Page 111 of Glad You Exist

“Goodbye Brad.”

I get in my car, start it, and drive away.

I will myself not to look at him and instead I let my heartbreak consume me.

“Tell me again why I shouldn’t kick your ass?”

Kyle shoves a fry in his mouth, scowling at me from across the lunch table.

“You wouldn’t kick me when I’m down.”

Kim scoffs. “I volunteer.”

I ignore that. She's been throwing insults at me all week but today she’s been especially snippy. Liz didn’t come to school today and even though she texted Kim, none of us bought her excuse. She said she's helping Olivia today, but I know she’s avoiding me because we broke up.

I rub a tired hand down my face.

I fucked up. I know that. I let my hurt and my damned pride get the best of me.

I woke up with the intention of talking to her today. I let my feelings consume me to the point where I wasn't even cognizant of the fact that I was hurting her in return. Or maybe she's right and in some way, I wanted her to feel what I did.

I got so caught up in my fear of rejection that I made her feel unwanted instead.

I projected all my pain and insecurities at her.

I let the last words she said to me bounce around my head again.

That I didn't deserve her truth, she didn't deserve my love.

Fuck.

How could I let this happen? I didn't set out to do any of it. It just happened.

Over the weekend, I needed space. To think. To get over being pissed.

But then I saw her on Monday and the feelings crept back up.

So, like a coward, I kept doing it. Every time I saw her it was the same thing.

Then she stopped reaching out. Stopped trying to get me to talk to her and I panicked.

Out of sheer stupidity, I thought it would get her to talk to me again if I told Kim I wouldn't ride in the damned limo. Like what the fuck possessed me to even think that was a good idea?

I could have just responded to the messages she had been sending me all week.

Called her back. Waited for her outside of class to talk. But I was ashamed.

Then that asshole Hunter bumped into her, and I saw red.

Now I let her think the only reason I started talking to her again was because of him.

And she gave me the ring back.

How in the hell do I fix this?

Kim eyes me, "You're a damn mess."

Again, I ignore her. It's my superpower now apparently.

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