Page 82 of Glad You Exist

I don’t even bother responding this time. I feel Liz’s pinky wrap around mine as my hand rests on her knee. We used to do this when we were kids and one of us got in trouble.

I calm myself down with slow deep breaths. Even though I know I fucked up, I hate that my mom is putting me in a position like this in front of Liz who already has enough to deal with without feeling guilt over this too.

“Mom.” I call her with just enough warning in my tone.

Mom flicks a glance at Liz, who has her head down. Liz is staring down at her lap, guilt-stricken, and Mom visibly reigns herself in realizing what her words are doing.

“Liz, honey. Have you spoken with your dad?”

“Dan talked to him about it last night. We decided it was best if dad didn’t get worked up considering he’s letting us spend Thanksgiving with ourLola.”

HerLola, her grandmother, lives in Portland with the rest of her mom’s family.

I haven’t realized that she won’t be around for Thanksgiving break until now. Which means, I won’t see her for a week.

“Letting you?” There is an unmistakable edge to Mom’s words. “And when is he—your dad coming home?”

No doubt about it, Mom is still pissed at Uncle Will. She has never really forgiven him for breaking Aunt Cat’s heart. Or for how he’s handling everything since she died. I’ve heard her vent to Dad about it.

If it were up to Mom, Liz would be here with us instead of living without a parent because her dad can’t be bothered to rearrange his life for his kids. Dan is technically an adult at twenty-one, but it isn’t his responsibility to parent his sister either.

“Sometime in January. I imagine it’s a lot to take care of moving from Cali to here especially with dad’s practice and Olivia’s business.”

Mom hums, tapping her fingers on the table, “In time for your birthday?”

Liz sucks in a breath, looking thrown. “I don’t think so.”

“Then it’s settled. I’m planning the debut.”

Liz stiffens in her seat, her back straight as a rod. “I don’t want adebut, Aunt Rose.”

Liz pronounces itdeh-boo. I’ve heard her mention this once before.

In the Filipino culture they mark turning eighteen as a rite of passage. They throw a formal coming of age celebration into adulthood called “a debut,” similar to aquinceañera.

Mom is silent for longer than it’s comfortable and I’m about to say something when she quietly states, “Your mom really wanted you to have one.”

Liz looks away, a hint of sadness marring her expression before addressing Mom again.

“I know, and I really appreciate the offer, Auntie, but it’s not something I’ve ever wanted. I know Mom only did because she never had one, but it’s just not for me.”

Thankfully, Mom doesn’t push. I reach over and take Liz’s hand, my thumb stroking her wrist in comfort. It takes me a few minutes to realize Mom has left.

I only notice when Liz looks up, pulling her hand from mine. She gets up, looking around.

“Is—is Aunt Rose mad?”

Frowning, I push off the table but then Mom comes back carrying a large rectangular box.

She sets it on the other side of our long dining table where it’s clear of food and plates.

“Liz. Have you given some thought to going to Prom this year?”

I jerk my head to look at Liz, curious too. I know she didn’t go last year. Ever since I figured out, I was still harboring feelings for her; I’ve been wondering if she would go if I asked her. There isn’t anyone else I want to go with. If she ended up saying no, then I didn’t see the point in going even though I’m technically obligated to as class president.

“You didn’t go last year.” I say this as a matter-of-factly because I did in fact wait until the last possible second to leave prom last year hoping she would show up.

Liz purses her lips in thought and shrugs.

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