Page 88 of Glad You Exist

I worry my bottom lip. There is an unmistakable question beneath all of this. I see it in the cautious way he’s looking at me right now, his eyes full of restrained hope and an understanding.

He is asking me to go away for a weekend alone with him. He’s asking without pushing about taking our relationship to the next level. I know Brad will never force me to do more than I’m ready to.

Inadvertently this is already something I’ve been thinking about more these last few weeks.

“I’ve already cleared it with both our parents and Dan in case you are worried about that.”

I shake my head instinctively but then his words make sense in my fogged-up brain.

I forgot to consider that.

He’s right. I would…should have been worried about that but I wasn’t. I’m not.

This isus. Brad and me. It doesn’t occur to me to feel like we need permission to just be us or do things together. We’ve never had to before.

I realize that I still haven’t said a word when he cups my face.

He bends his knees so we can be at eye level. “You can say no.”

His eyes do a worried dance between mine.

I laugh at that, “I thought you said I had to say yes?”

His other hand slides up to the small of my back, “It was a dumb thing to say. I was trying to be cute. You always have a choice El.”

“You’re always cute.” I kiss him gently allowing myself to get lost in it before I whisper. “Also, when you’re the one asking, my answer is always yes.”

It was a struggle not to break and tell her what we have planned.

An even bigger struggle was to not to be so blatantly obvious about it when Kim and Kyle were around. Kim is the absolute worst at keeping secrets and this is a big one.

I look over at Liz sleeping in the passenger seat with an eye mask on. I stifle my laughter remembering how much she fought against wearing the thing when I first handed it to her. Just like I knew she would, within minutes of being on the road, she fell fast asleep. Liz has never been able to stay awake when riding shotgun in a car.

We’ve been on the road for almost two hours. I stopped once to get gas and she slept through it all which I had been hoping for so I wouldn’t have to field more questions.

The last month has been a test to my willpower. I was at my wits ends with keeping this a secret from her, but I know it’s going to be worth it.

I drum my fingers on the wheel as I catch sight of the exit for Leavenworth. I make the turn for it and twenty minutes later, hit the private road leading up to the cabin. I quickly glance over at her again to make sure she isn’t awake and seeing where we’re headed. The sight of her sleeping peacefully next to me makes my heart want to claw its way out of my chest and into hers.

I didn’t even know I was capable of being more in love with her than I already was and here I am practically overflowing with it. I am so fucking gone for her.

I love her with such an intense force that I practically vibrate with it just at the mere thought of her. If I can make her forget all the horrible things that happened last year even just for a few days to celebrate her goddamn existence, then that’s what I’m determined to do.

Unsurprisingly, Kim and Kyle feel the exact same way, which is why, unbeknownst to Liz, they’re here waiting for us. I pull up to the dirt road leading up to my family’s private cabin and spot Kyle’s Ford F-150 parked near the annex. The screeching of the tires on sleet and snow-covered pavement must have alerted them to our arrival.

I park my Rover just in time for them to come out and meet us. Kim does a jiggling dance on the front steps as she rubs her hands together to stay warm.

It’s at least ten degrees colder up here than it is back home. I make a mental note to text Mom a thank you for packing an extra suitcase of winter clothes for the four of us. It’s just like her to know we wouldn’t be prepared. It’s been a while since we were all up here together.

Liz never pays attention to sports or school events and just shows up when I tell her there’s a game. So, under the pretense of an “away” game which she thought Kyle and Kim had left school early for, they drove up here first to decorate and set up.

I grin at them from inside the car and nod towards the back. I pop open the trunk and Kyle makes quick work of taking our bags out and into the cabin.

He comes back out in a matter of seconds and gives me a thumbs up.

I climb out of the car, shooing Kim as she tries to open the passenger door first.

I gently ease the door open and unbuckle her seatbelt.

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