Page 9 of Glad You Exist

“Where were you when I needed you? Or do you not remember at all?”

Before any of them can find an answer to that, I do what I do best and walk away from my problems.

* * *

An hour later,I dry my hair with a towel and replay that whole painful conversation for the tenth time in my head, each time berating myself about all the other things I could have said instead of laying myself bare like I had. I opened myself up to a whole lot of resentment and disappointment again. Nothing good will come out of me telling them that.

They are still too hurt, and even though a big part of me is more than pissed that they mutually decided I was somehow to blame for the end of our friendship, a rational side of me knows there is some truth to that, and I deserve their anger. They were supposed to my best friends, but I had hidden the most important parts of myself. I hadn’t allowed them to be there for me after what happened. They still have no clue about what I did.

I shake those intrusive thoughts before it gets too dark and try to focus. Today is supposed to be a great day. Danny is coming home for a few weeks for a visit. That is all that matters. I needed to focus on that, or my brother will worry. Or worse, my mother will. She can always sense when something is wrong with me, and I’m reallynot ready to have that conversation.

As if on cue, I hear the garage door open and her car pulling in.

I throw the towel hastily on my bed and run downstairs to meet them.

Just as I reach the bottom step, his booming voice makes me grin from ear to ear as he rounds the corner from the family room.

“Elizabeth!” He drops his bag and scoops me up in a tight hug. With my face smushed on his shoulder and my feet dangling at least a foot off the ground, he spins me.

Laughter comes from behind us as Mom affectionally smacks Dan’s shoulder.

“Put her down, Daniel, then you kids go upstairs to catch up while I make dinner.”

She takes a minute to take us in, a radiant smile blossoming on her face before she rushes to the kitchen. With how happy she just looked, I can almost taste the sinigang and adobo she’s sure to make for dinner, knowing it’s each of our favorites.

After he sets me down, I squeeze his shoulder. “I missed you, Danny.”

He grins down at me, picking up his bag. “I missed you too, Liz.”

I make a show of looking him up and down, pretending to give him a once over as I nonchalantly climb a step then a second one, starting a game we played since we were kids. Flashing an obnoxious smirk on his face, he silently raises an eyebrow as he pointedly looks at my feet before proceeding to skip two steps. Within seconds, we both break into a jog up the stairs, trying to outrun the other.

I collapse on his bed a minute later and throw my arms up in giddy celebration.

“You owe me a movie!”

Chuckling, he tosses his bag on the floor and lays down next to me.

We start catching up as he fills me in on what’s new at school and with his friends.

I laugh as he once again gushes about how amazing the weather is in California. Not even being discreet about it anymore. I know he’s just throwing it in every other sentence because he’s hoping he can get me to choose a college near him.

“It’s not working, is it?”

I shake my head, lightly punching him on the shoulder.

“I miss you, Liz. It would be nice to be in the same zip-code again. Tired of being worried about my baby sis from so far away.”

I tuck my head under his arm, starting to feel overwhelmed with emotion. I didn’t realize just how lonely I am until today. I have spent years counting down the months leading up to my brother’s visits, being so incredibly happy during those weeks only to hide in my bedroom in his absence until he came again. I have a feeling that the hour I spent in class with my old friends set me off. Now I’m realizing just how alone and isolated I have let myself become.

“You know you can always come home.”

I feel the tension seep through the arm my forehead is resting on as he eases me off of him, pulling me to sit on the edge of the bed.

“Do you need me to?”

I shrug, not wanting him to remind me that it was my idea to split ourselves up between our parents. How he had wanted to change course and stay here with us, but I had worried about him changing his plans for me. UCLA is his dream school, and he deserves to have the future of his choosing and not be tied down at home because his sister needs him.

“I want to come home, if you’re asking me to.”

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