Page 65 of Glad You Exist

In fact, I want him to do it without asking me.

Like at lunch today, I kept hoping Brad would kiss me again.

With Hunter, I just felt gross and violated at the mere thought of him touching me like that.

Last night, after Brad left me in my room, I ran straight into the bathroom and threw up repeatedly until there was nothing more left in me.

I took a long shower, trying to scrub off how Hunter felt on me.

On my waist from where he grabbed me, I scrubbed so hard, I left marks.

I feel sick just thinking about it again.

But maybe because of what happened with Brad, I’m able to compartmentalize everything that happened over the weekend. Brad’s feelings take precedence over anything else. I don’t know if that’s a healthy way to think and maybe there’s some avoidance happening, but it’s how I feel at this moment.

I look up at my brother and decide that maybe this is something I can talk to him about. Hopefully without him overreacting.

I know he likes Brad. Dan grew up with him too.

Maybe he can help me figure all this out.

I can even ignore the jabs that are sure to come because this is important to me.

“Brad kissed me.”

You know those cartoons where a character’s eyes bug out in shock? Likeppoing-ppoing?

I was expecting something like that to happen. Maybe even hoping for some validation that I wasn’t as clueless as I appeared to have been for six years.

Instead, I’m rewarded with my brother’s stoic mug staring back at me.

Dan folds his arms and simply waits for me to continue.

Okay. I guess he wants to hear more before formulating a more appropriate response.

“I kissed him back.” I look away, knowing I’m turning as red as a tomato. “Twice.”

“Before or after you gave him that monitor you dipped into your trust fund for?”

“Before.”

My head is seriously starting to really hurt now.

I lay back against the couch and rub my temples.

I hear Danny sigh and leave the room. A few minutes later, he comes back, and I feel him nudge my arm. He hands me two pills and a water.

He waits for me to drink it before taking the glass from me and setting it on the table behind him. He sits next to me, contemplation written all over his face like he’s trying to figure out what to say next. I’m perturbed. He isn’t normally like this.

Last year I started dating this guy from Valley High that I met at the Academic Decathlon. When Dan found out, he took the next flight out to have a talk with a guy I only had a handful of dates with. It was the most disturbing thing to find my brother had browbeaten Alex in the living room. We barely finished our scheduled date after that before we both agreed to end it.

So, to see my brother like this is strangely uncharacteristic of him.

Not a single comment to offer, no advice to shove down my throat or veiled threats of dismemberment.

“Elizabeth.”

Or maybe it’s just wishful thinking on my part.

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