Page 23 of Glad You Exist

What. The. Hell. Kyle.

Kim turns around fast and nearly screams, “You’re in love?”

I bury my face in my hands, leaning my elbows on my knees.

“Yell a little louder, Kimberly. I don’t think Liz heard you from downstairs.”

“Oh please, this room is soundproof. No one heard me.”

I groan and through clenched teeth, I sound out every word. “The.Theatre. Is. Soundproof.”

“Oh oops.”Oops? I look up and stare at her.

I kept that a secret for six years and all she can say isoops?

At least Kyle has the decency to look sorry. He grabs Kim by her outstretched hand. Pulls her gently down beside him. “Babe. Let’s take it down a notch. Breathe.”

“I can’t calm down. This is too...” Her eyes go wide, and she grabs Kyle by the arm, “Wait. Wait just a damn minute. You knew and you didn’t tell me!”

Kyle shrugs, “It wasn’t my secret to tell.”

“Right.” She turns to me, “Brad… Does Liz know?”

I shake my head. “Look, I had feelings for her back then. No use bringing it up now.”

Kyle snorts. “You still do man.”

Kim rolls her eyes, “All I had to do was watch you watching her, and I knew.” Then she shakes her head in disbelief. “Icannotbelieve it took me this long to figure that out.”

I push off the chair and grab a Coke from the cooler. I want something stronger to get me through the direction this conversation is going but my parents are downstairs, not to mention half of my extended family. My mom won’t care if I drink a beer or two as long as I do it at home, but my grandma definitely would.

“So how come you never told her?”

Kim has now turned to face me to continue her interrogation. Her elbows are propped on the back of the couch as she watches me, her chin in her hands.

I would laugh at how absurd this scene is if it wasn’t so at odds with how I am feeling.

I shrug, popping open the bottle in my hand using the bottle opener on the side of the cooler.

“Lots of reasons, I guess. At first, it was because I was confused. She was my best friend. I couldn’t remember a time when I didn’t love her, so it took some time for me to figure out that I definitely felt more for her than just plain affection…especially since it was completely different from how I felt about well... you. In a lot of ways.” I grimace, “No offense.”

She grins, “I’m not pressed. Please continue.”

I take a sip, then another as I think back on how to explain it in a way that makes sense.

“Then I got scared. What if she didn’t feel the same or couldn’t even picturefeelingthe same way and things got awkward? What if we stopped being friends because of it?”

I pause, feeling the familiar wave of emotions wash over me.

“And then when it got way too hard to keep it all bottled in and I made up my mind to tell her, she got, well…you know.”

I search for the perfect word without minimizing what she was going through at the time.

Now that I am actually privy to that information I want to tread carefully and respectfully.

“Distant?” Kyle offered.

I point at him, acknowledging the word. “Yeah…well, I got pissed after that. Every time I planned on telling her, she wouldn’t want to go out. I felt like I was being rejected before I could even confess. Then when she came to us that day and told us she wanted to stop being friends? I felt like my fucking heart got ripped out. Took me awhile to get over it.”

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