Page 78 of Glad You Exist

I blink at him, confused, hoping he can explain further, but he still isn’t looking at me.

Evan…Evan.

A memory pokes through the haze of comparison and I remember it.

“Because Evan asked me to a dance?”

He gives me a sheepish look.

“I said no.”

Then it hits me why he is looking guilty.

“You picked a fight with me. You didn’t speak to me for over a week…”

Flinching, he looks away.

“You went to the dance with Sara!”

Now he’s actively avoiding looking at my eyes.

“Bradley. Dean.”

“Ouch. You full-named me.”

I smack his arm and the words fly out in a flurry of repressed anger. “You’re damned right, I full-named you. Do you know how scared I was back then that I was going to lose my best friend? AndI didn’t even know why. I had to beg Dan to buy me a gross lizard for you just to get you to talk to me again because—because…you—” I poke his arm on my leg. “Picked. A. Fight. Over. Some. Boy. I. Said. No. To.”

“I was jealous.” He looks ashamed now.

The hurt sixth grade Liz felt is slowly building up inside me needing an outlet for…

I wrench my legs out from under his arm. There’s a bit of a struggle and it happens so fast. One second, I’m wrestling my legs out from under him, and the next I’m plopped gently on his lap as he hugs me tightly to his chest, burying his face in the crook of my neck.

“I’m sorry El…” he whispers, and I can feel him breathe me in slowly.

I shiver at the contact then remember I’m supposed to be mad. I push his shoulders back and level him with my best glare…well, as good as I can muster. My resolve is weakening with him touching me like this and looking at me like…that.

Aunt Rose calls it his puppy dog eyes.

He gives me a look from underneath his lashes that would make grown women weep.

Even back then, he could always make me forgive him with just a look.

When we were eight and he cut the ears off of my teddy bear because he was so upset that I wanted to play with my new friend Kim, not him, he gave me this exact look, wielding it like a weapon.

Folding my arms, I use my hair to hide my face from him so he can’t see the smile pulling at the corner of my lips. “You don’t play fair.”

He tucks my hair behind my ear.

“I have another confession.” Shaking his head, he corrects himself. “I have several but…I—uh…I let that lizard lose out in the backyard right after the dance.”

“I’m not following…”

He tightens the arm resting on my hip while running his fingers through his hair, lightly tugging on the ends as if buying time. He starts looking guilty again.

“Uh… after we had that fight and you walked in on Kyle and me talking, Kyle saw you coming just as I was saying how I liked you so he covered it up by saying I liked lizards and I went along with it just to see if you would, you know, actually get me one.”

I burst out laughing. I can’t help it. It is so absurd. So random.

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