Page 38 of Glad You Exist

“No.”

“Bradley Dean—”

“You can full name me all you want Mom. It’s not happening.”

Mom rests her forehead on the doorjamb, her hand still resting on the knob.

Her voice breaks as she turns her head just enough so that I can meet her eyes and the intensity of the emotions battling on her face punches me with guilt.

“Honey, don’t you think we should take every opportunity to celebrate life?”

I sigh, “Mom, I get. But I just don’t think it would be respectful to have a party when we just lost…I can’t do it Mom. I don’t really care about my birthday.” I reach under my pillow, grabbing the phone I shoved in there a few minutes ago. I check it again, knowing full well I won’t find a response until much later when Liz goes to bed.

I level her with a look, hoping she gets it. Hoping she isn’t offended.

Hoping she will just understand. “I only care about making sure Liz is okay.”

Then something weird happens. My mom grins through her tears and marches to my bed.

“You’re still in love with her.”

My mouth pinches but I pretend I don’t understand what she means. Maybe, just maybe she will drop this because I have zero intention of discussing this with my mother.

Something must pass over my face in my attempt to remain expressionless because she’s smirking at me now. “I knew it. Cathy knew it. Hell, even your dad knew it.”

You’ve got to be shitting me. Seriously.Can the floor just swallow me whole right the fuck now?

She sits on the edge on the bed and now it’s her turn to level me with a stare.

“I guess the real question is, does Liz know how you feel?”

I shake my head, sinking back on the pillows. I cover my eyes with my arm in an effort to keep my mom from seeing the emotions I’m trying to keep hidden.

“Oh honey…”

I cut her off. I’ve been meaning to say this to her for awhile now.

“Mom. I know you orchestrated this whole group project thing with Mister Santos.”

She opens her mouth to say something like she already has a whole speech rehearsed to justify her meddling, but I hold a hand up to let her know I wasn’t done. I could care less about her making Mr. Santos put us in a group but what I do care about is getting to the bottom of something that’s been eating at me for weeks.

“I also heard you two at the party Mom. You and Aunt Cat. In the sunroom.”

A disconcerted gasp comes from her but then I hear her sigh.

“How much did you hear?”

The tone in her question makes me rise up on my elbows to meet her resigned gaze.

“Not much. Probably just the tail end of you trying to convince Aunt Cat to tell Liz and Dan about her illness. It sounded personal so I left before I could hear anything else. I really didn’t put it together until that day in the hospital.”

She lets out a breath and I swear that look on her face is relief.

Okay that’s weird.

“Mom? Is there something else I should know?”

She tilts her head at me and places her hand on my knee, “Cathy had good reasons for keeping her illness from her kids. And Will agreed to it for those very same reasons. Now… and this may be oversharing on my part, but I need you to understand that family has been through a lot more than anyone should. Liz most especially. Since you kids are trying to fix your friendship, I hope you can all stay patient with her. If you love her, be there for her. She needs you more than you can possibly understand right now and as much as I want to tell you why, it’s not my place.” She pulls her gaze away from mine and starts blinking back tears, “You two have something special and maybe only one of you realizes that right now but honey don’t give up on her.”

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