Page 12 of Glad You Exist

I sit on the armrest of the couch so she can meet my eyes, “Shit, is everything done? Why didn’t anyone wake me up?”

She folds an arm across her chest, gripping her elbow with a hand, resting a hip on the shelf across from me.

“Yes, and she mentioned you could use a few extra hours of sleep.”

“She seemed pissed enough to hit me with a pillow, though.”

That got her. Liz lets out another laugh, her eyes shutting from the joy of it, but then, seemingly, she catches herself and shrugs.

I should make that sound my alarm; I’d wake up every single time.

“Probably wanted to make sure you were awake.”

I rub a hand across my face and nod towards the door.

“You think it’s safe to go find her?”

She shakes her head at me, and I balk.

“No, no, I don’t mean no like that. I mean, I really doubt she’s mad. Mom and I came early to help. She hired plenty of people, so I am in here instead.”

She opens her palms and shrugs.

The uncomfortable look in her eyes doesn’t ease. The urge to pull her into my arms and out of her head is stronger than wanting to tug her braids.

“Anyone else here?”

“Just—just us. Danny was out late last night so Mom let him sleep in. He’ll be here…later.”

Something is happening with Liz.

She is twisting her fingers, pinching the skin in between. She starts incessantly tapping her foot. Before she completely yanks her digits off, I lean over and untangle them.

“What’s going on in that head of yours? We were doing good there just now.”

She sighs, gently removing her fingers from my grasp.

“I guess I remembered how we left things on Friday, and I got all….”

“Got all?’ I sit on the floor this time, inviting her to sit across from me. She does.

Then I remember she’s wearing a short dress. I give myself a mental slap on the head. I reach behind me and hand her a pillow from the couch.

She hugs it to her chest and finally looks at me.

“I have anxiety.”

I nod, not the least bit surprised. She was always fidgety when we were kids, but it wasn’t quite like this. I started to notice it escalating sometime in middle school. Then she started getting distant and quiet around me going into high school.

Then we all had that stupid fight.

Once again, I’m reminded of just how much I have royally fucked up. I should have been there for her instead of making excuses and staying busy to avoid my growing feelings for my best friend. I knew her mom had suffered from it, and I should have made the connection back then. Instead, I was too into what I was feeling for her to notice hers.

“So, you’re feeling anxious around me?”

She rests her chin on the pillow and shrugs.

“Yes and no. It’s more than just feeling it. I overthink and worry a lot. About everything and basically everyone. I get panic attacks often. I have trouble sleeping and forget to eat a lot, but it’s definitely gotten easier to manage now, for the most part.”

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