Page 2 of Glad You Exist

She scoots her chair closer to me and wraps a protective arm around me, coaxing me to lean on her. “Do I need to call Dr. T?”

I shake my head, carefully extracting myself from her grip to finish my breakfast.

“He’ll just offer an extra session, like he always does. It’s just stress from school. It’ll pass.”

She is quiet for a few moments while she studies my face before turning her attention back to her plate. “It’s been a few weeks, and you’re still not sleeping any better than you did in the summer. Let’s make the call, okay? Do it for me. And no more cooking breakfast this week.”

She eyes the grilled chicken salad I have left covered on the island. “Or lunch.”

“Mom...”

I start to protest but stop when she raises an eyebrow at me as if challenging me to defy her.

She leans over to kiss the top of my head, “I appreciate all that you do to help me out, Liz, but I sent my final draft to Mary last night. I’ve got time. I can take care of everything from now on.”

Casually reading my mind, she holds her hand out to me. I hand her the grocery list, knowing I will still have to text her to remind her about it later.

“How’s school?” She tucks a hand under her chin, studying me again.

I grin, thrilled that she finally asked. “Principal Gardner says if I keep my GPA the way it’s been, I’ll be a shoo-in for valedictorian.”

She squeals and takes my hand in hers, “I’m so proud of you, baby, I know how hard you’ve worked and what you’ve given up, especially after what you went through.”

I look at her, and unable to do or say anything in response, I force a smile and make a move to get up to start cleaning, but she puts a hand up, gesturing at me to stop.

“Time for school.” She grabs my backpack from the island and walks me out the front door, pausing by the hall closet to grab my sweater then follows me to my car. The car, that once belonged to my brother, is a Ford EcoSport that our parents gifted him for his sixteenth birthday, so luckily, it’s only a few years old and never gives me any problems.

I kiss her cheek as I grab my things from her. “Don’t forget to pick up Danny’s stuff, okay?”

She cups my cheeks, kissing the top of my head, “How about I wait for you, and we’ll go together so you don’t worry, okay?”

“Deal. See you tonight, Mom.”

I start my car and wait until she’s safely inside the house before I drive off, feeling a tiny weight lift off my chest, relieving a bit the resounding guilt that I can never completely shake.

As I parkmy car at school, the nerves settle back in, and I have to work on my breathing like Dr. T. taught me. Anxiety is a bitch, and it has been raging every morning lately.

I check the time on my dash, grateful that I have twenty minutes before homeroom.

I look around the parking lot before getting out and then walk briskly on the cobbled lot to the stairs going up to the school. I am so busy focusing on not looking like I am gasping for air, clenching and unclenching my fingers to try and gain control of the impending panic attack, that I completely miss seeing a person approaching in my periphery and almost twist my ankle as I stumble back clumsily. Just when I think I will fall on my ass, I feel strong, calloused hands grasp my arms to hold me upright.

“Lizzy?” I would recognize that voice anywhere. “You good?”

My eyes go up of their own volition, meeting those chocolate brown eyes I know so well.Knew. I remind myself.

I struggle to keep my voice steady as I take a step back, then another, and force a small smile.

“Good. I’m good.”

Good? Who is she kidding?

Lizzy legit looks like she is on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

“You sure?” I crouch down to pick up the tablet I dropped when I instinctively reached out to steady her as she bumped into me.

“Yeah, never mind me. Is your iPad, okay?” I look back down at her and find her biting her lip as she looks worriedly up at me. I have to force myself not to stare at her mouth as I flip the iPad over to show her it is fine. The Otter-Box did its job.

She trembles a little as she sighs in relief. I’ve known this girl her whole life.

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