Page 69 of Glad You Exist

“Devotion?” I offer in a shaky whisper.

He looks straight at me as he continues, unwavering in delivering his message.

“Devotion. I always suspected he had a crush on you back then, but these last few months, the way he’s catered to your every need without you asking for anything? The way you don’t seem to notice you do it for him too. It’s unnerving as an older brother to witness. And if I hadn’t seen it myself, I would rag on him the way I have on all the losers you’ve dated but I trust the kid. I trust Brad.”

Dan runs a shaky hand through his hair, a defeated look on his face.

“True love. That’s what I see when I look at the two of you. I know you’re young but he’s not some guy you just met. You’ve known each other your whole damn lives. I have to resign myself to the fact that my kid sister has already found her soulmate and I get to sit back and watch.” He looks back at me, failing to suppress a scowl, “Just don’t get pregnant or get married yet okay?”

I shake my head at him, trying to make sense of everything he just said.

“Who knew you could be so profound, Daniel?”

He chuckles, pulling me into a hug.

“It’s time to stop hiding, Elizabeth.”

It’s not until much later that I realize that my brother never did wait for me to answer his question.

* * *

Breathe in.Breathe out.

Focus. Five things you can see.

Graffiti on the bathroom stall door.

Fluorescent lighting.

More graffiti on the bathroom walls.

Does that one say Jessica loves Kyle? I wonder if Kim has seen that one.

Wait. Right. Listing things I can see.

My shoes. My backpack.

Is that five or four?

I rub my chest, focusing on slowly breathing in and out. I need to calm myself down before Kyle wonders what's taking me so long in here and barges in. I still can't believe he insisted on chaperoning me to the damn bathroom.

Apparently, it wasn't enough to come and pick me up this morning and drive me to school. Kim and Brad had a student council meeting this morning, so they appointed him to be my official shadow guard.

I love my friends but maybe they also need a talking to on the whole overprotective thing.

I’m not dumb, I know what happened to me would be fodder for gossip, but I only have to see these people for a few more months. They can think and say what they want about me. The only ones whose opinions matter are of my friends, and they are already quite literally and figuratively my armor. No one will risk messing with me knowing who my friends are.

Everyone is terrified of Kim. They all worship Kyle and there isn’t a single student in this school who doesn’t respect Brad. I highly doubt anyone would dare to do anything but simply gossip about me. I choose to not care about it.

I have never lived my life in search of anyone else’s approval.

I may have low self-esteem, but I’ve learned to live with my shortcomings in a way that means there isn’t anyone in this world who can use my faults against me but myself.

I reach into my backpack and pull out the little pouch that has my emergency migraine prescription. I grab my reusable bottle. Even though Dan has agreed to loosen the reigns a bit—he even gave back my keys last night—this is one he refused to budge on. He still insists on regulating my prescriptions. I was prescribed migraine medication after I developed chronic migraines from my attempted suicide and because the attempt involved overdosing, Dan still doesn’t trust me with meds.

I kick open the stall door while quickly downing the pills with a few sips of water.

Tucking my bottle back in my backpack, I wash my hands then lean on the sink to give myself another quick pep talk and a few more seconds of alone time.

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