening up to her again, especially when that's always been a hard thing for me to do.

Ava reaches out to place a hand on my knee, squeezing it gently. When she makes a move to remove it, my hand involuntarily shoots up to cover hers, like I’m asking her to keep me steady.

She smiles at me reassuringly, a playful smirk dancing on her lips. "You don't fool me, Jesse. Don’t forget, I knew you before and I feel like I still do. You pretend to be this version of yourself, who’s all smiles and no fucks given so no one can see just how much you’re struggling. I know things were difficult for you growing up and with this newfound popularity you have going for you now that it can be scary to let people in. You don’t let people see beyond the exterior and that’s a shame because you’re beautiful both inside and out. You have so much going for you that has nothing to do with your looks and everything to do with that beating organ inside of you. So how about you talk to me? Tell me what’s going on. I can tell it's been weighing on you."

“So you think I’m beautiful?” I nudge her shoulder with mine, feeling the weight lift a little in my chest but still struggling with the idea of anyone else seeing beyond what I want them to see. I don’t really want to be that loner nerdy kid anymore.

She rolls her eyes, “You own a mirror.”

I chuckle at that, sweeping my gaze across the grassy outlook to the view of the city then back to Ava. She nods for me to continue and looks at me with kind eyes.

Who am I to deny her what she wants?

What I’ve been dying to do?

I take a huge gulp of breath when I feel cold fingers wrap around mine. I realize she turned her hand to entwine her fingers through mine for support and that gives me the courage to start.

“I was out with my cousin, Tyler. It was the week before he was leaving for college so he drove us to LA. We ended up at one of my dad’s restaurants. We saw dad there with his assistant. The one I caught him with. The one he said he fired."

I trace her palm with my thumb almost reflexively, a deep sigh escaping me at the sense of comfort a single touch from her provides.

“It was actually Tyler who saw them first. He saw Dad kiss her. Hold her hand. Hug her close.” I run my free hand over the top of my head, the hood of my sweater falling around my neck. “He was livid. Our moms are sisters so my dad was cheating on his aunt. I had to chase him down and hold him back. Then, my dad had the nerve to get pissed at us. He said we embarrassed him. It took every ounce of strength I had to physically pull Ty out of that restaurant.”

Shaking my head at the memory, a flash of anger bubbles inside me as I remember the look in my dad’s eyes when he saw us. He didn’t even care that his own son saw him.

“The restaurant was across from the hotel we were staying at, so I left Ty fuming in our room and met my dad back there. I didn’t realize it at the time, but that was the wrong move. Dad pulled me into his office, basically trying to guilt trip me into promising not to tell my mom. It felt like he was just throwing whatever he could think of at me.”

I shove a hand through my hair, recalling the almost angry way my dad was stomping around his office while I sat there listening to him list all the reasons why my mom couldn’t find out.

“But none of that mattered because Ty had called his mom who told my mom and it blew up into this whole thing that almost had my parents divorcing.”

A soft gasp escapes Ava and she leans even closer, our knees touching. She moves our entwined hands on her lap, hugging it with her arm.

“What happened? I’m assuming everything worked itself out because they were together at your house and seemed happy.”

I snort, rolling my eyes. “My mom is good at pretending everything is fine when it’s really not. They went to therapy for a while after deciding to give their marriage another shot but I know–” I cough, to cover the sudden rush of emotion I feel.

“Jesse…”

“It’s–it’s alright Ava. For the most part, I really am over it. But sometimes I can’t help feeling like my mom is just staying with him because of me.”

“Have you talked to your mom about it? Let her know how you feel?”

“No. Back when she first found out, she made me promise her not to worry about her or dad and just focus on being a kid.”

“That doesn’t seem fair.”

I shrug, “I’m not the one he cheated on. I mean my dad didn’t just make a mistake. He continued to make those choices for years before he got caught.”

“It doesn’t make it any less real for you, Jesse. I feel like you really need to make that clear with your mom. It’s not your responsibility to worry about what happens to their marriage. At the end of the day, you said it yourself, your dad made a conscious choice to betray your mom, their marriage and you.”

I don’t say anything to that, knowing she’s right. I feel a gentle pull and I glance at her but she’s not looking at me, she’s staring down at her lap, her thumb tracing my knuckles.

“What else is bothering you? You said it was worse now?”

“If I thought I had a shitty relationship with him before, it’s basically nonexistent now. We barely talk. He might be home more now but whenever he is, he’s holed up in his office talking toclients.”

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