Page 92 of Glad You Exist

I open my mouth to respond with a quick retort, but I quickly forget it when he tenderly grazes my cheek with his thumb instantly distracting me.

“Seeing you happy is all I ever want, El. Are you happy?”

I can feel my gaze soften as warmth balloons in my chest. The way he’s looking at me like I’m somehow the blessing instead of the reality of him being mine makes my insides melt.

“I think this is the happiest I’ve been in a really long time and it’s all because of you.”

He answers with that slow smile I know he reserves only for me. He cups the back of my neck and rewards me with a quick kiss that’s so tender and slow, I feel tingles all the way down to my toes.

“Let me clean up here. Change into pajamas and meet me outside?”

I wrapthe puffy robe Summer bought me for my birthday tighter around me as I make myself comfortable on the patio daybed while I wait for Brad to join me. I close my eyes and bask in the comfortable heat the fire pit offers against the harsh winter chill.

My phone vibrating under my pillow, breaks into my thoughts and when I pull it out and check it, I realize its midnight.

I have several text messages from Dan, greeting me with happy birthday wishes.

Smiling, I open our thread. I start to send him a text saying I miss him, but my smile dies when I finish reading the last message he sent.

It’s time to stop hiding Liz. Tell them.

I love you. Here for you.

I lock my phone and toss it behind me.

All week, I’ve thought about nothing but this.

All week, my brother has been telling me this.

Reminding me relentlessly and repeatedly about how important it is for me to do this.

Not just for my sake but for theirs.

I know he’s right. It’s time.

My friends need to know what happened, what I did all those years ago.

That by not telling them I attempted suicide, I am keeping this from them. Lying to them. Brad has every right to the truth. Kim and Kyle deserve my honesty.

I rub my temples, shutting my eyes. Mentally preparing myself for this conversation I need to have with them before we leave the cabin.

But I don’t know where to even begin. How to start. What to do.

God, I miss Mom. She would tell me what to do. What to say. She would hold me and put my fears to rest. I desperately want to smell her, see her, talk to her…hug her.

I struggle against the tears threatening to overtake me, feeling myself shake with repressed grief. I become so lost in my thoughts that I don’t notice the patio flooding with twinkling lights until I feel Brad’s presence.

“El?” I hear his cautious footsteps growing nearer.

I look up suddenly and he climbs in beside me, He holds me close to his chest when he sees the look on my face that I have failed to hide from him in time.

“What’s wrong baby?” He lifts my chin with his finger and looks down at me worriedly.

I sniff forcing a smile, deciding to tell him at least half the truth. “I miss my mom.”

Brad nods in understanding, seemingly getting lost in his thoughts himself.

I gasp when I finally notice the lights. I sit up, resting a hand on his chest as I look around at all the fairy lights that adorn the wrap-around patio and trees that surround the cabin. Making the whole place look like it came straight out of a holiday card.

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