Page 28 of Glad You Exist

I am so far gone in my head; I don’t even notice when we finally arrive at the hospital.

As soon as Kyle parks the car, Kim gets out and meets me at my door. She slings an arm around my shoulders as she steers me to the front of the hospital where we find Summer waiting for us out front. I look up and realize we are not in the emergency room.

What’s going on? Where is my mom? Where’s Dan?

I try to say that out loud, but my voice betrays me. I start to sway, and Kim’s hold tightens.

“What’s going on? Is Aunt Cat, okay?” Kyle’s voice is strong, but it turns raspy as he says my mom’s name.

That’s when I notice Summer’s red rimmed eyes. Her hair is sticking to her face like she has hastily swiped at tears to cover up the fact that she has been crying.

She attempts to smile at me, but she fails as her mouth starts to quiver.

She peers over her shoulder, “I’ll let Dan tell you. I’ll take you upstairs.”

We follow her to the line of elevators at the end of the hall and as she punches the floor number.Ten. I realize we are headed towards the part of the hospital where long-term care patients stay. I remember this from the time Mom had a bad case of influenza two years ago and stayed at the hospital for a few weeks.

Kim still has her arm around me. For the first time in the last hour, it hits me that none of them have left my side from the moment they heard my mom was in the hospital. That thought has me reaching for Kim’s hand on my shoulder and squeezing it. Hoping she knows just how much I appreciate them being there for me even if I can’t find the words to voice it out just now.

As the doors open,I see the familiar shape of my brother pacing back and forth in the waiting area. I start to run to him but freeze to a standstill at the sight of him charging towards me.

Dan’s face is scrunched up in anger, his shoulders rigid with tension and his hands are fisted to his sides. And he looksfuriousas he makes his way to me.

Summer makes a beeline past me to him and holds a hand to his chest, stopping him before he reaches me. Suddenly Brad is at my side, his hand on my elbow.

“How could younottell me that Mom has cancer?!”

I take a mental step back as my mind struggles to make sense of what my brother has just yelled.

My mouth drops open in shock as I watch my brother continue to shake with rage.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Elizabeth? After all we have been through, you keep this shit from me? How could you not tell me?”

Then like pieces of a puzzle, my consciousness starts registering his words. They start to fall piece by piece as my brain fights to put it together.

I feel my whole body start to shake. My knees unbuckle and I feel Brad wrap an arm around my waist keeping me upright. I start to lose control of my senses. My vision starts to blur, and my hearing fails me. I know words are being said to me. By Dan. By Brad. By Kim.

But I am still stuck trying to finish this puzzle in my head.

Cancer. He said cancer. He said I kept it from him. Cancer? Mom has cancer? How could I keep a secret I don’t know? Cancer? Mom doesn’t have cancer. She is fine. She is healthy. She is okay. She doesn’t have cancer. So why is he yelling about cancer? Cancer?

Mom has cancer.

“She didn’t know.”

Aunt Rose?Somehow her voice breaks into my raging thoughts, and I turn with everyone in time to see her walking out of an elevator.

She stops in front of me and cradles my face in her palms, swiping at my tears with her thumbs. That’s when I realize I’m crying.

“I am so sorry, honey.”

“Mom, what’s going on?”

She leans back, placing her hands firmly on my shoulder. She turns to Brad and sighs.

“Let’s sit while we wait for the doctor to come out and I’ll tell you what I know.”

Ilisten as my mom recounts the sequence of events from when Aunt Cat first found out she had cancer (two years ago), to when she started treatment (two years ago at this very hospital), to when her doctor informed her that her cancer had progressed (last week) and she would not recover from it.

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